Oh, frug. Can you smell the basketball? It’s coming. It’s like a pizza but different. That’s basketball.
As a basketball writer, I’m one of the few people in the world who received an early script for the 2025-26 NBA season, but there are still a few plot points that are being ironed out in the writer’s room. We’ll get to one for each team today.
Boston Celtics: What’s the point?
Like, seriously, y’all. Take the season off. You got your heart broken in the playoffs just a few months ago. Jayson Tatum is injured. Jrue and Kristaps are memories. Derrick White still hasn’t grown his hair back out. The team just got sold to owners we know little about. Repeater tax AAAAAAA SPOOKY
There’s just very, very little here to be interested in. Jaylen Brown? You want me to sit here in front of the entire internet and pretend to find something compelling about the 2025 Celtics and Jaylen Brown? Is that what you want me to do with my time? How much do you think I get paid? And while we’re on that subject, why do people pay me?
We live in such a confusing time.
My point is, what’s the point? Why care about this team? Why invest your time and money into a franchise that has only given you one championship in two years? Feels like the sunk cost fallacy to me, and yes before you ask I had Gemini summarize the Wikipedia article on “sunk cost fallacy.” The words flaccid and fallacy are spelled differently.
The fact that the existence of fewer Celtics fans would make me happy and the fact that I wrote those last couple paragraphs are unrelated.
Atlanta Hawks: Does it work?
There are so many reasons to be excited about the Hawks. Trae Young is actually improving on defense. Jalen Johnson might be emerging as the real franchise cornerstone. Proven, playoff-tested vets like Kristaps and NAW are coming in expecting playing time. Risacher, Newell, and other young players will be looking to move up in their roles.
There are a lot of balls in the air. Shout out to anyone who laughed at the word “balls.” You’re a child. It’s hard to say if this combination of Atlanta stalwarts, new vets, and hopeful rising talent can actually coalesce into a playoff contender.
I will say my doubts are growing because I have no valid frame of reference for judging a coach, but I still believe in Quin Snyder. He has similar glasses to one of my nephews, and oh my god that kid can scream so loud. It’s true talent. One has to assume if Quin Snyder has similar glasses, he must be pretty talented at what he loves too. Ostensibly coaching.
You’ll be shocked to know that Nico lives in Switzerland now, but I can still hear him on days he gets particularly excited.
Charlotte Hornets: Can we? Please?
Can we finally, maybe, hopefully feel safe with a Hornets team? Everyone seems so stoked about the young players. It’s no longer just waiting for LaMelo to get injured after the new year. There may be some real players from which to build out a growing team.
So that’s the question. Can LaMelo stay on the court? Can Kon and Liam be the weird dog whistle culture shifters some people have claimed them to be? Can Brandon Miller learn the lyrics to the first verse of “Get Low" before I send him a pop quiz via text that I told him to be ready for by the end of this week?
That’s why we watch the games and keep our phones off do not disturb between the hours of 1 and 3 p.m..
Toronto Raptors: You sure?
Your franchise has been “one day Scottie Barnes will be our guy” for a few years now. Man, I love the dude. Plays defense hard. I don’t know what position he plays. 19-8-6 (points, rebounds, assists) are great numbers for someone growing into the role of the team’s top guy.
They decided it was time. Scottie is still young, but it’s time to surround him with as much talent as we can and see how far he can take us. Brandon Ingram is there. RJ Barrett is a person rather than a pick after the OG Anunoby trade. Jakob Poeltl got a three figure extension.
This is the team the Raptors have assembled. They’re going to give the ball to Scottie and tell him to take them as far as he can.
So that’s the question. “You sure? You sure this team is the one you wanted to make for the season in which Scottie is to show he’s a winning player instead of just a talented one?”
Chicago Bulls: What goes through your head when you make the decisions you do?
Josh Giddey was recently signed to a $100 million, four-year extension.
That’s just a fascinating thing for a person to not only conceive of as a good idea but to then process, follow through on, and commit to. Publicly. With your name attached. For an amount of money that could change the lives of hundreds of people forever.
