Have you ever jumped over a car? I have. It was a toy car. It counts.
According to Keith Smith on the somewhat less awful social microblogging site BlueSky: “The Orlando Magic have withdrawn the qualifying offer for Mac McClung, a league source told @spotrac.com. McClung is now an unrestricted free agent.”
Last year, Mac McClung corrected a cosmic wrong. Aaron Gordon, while he was on the Orlando Magic, had what was at the time my favorite ever dunk contest showcase. There were spins, and, mascots and some dextrous combination of force and grace. Unfortunately, due to dark forces in Minnesota aligning influence to ensure Zach Lavine’s victory through alien persuasion technology, Aaron Gordon went down in overtime. Maybe that didn’t happen.
On that day, 17-year-old Mac McClung either did or didn’t write on his Twitter: “Aaron Gordon, I will carry your pain. I will carry your will. One day this wrong against you and the Orlando Magic faithful will be made right, and it will be made right in your name. I will try to jump over cars until I get it right. Cars = basketball.” Maybe that didn’t happen either.
This would be a great time to provide a link to said Twitter post because otherwise I can’t verify he said that. That’s probably because he didn’t. But maybe he thought it. I don’t know.
But to be clear, Mac McClung delivered on the promise he almost certainly didn’t make. This past season Mac McClung, the Orlando Magic, the city of Orlando, and the 38 Orlando Magic fans that don’t actually live there won the NBA All-Star Weekend Dunk Contest Presented by Starry Probably. NASWDCPSP, for short.
Nearly a decade after Aaron Gordon was robbed, Mac McClung did whatever the opposite of robbing is. Mac McClung put a $5 bill in someone’s coat pocket when they weren’t paying attention. The person in this scenario is not wearing the jacket because it’s not cool to touch someone’s person or clothes without their consent, even if you did just win the dunk contest that, according to my numbers, will cause Orlando to be a 65-70 win team for the next half-dozen years.
But this is the reality of labor in this country. Once you have provided what is considered all of your value to a company, you’re not given a pension or promotion. If you’re lucky, you get unemployment.
Is Mac McClung now the hottest free agent on the market?
That depends what you’re asking.
If you’re wondering if Mac is the most physically attractive free agent on the market right now, no. He’s not. That’s Al Horford.
If you’re wondering if being in Orlando for the last year has him living in the most high-temperature surroundings of all current free-agents, then I cannot help you because I literally have no idea how to find that out. Maybe he sleeps in a hot tub. There’s no way to know. Nothing can be done.
If you’re wondering if he is the most promising player on the market in terms of basketball ability or capacity to be a meaningful rotation player on a high-level team, yeah. No. Definitely not that.
But then there’s the dunk contest. I’m sure, at this point, he’d rather be considered an NBA player than an annual performer, but I can’t help but think some team will pick him up around January in hopes they can convince him to dunk in their uniform in return for a two-way or something.
Remember: no one knew the city of Orlando existed until Aaron Gordon dunked that one time. I’ve looked at the list of teams that are in the league, and I’m pretty sure about half the city names are made. Like, what the hell is a New York? There already is a York. Come up with your own name, you lazy pillocks.
Anyways, this is very upsetting. I’m really not sure that I or anyone else is going to feel better until we see Mac McClung dunk over a Volkswagen bus while wearing a Charlotte jersey.
And despite what people say, Charlotte DOES exist. I have been there. It is real, and it is fine.