Halloween is just a day away, which means trick or treating is almost here, too. We all remember the days of scouring the neighborhood for the best candy. Some houses had the good stuff — the full-size candy bars and bags loaded with treats. Others would give out nickels, licorice or apples. If you were Charlie Brown, you got a rock.
The beginning of the NBA season has transpired in many unexpected ways. Some things haven't been a surprise, like the Thunder being undefeated or the Nets looking like something you'd find under the Brooklyn Bridge, but throughout the league, there's been a lot of weirdness already.
A few teams, like the Bulls, Spurs and 76ers, have looked better than even their most glass-half-full supporters could have hoped for. This is spooky season, though, so today we won't be wasting any time on them. Instead, we're focusing on the teams that have been positively frightful, sending chills throughout their respective fanbases after an offseason of optimism.
In keeping with the Halloween theme, we've taken eight teams that are currently .500 or below and assigned them a panic level. You won't find any DEFCON ratings or temperatures here, just an approximation of how much each team should be worried based on a different horror trope. Put on your Sexy Alex Caruso costume and let's begin!
Knicks panic level: Don't leave the house
Let's start in the East, where the Knicks were impressive in beating the Cavs and Celtics at home to open the season, but have since been taken down by the Heat and the Bucks on the road to fall back to 2-2. Both Miami and Milwaukee have gotten off to 3-1 starts, but for a team with very obvious Finals aspirations, losing these two games back-to-back is a bad look.
Last year, the Knicks were 24-17 on the road, tied for the sixth-best record in the league. They've now lost to a Heat team that's without Tyler Herro, and a Bucks team that is really just a Giannis Antetokounmpo one-man wrecking crew.
In defense of the Knicks, Mitchell Robinson hasn't yet taken the court. The Opening Night win over the Cavs might have set expectations too high, but the reality is that it'll take time to get acclimated to new head coach Mike Brown's system. It's way too early to panic, but if they're overmatched in their upcoming back-to-back against the upstart Bulls, then some worry should start creeping in.
Magic panic level: Even the new sheriff can't stop the killer
No team has been more disappointing than the Magic, who are currently just 2-4 after gaining preseason buzz as a 50+ win team. It's like the Magic are living on Elm Street, only instead of Freddy Krueger, the killer has been the team's complete inability to put the ball in the basket.
The incredible mount of injuries the Magic endured gave them a valid excuse for last season going south, but with the entire offseason to heal up and the blockbuster trade for Desmond Bane meant to fix their shooting and floor-spacing issues, those excuses are gone now. The Magic still can't score, and they haven't even had to face a Western Conference opponent yet. Bane has shot 25 percent from 3-point range, taking what was already an overpay and putting it on the early watchlist for "complete disaster."
The Magic ranked 26th in the league in offensive rating entering Thursday. Freddy's still on the loose, and it doesn't look like anybody can do anything about it. Magic fans should load up on caffeine now so they don't fall asleep.
Hawks panic level: What's that sound at the door?
Like the Magic, the Hawks are another team that was projected to jump into the upper echelon of the East. They haven't had as dismal a start, but Hawks fans should be a little bit nervous. Is that sound a killer waiting outside, or just the wind? It's too early to tell.
Atlanta's two wins have come against the Magic and Nets, two teams that have combined for a 2-9 record thus far. That's not great. They've also lost to the Thunder and Bulls, neither of whom has lost yet. That's not so bad. The season-opening home loss to the Raptors (Toronto's only win of the season) is cause for concern, though.
The Hawks' young core needs to be ready to fight for their lives, because Trae Young is going to miss some time after spraining his knee. That's like if the killer bursts through the door and you didn't have time to grab a gun and could only reach a frying pan instead.
Quin Snyder needs to figure out who is going to handle the ball and run the offense with Young out. The Hawks are turning it over the second-fewest times in the league, but they're negating that advantage by being awful at rebounding. Young being out will result in more giveaways, but without a competent low-post bruiser on the roster (Kristaps Porzingis is ostensibly a center but spends his time on the perimeter), the rebounding is unlikely to improve.
Can the Hawks survive without Young? Can they survive even with him? Will they actually be better off without him? These are fair questions that will take some time to answer.
Pacers panic level: The sequel started slow but still has time to become watchable
Like a low-budget Blumhouse movie that goes viral in all the right ways, the Pacers found great success sneaking up on the rest of the league last year, coming within a single game of their first NBA title. The sequel faced even more daunting odds, as two of the star actors, Tyrese Haliburton and Myles Turner, didn't sign on to reprise their roles.
A quick look at the standings makes it seem like the sequel is off to a bumpy start. Indiana is 0-4, but all is not as bad as it seems, because they've played pretty well against a tough set of opponents.