I’ve been stupid before. In seventh grade, all the boys in my grade were over in our basement for a dance rehearsal or something stupid. I was really excited to be around people who weren’t making fun of me, so my need to impress people took over. I decided to run really fast and try and slide across our ping pong table. Unfortunately, our ping pong table was only held up in the middle by some tiny, misaligned prongs attached to the net, so the second any amount of weight fell onto the table, the entire thing collapsed, and I fell on my ass surrounded by a temporarily caved in table in front of everybody after calling attention to myself.
Horrible outcome. Terrible decisions being made by all parties involved (me). But it made perfect sense at the time. I’m sure the direction of the Raptors adds up somehow to some people, but god knows why that is or how they will explain the events in retrospect.
I’ve also been drunk before. Maybe that’s at play here.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Y’all ready for another ride?
With the Celtics down Tatum, the Pacers down Haliburton, the Bucks down conceivable hope, and the west in a bit of flux, the Cavs look like pretty good title contenders to me.
And I find it strange, because so often when I hear the Cavs discussed, it’s not “This team is amazing and getting better. How do they add talent without giving up a part of their identity?” but instead “Should the Ohio Cavapoos (that's a designer dog reference, not a toilet one (had to be clear)) trade Donovan Mitchell, Darius Garland, and Evan Mobley to teams I’d rather cover?”
Look. I get it. LeBron made you spend time in Ohio. No one likes spending time in Ohio. The people who live in Ohio? They’re the most miserable people in the world, and the tragic thing is some of them don’t even realize it. The bar for their happiness is so low because they live in Ohio that you can ask many of them if they’re happy, and they’ll say “Yes.”
Can you imagine that? Can you imagine living in Ohio and not spending every moment of conscious thought clawing up the wall, your exposed fingerbones scraping against rock until you extricate yourself from that ever-deepening pit? People there will literally tell you they’re happy. It’s enough to make a girl cry.
So I understand people not wanting to pay attention to the Cavs. But they’re awesome. And they should be better. Outside of OKC because they represent global warming, the Cavs have the best shot of anyone in my mind. I want them to be ready.
Washington Wizards: If a boomshakalaka happens in an empty arena, does it make a sound?
a.k.a. “Do y’all mind mattering again? This isn’t a 29-team league.”
Sigh.
“Because they matter to some people, and things that matter to people matter.”
Outside of that, I literally cannot think of a good reason for the Washington Wizards to exist given their history over the last 148 years. Years take longer when nothing happens.
Usually I would apologize for being mean, but I haven’t really slept much in two days, and the line between good and bad idea is pretty blurred.
My point is, if you would like to fight me online over this, I’m okay with that. I understand. Just don’t expect me to really care much about our conversation.
Detroit Pistons: Is Jaden Ivey a core piece?
Alright. I don’t know if that’s the biggest question, but it’s my biggest question. I am so, so impatient, and I have so many other things I have to work on in therapy before I get to that particular character flaw.
I was stoked when the Pistons drafted Ivey. I remember tuning in to a draft listen-along thing while eating fast food in my car in a parking lot and my smile growing bigger and bigger as I heard more and more about his game and his character. I instantly wanted to root for him. Everyone else could have Cade. Ivey would be my guy now.
First season, lots of on-ball reps while Cade was injured. Some negative indicators, some positive ones, but my overall impression was something akin to “Hey! Honey! Look! I’m having fun! The screen is providing me with temporarily sustainable dopamine! I’m so glad Jesus invented electricity!”
Then Monty Williams happened. The quickest way to move on from that season is to just start the next paragraph, but I feel like there needs to be an awkward moment of silence.
…
Cool.
Then last year, Ivey was shooting near 41 percent from 3 with a noticeable improvement in his true-shooting percentage before going down after 30 games.
Mondo. Awesome. Ivey played well, and the Pistons had a breakthrough season. Everyone is happy.
