Eagles QBs combine to form Power Rangers' Megazord

Which role would the five Eagles quarterbacks fill if they were compared to the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?

According to a report, the Philadelphia Eagles will be signing Tim Tebow as a quarterback. That gives the Eagles five quarterbacks on their roster.

This leads to many questions surrounding the Eagles and their locker room. No, I am not talking about who will start, or who is the best among them. More so, if a Power Ranger was assigned to each of these individuals who would it be?

Also, if they were to combine their forces and come together to form the worst quarterback of all time (much like the Power Rangers combine to form the most powerful machine in the universe with the Megazord) which attribute of each quarterback would fit best?

These hard hitting questions must be answered. After all, if you really think about it these quarterbacks do fit the mold of the original five Power Rangers quite well. So here are the roles they would fill and what poor quality each quarterback possesses that would transfer over to the Megazord of bad quarterbacks.

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Red Ranger: Mark Sanchez

Mark Sanchez would be entitled to the role of the Red Ranger. Not only is he the best of the bunch of and will most likely be the starter, his natural leadership make him a perfect candidate for the Red Ranger. Not to mention his history with Kelly’s offense and years of experience as a starting quarterback in the NFL.

Sanchez’s most notable characteristic that makes him a sub-par quarterback in the NFL is his decision making capability under pressure, or the lack there of. We all remember the famous “butt fumble,” when Sanchez put his face in his own teammates rear end and a fumble resulted. So his head will be the portion of the Megazord that he fulfills. With it, this quarterback will consistently make the worst decision possible, bump into teammates, and probably eat a hot dog or two on the sideline.

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Blue Ranger: Tim Tebow

Is there a person out there who wouldn’t consider Tim Tebow an outcast in his own way? His outspoken point of view on religion is considered a pariah of sorts in the NFL. Not to mention his inability to become a starter kind of separates him as the odd man out in this group of quarterbacks.

Similarly, the Blue Ranger is the nerdy one of the bunch. He gets taken under the wing of the Red Ranger (Mark Sanchez in our case) and gets taught not only how to become a better fighter, but also fit in better at their local high school. Maybe Sanchez will teach Tebow a thing or two on how to throw the football. At the very least he can show him how to fit in a NFL locker room. Sanchez and Tebow are now paired up in the NFL for the second time with a second team.

Tebow’s worst attribute is definitely his throwing mechanics. He will contributing his left arm to the Megazord, where he will throw interceptions, miss wide open bubble routes, and just suck overall as a pocket passer.

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Pink: Matt Barkley

Matt Barkley is the best looking out of all the quarterbacks on the Eagles roster. His luscious blonde locks, captivating blue eyes, and amazing body make him a piece of eye-candy for every USC and Eagles female fan out there to gush over.

This all seems to be too parallel to the Pink Ranger. In her hay day, the Pink Ranger was an excellent gymnast, intelligent problem solver, and valuable member of the team. But as the series continued, every Power Rangers fans really knew her real purpose out there, to look good for young boys to crush on during Saturday morning cartoons. Just like Barkley won’t really do anything of real value for the Eagles this year except for look good on the sideline.

Barkley’s worst attribute is most definitely his decision making. Not being able to make the correct reads and jump on flaws in the defense is a pretty easy death sentence in Chip Kelly’s offense. So to add to this Megazord of awfulness, Barkley will add his inability to make good decisions.

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Black: GJ Kinne

No one ever cared about the Black Ranger. The hard truth that this character was under-developed and just there to fill a void in the cast, which lends itself perfectly to GJ Kinne filling this role for the Eagles.

No one even knows who this guy is. After doing some research, I found out that he was a quarterback for Tulsa in his younger years and bounced around from the UFL to the AFL before landing his first roster spot on the Eagles this off season. It seems that he will garner no attention for the Eagles while Tim Tebow, Mark Sanchez, and Sam Bradford take up all ESPN’s time as the season comes nears.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t get to contribute to the Megazord though. While Kinne was a pretty solid pocket passer at Tulsa, he was no natural athlete. In fact, his speed is somewhat laughable. He ran for about 1,300 yards in college, where his minimal athleticism got him by in the Tulsa offense. His speed is what he adds to this Megazord of awfulness

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Yellow: Sam Bradford

Sam Braford recently got traded to the Eagles for Nick Foles. Many were confused by this move, but if you look at Bradford’s skill set you will quickly realize that he has the most upside to any of the five quarterbacks on the Eagles roster.

The Yellow Ranger, who was the Pink Ranger’s best friend and instrumental part of the Power Ranger team, provided the Saber Tooth Tiger-Zord, that allowed the Rangers to fully overcome the evil Zedd and Rita.

Many people might be confused as to why Sam Bradford is picked as the Yellow Ranger. If you recall to the show, the Yellow Ranger had to sit out of all the stunts and walking scenes after she injured herself on set. Much like Bradford’s inability to stay healthy over the course of his career, he will be the cripple of the group and supply his injury prone body to the Megazord.

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Zordon: Chip Kelly

The mastermind behind the Power Ranger initiative to save planet Earth from ancient evil is Zordon. The mastermind behind gathering five quarterbacks on one roster for the Eagles depth chart is Chip Kelly.

Both have complete control over their respective teams. Chip Kelly is constantly under heavy criticism from the media and many criticized Zordon for choosing Jason Lee Scott a.k.a. the Red Ranger to lead the Power Ranger squad. Of course, the Red Ranger would eventually get replaced by the Green Ranger later in the series after Zordon realized the flaws in his original plan and the Green Ranger became the Gold Ranger (Yes I am suggesting Mark Sanchez will get replaced here).

So Chip Kelly has put together an extremely mediocre staff to play quarterback for the 2015 Eagles. They all have some positive attributes here and there, but are mostly known for their negative ones. While the decision to have five quarterbacks doesn’t make much sense, it does allow for the comparison between the Power Rangers and the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback situation. Which is definitely worth it in the long run if you really think about it.

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Eagles QBs combine to form Power Rangers’ Megazord

By FanSided Staff | Apr 19, 2015