Predicting the worst team in every NFL division for the 2024 season

While most of the league is trying to compete for the playoffs, only a select few are really competing for a trip to get to the Super Bowl. For as much as I love my Atlanta Falcons, they are a year away from being a year away in that regard. They should be fun for once, but I have realistic expectations for my team, which is to win the division, and maybe a playoff game or two. That is about it for the Dirty Birds.

Atlanta is in a group of about 24 teams who are vying for playoff berths. Then, there are the other guys... Not The Other Guys like Detectives Allen Gamble and Terry Hoitz, but the teams who are already playing for 2025 already. What I am going to do is not take them to a New York Knicks game, nor am I giving them tickets to see Jersey Boys on Broadway. No cucumber-accented water for you!

What I am going to do today is to outline eight guesses of who will finish in last place in each division. No, these are not necessarily the eight worst teams in the NFL because some divisions are a flaming dumpster fire of disaster, while others are of the utmost competence. In the words of Ricky Bobby, "if you ain't first, you're last!" It is time to Shake and Bake and give you the teams coughing on exhaust.

Let's start with a team who made the playoffs last year, but happens to play in the toughest division.

AFC North

The AFC North is by far and away the hardest division to pick a last-place finisher. This is the NFL's black and blue division where everybody gets the best of everybody every so often enough. Last year, it sent three teams to the playoffs. The only team that did not go was the Cincinnati Bengals, and they were still a competitive team despite losing Joe Burrow midway through the campaign.

The only team I know will not finish in last place is the Baltimore Ravens. They have Lamar Jackson and John Harbaugh. That is all I need to know. With a healthy Burrow, I expect that the Bengals will be more than playoff-viable. That leaves us with the Cleveland Browns and the Pittsburgh Steelers. For as much as Arthur Smith caused me pain for three years, he just might work out alright for Pittsburgh.

That leaves me with Cleveland, who are quarterbacked by Deshaun Watson, who isn't good any more.

Prediction: Cleveland Browns

AFC South

The AFC South is a much easier division to dissect from first to last. I really like the Houston Texans' chances of repeating as division champs. C.J. Stroud and DeMeco Ryans look to be the real deal. While I think the Jacksonville Jaguars will be vying for a playoff berth in some capacity, I struggle seeing them falling off a cliff this year. Then again, they totally have it in themselves organizationally.

That leaves us with the Indianapolis Colts and the Tennessee Titans. While I do not trust the Colts at all, and you shouldn't either, I suspect that Shane Steichen has a bit more to work with this season than first-time head coach Brian Callahan. If Anthony Richardson stinks or gets hurt again, Indianapolis may pick in the top four. Right now, the Titans feel like a bottom eight team in the NFL.

Even if I don't trust Richardson at all, I trust Will Levis even less in Nashville. Give me Mason Rudolph!

Prediction: Tennessee Titans

AFC East

The AFC East is an incredibly easy pick. The only thing that will prevent logic from prevailing would be the flightless New York Jets that you and I should never trust again in our adult lives. Between Gang Green and the New England Patriots, someone is finishing last. I may like the Miami Dolphins to win the division more than I do the Buffalo Bills, but I struggle to see either of those teams circle the drain.

If Aaron Rodgers is more cooked than a cheese curd left in the deep frier overnight, it could be the Jets. However, I firmly believe that New York has far more talent than New England entering this season. The future outlook for the Patriots is improving, but things do look rather bleak right now. Robert Kraft will never see another Super Bowl championship, but at least they have Drake Maye.

New England might be the best 4-13 team to watch this season, just like Arizona last NFL season.

Prediction: New England Patriots

AFC West

There is not a bigger gap between No. 1 and No. 2 in an NFL division this year than the canyon that exists in the AFC West. It is the Kansas City Chiefs, and everyone else. The Chiefs will have a stranglehold on this division for as long as Andy Reid is the head coach, Patrick Mahomes is in his prime, and the rest of the division resembles The Three Stooges smacking each other in the face.