As I type this out, maybe this is more paranoia than anything, but Detroit’s pummeling run to the playoffs and heated series against the Knicks pretty much all happened after the year ticked over, and Ivey played one game in 2025. I don’t like that Ivey playing well, and Detroit playing well seemed to happen at different times.
If I was smarter, I could probably find stats and opinions to assuage my fears, but I have difficulty trusting people. In grade school, someone I was playing junior golf with pointed to a building senior citizen's center (Didn’t know what it was at the time. Just looked like a big concrete hole with some wood sticking out at the time.) and said, “That’s the house my family’s building.” He was lying. I trusted him.
So I don’t trust myself when I think that everything is going to be fine.
Indiana Pacers: Did anyone say it was going to be Nembeasy?”
Shoutout Caitlin Cooper, the preeminent Caitlin in Indiana.
(I hesitate saying that. I don’t want to start beef on Caitlin Cooper’s behalf, even in what I hope to be very obvious jest, in a battle she’d no doubt win. She is to be celebrated as the best basketball analyst that exists for the next two years or so, and then elected president against her will.)
If the Pacers lost the Finals in six games, everything would be very different right now. That’s one of the many hypotheticals one can offer. Another is what if Game 7 were played by ChatGPT. I don’t know how that would work. All I know is that someone would spend $100 million at the idea of it happening. Real cool that national consumer spending fell dramatically and was actually outpaced by corporate investment in AI somehow. Real neat. Sure hope that wasteful, bulging, generally useless technology suddenly becomes amazing rather than murderous.
Sorry, I was trying to talk about Andrew Nembhard. I enjoy writing “playoff riser” as much as I hate understanding that people use it as a trump card in some way. But Nembhard has shown up in the playoffs as both the lead and main off-ball guard in the playoffs.
The thing is, it kind of seems like he needs to show up in the regular season in a way he hasn’t before if the Pacers are going to be anything more than a parade float this year.
Philadelphia 76ers: How my hair look, Mike?
You look good, girl.
Miami Heat: What’s your favorite color?
I really don’t know what basketball route to go with this. The Heat are a good team in the east. They have one of the best coaches in the league, multiple all-stars, Nikola Jokić as a typo, and the whole #HeatCulture thing that has slowly turned to ash.
But what exactly propels them to something more interesting than their earned-but-kinda-losing-steam reputation? I made a reference to Pat Riley’s hair looking like an isopod ten years ago, and that whole situation sure hasn’t gotten better. The dude has come out on the wrong end of “negotiations” with LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Jimmy Butler at this point. Maybe there’s still something there, but I don’t know what it is.
“Does Tyler Herro make a leap?” To what? The jump he would have to make to be a tangibly more valuable player would be in places that he has no history of even taking multiple steps in.
“Does Bam Adeba-” A’ja Wilson is better and cooler and more interesting.
“Kasparas Jakucionis seems like a steal. Could he-” NO. HE’S A ROOKIE.
The Heat’s favorite color is basketball. In Miami, basketball is a color. It doesn’t have to make sense to be true, and it doesn’t have to be true for me to make myself believe that it is. Wallpaper is a fluid. The single electron theory is false, but a theory that’s nearly identical in structure actually does apply to the world’s one cat. “I laugh so that I don’t cry.” Sure, buddy. Laugh all you want. You’re going to cry eventually.
Milwaukee Bucks: Can you believe 2021 was only four years ago
A lot can happen in four years. A high school graduation. A presidential term. 400 presidential terms as felt when served by someone named Donald. Lives change. And end.
But it’s hard to believe we’ve watched Jrue turn into Dame then turn into nothing, Bud turn into that and then this, Khris turn into an insult, and arguable DPOY Brook Lopez turn into… oh. Well Myles Turner isn’t so bad.
The thing with the move to acquire Dame and the moves of the subsequent two seasons (somehow including the Kuzma addition) felt like swings at a championship. Following 2021, Giannis was ordering 50 chicken nuggets at a substandard chicken place and celebrating the popular conception that he was the best player in the league.
