Other 'Sopranos' theme nights Minor League Baseball teams should consider

Well, well, well. Not two days after I mentioned "The Sopranos" star Steve Schirripa in these very same pages (for, and I cannot stress this enough, absolutely no reason), the New York Yankees' Double-A affiliate has announced that they are opening their meat lockers to the iconic actor again this summer.

On May 31, the Somerset Patriots are re-upping their Sopranos Night from last season, distributing Schirripa bobbleheads, offering a pregame Q&A with the man himself, and, of course, allowing him to curate some portion of the menu. That means if there's no f***ing ziti, you know exactly who to blame.

Schirripa is a New York sports staple, and it doesn't get more Jersey than "The Sopranos," even decades after its release, run, and stunning conclusion. The Patriots are in year two of their prideful alternate identity the Jersey Diners, with a Steak and Eggs hat to avoid the sophomore slump, so they're clearly in the mood to get creative and stay there — much like a crafty Russian lost in the Pine Barrens.

So why stop at Schirripa? There are plenty more viable "Sopranos" promos that the Patriots could put on their schedule this year. And the best part is, baseball is played without a clock. You absolutely never know when a game is going to e--

And good job, by the way, restricting those bobbleheads to adults only. Wouldn't want any kids getting their grubby paws on these collectibles and asking uncomfortable questions about the subject and his love of trains/The Bing.

More "Sopranos"-themed promotions that Minor League Baseball teams should jump at in 2025

"Woke Up This Morning" Alarm Clock: Get out of bed and ready to go down the Jersey Turnpike, glaring out the windshield and contemplating your fragile mortality along the way! Distributed to the first 1,000 fans who can prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there are no kids in their household.

Paulie Walnut Cracker: Ey, T? You heard what I said? It's a Paulie Walnut Cracker. Not bad, huh?

Alternate Identity as the Somerset Carmel-a Apples: Stay tuned for the end of the third inning, when they'll be giving away a huge pile of loose money from the crawl space — don't ask where they found it! And make sure to stick around for the Furio Fifth Inning, when one lucky lady will be swept off her feet by a swarthy Italian, and one furious husband will go home empty handed!

Find-a-Fed Game: Select fans will be invited onto the field during the seventh-inning stretch to whisper their secrets to one another. But watch out! Some of these fans are also FBI informants. The winner receives a one-way trip to the middle of the deep woods, courtesy of Silvio Dante's Limousine Service.

'Don't Sit on a Dollar Dog' Night: There will be little dogs on some of the seats. Do not sit on that dog.

New York Branch Takeover Night: Uh oh. Sorry, Jersey, but the Lupertazzi Crime Family is in charge tonight. No more fun and games. Johnny Sack heard what you said about his wife, and the game will NOT resume until someone is brought to justice. Fans are explicitly encouraged not to attend this game.

Artie Bucco Menu Takeover: Move over, Schirripa! Taking over the food service is Artie Bucco's territory. Let everyone's favorite cozied-up mafia chef take you on a tour through Tuscany. Unfortunately, much like every single previous promotion mentioned, this one will also involve someone hitting on your wife. Now, Charmaine, that's Spencer Jones, ok, he's a very important individual. Take care of him.

Eric Mangini Night: Hey, is that the Mangenius over there? Ey, alright! Enjoy your steak!

Duck Appreciation Day: Lookit 'em over there. The ducks. So majestic. N-not a care in the world. Hey, hey, look at 'em! What are you payin' attention to the game for?! This is family. This is fleeting. The ducks aren't gonna be here fuhreva. Remembuh the good times. Oh, ey, this guy's throwin' a no-hittuh!

Whacking Day: Whoa, whoa, it's not what you think! The first 500 guests aged 48 or older receive a free weed whacker, courtesy of The Home Depot.

Whacking Night: No euphemism here! Someone will die at this game.