Opening up with the Thunder, who weirdly already had a game under their belt, was an unenviable way to start the season. The undermanned Pacers put up a hell of a fight though, eventually losing in double overtime. Their next three games, all on the road against West teams, also ended in losses, though two of them came down to the wire.
There's a chance the Pacers may eventually pivot and tank the season, much like M3gan 2.0 decided to rebrand as an action movie and fell flat at the box office. For now though, this team feels like it can compete, even though breakout star Bennedict Mathurin is considered week-to-week with a toe injury. Pascal Siakam has a lot to do with that, as he's averaging 26.3 points, 11 rebounds and 5.3 assists.
Clippers panic level: Alien vs. Predator on the hardwood
The Clippers took an interesting swing this offseason, fully committing to being the oldest team since Uncle Drew and the gang showed up to Rucker Park. So far, the results have been very mixed.
L.A. is 2-2, with a season-opening 21-point loss to the Jazz and a pathetic 79-point effort against the Warriors bookending wins over the Suns and Blazers. The new pieces haven't really fit, just like when 20th Century Fox decided to make a movie pitting the xenomorph from Alien and the Predator from, well, Predator against each other.
You can almost picture the conversations going down the same way. "Alien and Predator are pretty good, let's throw them together and see what happens!" "Chris Paul, he used to be the mayor of Lob City. Bradley Beal is a three-time All-Star. Let's put them with James Harden and Kawhi Leonard!"
When you rely on a bunch of players so long in the tooth, you remove all margin for error. Paul has looked washed while playing only 15 minutes per game. Beal scored 11 combined points in two games and has missed the last two with back soreness. Leonard has played through his ongoing Aspiration scandal, but history has shown it's only a matter of time until he's out.
This Clippers team just seems like an ill-conceived idea that already shows signs of backfiring. In the Intuit Dome, no one can hear you scream.
Rockets panic level: Plot twist, they're the killer
Just like in a whodunnit murder mystery, opinions change quickly in the NBA. We've already seen that kind of whiplash with the Rockets, who went from being screwed without Fred VanVleet, to true contenders after their opening double-OT loss to the Thunder, to frauds after dropping their next game at home to the Pistons.
The Rockets may not have a point guard, but guess what? They were the killer all along. Their No. 1-ranked offense has been firing on all cylinders in the last two games as they've dropped 137 on the Nets and 139 on the Raptors. Kevin Durant has seamlessly fit in around Alperen Sengun to give the Rockets one of the league's most uniquely unstoppable frontcourt pairings, while Amen Thompson, Tari Eason and Jabari Smith have stepped up as Reed Sheppard gets up to speed.
The Rockets are going to be just fine, and in fact it's other teams who should be worried. Despite being 2-2, they're No. 4 in the league in net rating, and with Steven Adams muscling people down low, they're rebounding almost 43 percent of their misses. Turnovers haven't even been a huge problem despite VanVleet's absence. The Rockets aren't the hunted, they're the hunter.
Mavericks panic level: Let's hide in the basement until the coast is clear
Some potential victims are able to fight back in horror movies, while some are better served hiding until help arrives. The Mavericks definitely look like they fit into the latter category as they've stumbled to a 2-3 start.
Cooper Flagg has shown why he was the No. 1 overall pick, but he's been miscast as a point guard in a classic case of Jason Kidd putting a square peg in a round hole. That strange move is largely responsible for him having the worst plus-minus on the team at -57. Not far from him is Klay Thompson, who sad as it is to say, just doesn't look like he has it anymore.
Anthony Davis led the team in scoring in its first four games, but now he's dinged up with what the team says is Achilles tendinopathy. This only shines a brighter light on general manager Nico Harrison for the absurdity of his Luka Doncic trade. Kyrie Irving is already going to be out for the first few months, so if Davis misses any length of time, what began as a promising season could quickly turn into a tank job.
Timberwolves panic level: Scream is always better with Sidney Prescott
Some horror franchises overstay their welcome and try to shoehorn in new characters to replace fan favorites. We've seen it when Jamie Lee Curtis' Laurie Strode is sideined in the Halloween franchise, and in the last Scream movie when Neve Campbell's Sidney Prescott wasn't involved. The movies can still work alright, they're just missing that special something without the characters we've become so attached to.
That's where the Wolves are at without Anthony Edwards — still pretty solid, but not quite the same. Edwards showed signs that he was ready to claim his spot as a top-five player in the league when he exploded out of the gates with 72 points in two games, but the Wolves are going to have to make due without him for about two weeks as he deals with a hamstring strain.
So far they've looked so-so without him in beating the Pacers and losing to the Nuggets. They would have avoided this list altogether if they had been able to pull out last night's game against the also-depleted Lakers, but Austin Reaves had the last laugh with a buzzer-beating runner in the lane.
Just as Scream 7 is getting getting Sidney back, the Wolves will get Edwards back soon enough. As long as they can survive until then, they'll be OK.