Now it sort of feels like he’s doing his best to kindly, patiently, carefully break up with someone he still cares about but no longer loves.
And to be clear, that is not in reference to the city of Milwaukee, the fans of the team, or anyone who feels like they did their part to show love to Giannis in whatever way they can. As established earlier, I have difficulty trusting people, but Giannis seems like a genuine dude in any circumstance he feels he has a chance to be. I believe him when he says that he loves Milwaukee, and that he would love to finish his career there, and that maybe it would mean more to him to bring a second championship to Wisconsin than to go elsewhere and achieve more as a hired hand than a retired jersey.
A lot can happen in four years. Who knows. Hopefully Giannis sticks around so he and Bronny can win it all in 2029.
Orlando Magic: Is your time up? Is my time now? It’s hard to tell if you can see me. But back to the subject at hand, is my time now?
We know some things going into this year. Franz can absolutely hold his own as a number-one option, at least for sections of a season. Jalen Suggs will eventually hit 50 percent of his 3s if he just slowly lets his hair thin publicly instead of shaving it off like everyone does. Desmond Bane cost a lot, but the dude can play. Paolo can snap a semi-truck over his knee.
They were good last year when they were anywhere near healthy. Jamahl Mosley is a fantastic coach who can command a hellacious defense. While last year may not have been a leap as a team, there were clear signs of individual improvements. Then they got better in the offseason.
So, the Bucks, the Celtics, and the Pacers are down. Not out, but down. Different. That’s three teams Orlando could leap. I have, against all conscious force to choke the thought, set positive expectations for the Pistons, so they’re going to suck. That’s four.
Suddenly, you’re looking at home court advantage. Suddenly you’re a bit of luck away from the conference finals. Do the newly integrated Orlando Magic suddenly match up well with Cleveland or New York? Last year, Indiana may have been one injury away from being the NBA Champion as a massive underdog.
So why not Orlando?
Because it’s in Florida, and Florida doesn’t deserve good things anymore.
Brooklyn Nets: If I write the next section in wing dings, would anyone notice? Would a person besides my editor actually choose to read about the Brooklyn Nets?
The Brooklyn Nets sucked last year, intend to suck this year, and have made no real indication that anything other than suck will be coming for the foreseeable future. They traded their best player for a podcaster who asks questions like “Are spoons gay?” and “Do cows lactate or is that a human thing?” He also doesn’t have a working spine.
So I was hoping to care about Cam Thomas. Then he did the thing where he called out a person directly (Zach Lowe) in response to surface-level misinformation (or at the very least a mischaracterization) provided by a third party. I stopped caring then.
There is no question to answer here. The question is the entire h*cking team. That only gets answered when they actually start playing competitive games, and that’s not going to be for a while.
New York Knicks: Who is a better coach, Mike Brown or John T. Thibs?
Even if you don’t factor in Eastern Conference injuries, one should hold it to the Knicks to be better this year. They added talent. The players seemed to get what they wanted in a coaching change. They have a full offseason together. They replaced their most successful coach since Stan Van Gundy had hair (just kidding. That point in history never existed) with a darn recent coach of the year. Sure, they only picked him after asking basically every NBA coach under contract, but he was their first choice out of the choices they had left. Should be an upgrade!
It is very hard for Mike Brown to win in this situation. The weird circumstances that led to his hiring and the Rick Brunson of it all just put the Knicks in a situation with bad vibes. The vibes are bad. I would say out of all the coaches in the league, Mike Brown is probably top 3 in my vibes ranking, but the gravity of everything mentioned along with James Dolan … it’s a lot to overcome.
So the question people probably ask is whether it was a good idea to replace Thibs with Mike Brown. I’m more concerned with a gap I perceive between expectations and expectations that should be reasonable. It’s not like I’m expecting the Knicks to do poorly. Again, I think it’s reasonable to hold it to the Knicks to improve. I’m just afraid that if it doesn’t happen, Mike Brown will be the one to take the blame down the line.