Patrick Dumont offers words of wisdom about the Luka Dončić trade

One of the things people forget those who made the ultimate decision in the Luka Dončić trade is that they are very rich. And since they are rich, they are also praiseworthy, exceptionally intelligent, more insightful than you and I could ever be, and ordained by all gods and beings of all creeds to lead the world into the bright future that Adam Smith promised us. Oligarchs will suddenly become extremely generous once everyone in the world gets in line, I bet.

Just listen to all these wonderful things Patrick Dumont has to say:

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Are we really supposed to listen to Patrick Dumont?

I don’t know. He seems really stupid, and he looks/sounds like a half-deflated whoopee cushion. His face reminds me of trying to make mashed potatoes using only the peels. Trying to take him at his word actually makes me quite angry. He is repeatedly contradicting himself. He seems more concerned with defending his own self-aggrandizing self-assessment of a leader than he is about defending the decision in question. If anything, he seems massively out of touch with reality, beholden to corporate-speak instead of human thought, and completely absent from the consequences of his own actions.

I feel like this 2:16 clip is the clearest example yet that the future of the Dallas Mavericks is disregard, dishonor, and death. Why the hell is anyone in the world subject to the whims of this idiot?

That’s your fault. He’s really rich, remember? This is basic math. Lots of money equals you’re important and good. You wouldn’t understand because you’re probably not wealthy beyond necessity or morality. One day I will be because I intend to suck up to rich people until I’m rich enough to have people suck up to me. He has a lot more money than you, so in the words of another Texas NBA owner, Shut Up and Listen!

Let’s go through some of Patrick’s laudable quotes:

I watched the video. All the quotes are exceedingly painful. What are you talking about?

"Tough decisons are never easy." - Patrick Dumont.

Affirmative, majesty. Slay.

“Part of leadership is looking at risk, and looking at all the factors of a decision." - Patrick Dumont

Risk is my favorite board game. I mean, it’s not, but if Patrick wants it to be my favorite board game, then I’m happy to oblige. Plus, he’s looking at all the factors of a decision. Less wealthy (therefore bad) people often only look at some factors of a decision. Fools. I bet none of you even asked how Patrick Dumont felt before you said trading Luka Dončić for Anthony Davis (who immediately got injured) was a bad idea. That’s very rude.

I don’t mean to repeat myself here, but Patrick said he made the best decision. He’s worth 17.4 billion dollars. That means he’s right. That is, until a richer person disagrees with him, but not many of those exist, so, like, come on. Stop dragging your feet.

"Something or whatever about planning for the long term." - Patrick Dumont (inexactly)

I dunno. Something like that. He didn’t mean it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret 😉: if you want to be rich, you can’t think about the long term. The vast majority of resources in America will be further concentrated to the most privileged in the country in the next four years or so, so when it comes to obsequiousness, you need to jump in now and jump in hard. The days of trying to build a product, or personhood or protracted career are long dead. The sooner you sacrifice your self-regard, the better off you’ll be.

"Last year before the trade deadline we were not competitive, but after it we were, so clearly we know what we we’re doing. To hammer that point home, this year before the trade deadline we were competitive, and now we’re not. This is good, actually." - Patrick Dumont (mostly)

I paraphrased again.

This is how I know I still have so much to learn. If I still thought for myself, I’d probably think Patrick Dumont was hesitating or deflecting. However, I now recognize that the only two reasons I’m questioning him are:

1. My prior impressions of how leaders look and act were not Patrick Dumont-shaped enough and
2. I’m just amazed at whatever genius safeguards he has in place to go through a day without choking to death on his own tie. It seems questionable he could come up with them on his own. But he definitely did. Patrick, if you’re reading this, you definitely did.

"And if you’re a fan of basketball, I’ll just throw that out there we have…" - Patrick Dumont

He then named some players. I recognize a few of them, but it’s difficult to really care. Players don’t win championships; the executives who believe in themselves the most despite all odds and indications do. I think.

Oh god. I started thinking again. I’m sorry, Patrick.

I have to stop before I throw up.