How the Celtics can stick it to the Lakers this offseason

The Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers are right up there with the Yankees and Red Sox as one of the greatest rivalries in sports. But right now, their paths are diverging — the Celtics surging toward another title while the Lakers sit at home plotting how to re-sign LeBron James and reload after another disappointing season.

The best statement in a rivalry like this is simply winning and the Celtics still have a chance to do that. But once they finally get around to planning for the offseason they have the opportunity to pile misery on the hated Lakers and their fans.

The Celtics four-part plan to antagonize the Lakers and their fans:

Step 1: Win championship No. 18

This is the most important one. As of this writing, the Celtics have a 1-0 lead on the Pacers in the Eastern Conference Finals. Getting through Indiana and then finishing off whoever makes it out of the West makes them the reigning champion and moves them one title ahead of the Lakers for most championships all-time.

Lakers' fans angrily shutting off their screens as Jayson Tatum puts his head back and screams "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!" into the microphone as the confetti rains down — all the other trolling and needling flows naturally from there.

Step 2: Select Bronny James with the No. 30 pick in the NBA Draft

It's not clear that Bronny James has an NBA future and it's even less clear that playing with his son will hold any meaningful sway over LeBron's free-agent decision. But the Lakers might not be able to take that risk. Assuming the Pelicans defer their option to keep the Lakers' pick this year in favor of their 2025 pick, the Lakers will have No. 17. But even LeBron probably understands that's too high. The best-case scenario for the Lakers is trading the No. 17 pick for veteran help and taking Bronny at No. 55.

But the Celtics can blow that up by taking Bronny with the final pick in the first round. They have enough depth to burn the pick if Bronny never plays a minute for them but that's, theoretically, a range in which he might actually be worth the gamble. LeBron probably still re-signs with the Lakers but Boston inserts as much chaos into the process as possible, gets to put LeBron's son on his biggest rival and then buries him in the G League until he's really ready.

Step 3: Sign Chris Paul for the veteran's minimum

This is a minor annoyance but assuming the Lakers trade for either Donovan Mitchell or Darius Garland they're almost certainly going to have to give up some backcourt depth. Chris Paul on a veteran's minimum would be a decent get for the Lakers, but that can't happen if he's already on the Celtics.

There's no reason to think Paul would choose the Celtics over the Lakers when there would be a shortage of minutes with Derrick White and Payton Pritchard in front of him. But if the Celtics are the defending champs going into this summer they can make a compelling argument that they're Paul's last best chance at winning a ring, and deprive the Lakers of a key veteran contributor.

Step 4: Make Bronny wear jersey No. 18

Bronny steps forward for his rookie photo shoot wearing a crisp, green and white jersey with the No. 18 on the front — a living reminder that the era of LeBron is over and that the Celtics have 18 championships, one more than the Lakers. That's the kind of troll that would even be worth un-retiring Dave Cowens' number for.