So between Curly, Larry and Moe, who is finishing in second place to Kansas City? My pick would be the Las Vegas Raiders. I like the quarterback combination of Garder Minshew II and Aidan O'Connell. Antonio Pierce may be a good head coach. Jim Harbaugh is, but the Los Angeles Chargers need some work. That leaves us with the Denver Broncos, who I think might stink to Mile High Heaven.

Sean Payton lives on past reputation, George Paton is largely incompetent and Bo Nix is so screwed.

Prediction: Denver Broncos

NFC North

Right up there with the AFC North, I see the NFC North being one of the most competitive divisions in all of football. It features my pick to win Super Bowl 59 down in New Orleans in the Detroit Lions, as well as a team I think is certainly good enough to play Detroit in the NFC Championship Game in the Green Bay Packers. That leaves us with the Chicago Bears and the Minnesota Vikings to discuss here.

While I don't think either team will be bad, quite the opposite, in fact, it really comes down to what team is pulling in the same direction for longer. I may like Kevin O'Connell more than Matt Eberflus as a head coach, but the latter will empower Caleb Williams far sooner than the former will empower J.J. McCarthy. The longer the Vikings hold McCarthy's hand, the longer they will be finishing in last place.

The Bears may be good enough for an NFC Wild Card berth, while the Vikings may pick in the top 10.

Prediction: Minnesota Vikings

NFC South

This is my division. I may be biased, but I don't care. But with that in mind, I can assess the NFC South better than most people out there. I see the division breaking down like this in most of the thought exercises I have with myself. The Atlanta Falcons win the NFC South. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers could win it, but will probably be a wild card team, or just barely miss out on the NFC playoffs this year.

That leaves us with the Carolina Panthers and the New Orleans Saints. For as much as I loved the Dave Canales hire by Carolina, David Tepper still owns the franchise. Until he changes his ways as an owner, this is not a serious football team. New Orleans will do what it does and kick the can down the road, but the Saints are running out of runway. Dennis Allen is feeling the heat and so is Derek Carr.

At the end of the day, Carolina is just awful enough to edge out a fading Saints team for last place.

Prediction: Carolina Panthers

NFC East

While I haven't yet decided who will win the NFC East between the Dallas Cowboys and the Philadelphia Eagles, I know that the Washington Commanders probably will not and neither will the New York Giants. I guess I am leaning Philadelphia to win the division because Dallas is about to enter a dark period as a franchise. I think Washington is about to climb out its abyss, but not New York yet.

This is because I think Jayden Daniels has the potential to be some variation of Dak Prescott or even Lamar Jackson under center for the Commanders. As for Daniel Jones, he was a great David Cutcliffe disciple at Duke before COVID. Drew Lock may be the ultimate vibes curator, but I need more quarterback to do more than put on for my city. I need my starting quarterback to win some games.

Since I am not playing games here, I have to go with the G-Men being the worst team in the division.

Prediction: New York Giants

NFC West

As with the AFC North, this was the other tough division to figure out. The NFC West might be as good top to bottom as the AFC North, but someone has to finish last, right? Well, unless Brock Purdy gets hurt, it won't be the San Francisco 49ers. While it could be the Los Angeles Rams, I think Matthew Stafford has one more good year left in the tank. That leaves us with Arizona and Seattle...

At first glance, you may think that it will definitely be the Arizona Cardinals, but I am not so sure of that. I really liked what I saw out of Jonathan Gannon as a first-time head coach last year. I can see why the Houston Texans were interested in the former Philadelphia Eagles defensive coordinator previously. Monti Ossenfort might be a rockstar as a general manager. I just don't trust Seattle, man.

Mike Macdonald might be my Dawg, but the Seattle Seahawks are pulling back without Pete Carroll.

Prediction: Seattle Seahawks