NFL Podium Fashion: We’re Really Going To Miss You, Sam Bradford
By Tim Ryan
The NFL regular season sadly came to an end yesterday and in a month, it’ll all be over and we can begin focusing solely on rooting against LeBron.
It always seems like the season flies, but this one felt especially fast. So yesterday was the final opportunity for many to offer up their absolute best when it comes to the postgame podium, where star players — particularly Bucs budding legend, Gerald McCoy — are bestowed with the opportunity to style and profile like The Nature Boy, inevitably setting Twitter ablaze and seizing the attention of big brands so as to finally land that elusive endorsement gig with Beggin’ Strips.
Man oh man, what a commercial that will be.
Unfortunately, we’re still waiting for some clinically insane showman to take it to this kind of next-level intensity.
But make no mistake about it, this weekly showcase of styles includes all walks of life, led by fashion-forward trailblazers such as the electric Blake Bortles, who doesn’t give one single shit and never will give one single shit.
As we’ve witnessed over these last few years of vital coverage, sometimes the ensemble does work:
Oh Jay, how we’ve missed your presence in this space. Although I must say, Matt Barkley’s outward misery at the podium has been pretty special to experience.
Unfortunately, not everyone wears leather jackets to meet with the media, so it’s not uncommon to see that — at times — the ensemble most certainly does NOT work.
For example, that time in November when it looked like it might all be over for poor Marcus Mariota.
Oh, and it’s no coincidence that Mariota got hurt after he shaved his mustache. The lesson as always, never mess with mojo.
*****MISSING IN ACTION*****
It was Week 17, so there were a hell of a lot players missing in action. With divisions wrapped up and the need for teams to rest their stars, we got to see Mark Sanchez try and play quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. And he sure tried. He finished with as many interceptions on the day that Tom Brady has for the entire season. Quite a performance.
Anyway, without further ado, these are their stories…
Robert Griffin III
Please allow me to introduce you to pleasant AMC movie usher, RGIII.
“Looks like you’re in theater 8 to see Trolls, which I get to see all season long. Theater is to your left, mam. Enjoy.”
*****
Larry Fitzgerald
If you’re gonna go with the red suit and tie, you have to take it to this level; unlike RGIII did.
There’s a reason Fitz is an all-timer and Bob Griffin III is the current face of the Cleveland Browns.
*****
Sam Bradford
It’s kind of upsetting that the Vikings got off to such a hot start but more or less crumbled to pieces and missed the playoffs. You know why? Because this is the last installment that will include Sam Bradford, this year’s shocking Press Conference MVP.
So since this is the last one with Sammy, you’re getting two shots from his presser. I strongly believe these serve as beautiful bookends, summarizing a rather cartoonish 2016 season from the Vikings quarterback.
Gonna miss you and your maniacal facial expressions, buddy. Stay weird.
*****
Landon Collins
Last week, the head of Landon Collins was all about the holidays and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas by letting his hair do all the talking.
This week, Landon’s hair was all about TEAM. UNITY. Love this guy.
*****
Von Miller
The Good Life indeed, sir. Nobody enjoys the enjoyment quite like Von Miller, even with his team missing the playoffs.
Exhibit A:
Von Miller's cleats have a picture of himself. pic.twitter.com/EH5mauS2G7
— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) January 1, 2017
It’s safe to say Von Miller is one of the funnest and funniest players in the NFL. The dude just loves life.
Throwing a photo of himself making a ridiculous face onto his own cleats is only something Teflon Von — and maybe one or two others — could pull off without it coming across as self-involved and arrogant.
*****
Andy Dalton
Considering Tom Brady’s hair has inexplicably begun taking after Lloyd Christmas’ dome and Russell Wilson hasn’t seen a barber in roughly two years, it’s safe to say that Andy Dalton owns the NFL hair game.
And it sure as hell seems like he knows it too.
*****
Aaron Rodgers
Hear from @AaronRodgers12 after the #Packers claimed the NFC North & No. 4 seed in the playoffs.
— Green Bay Packers (@packers) January 2, 2017
🎥: https://t.co/VzI7gokQFY#GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/g1MLytdA1Z
I’m abstaining from making fun of Aaron Rodgers and his severe lack of style (even though I just did by saying that) because his performance in Detroit last night was obscene.
Some of those throws… maaaaaan.
The Giants are so screwed.
*****
Tom Brady
Speaking of Sir Thomas, did he change personal stylists or something? Does he not care as much anymore? Because this is the pumpkin pie haircut of someone who does not care what kind of haircut they get.
He also looks like Dexter just seconds before gleefully chopping someone up and taking them for a ride on “Slice of Life.”
*****
Cole Beasley
Dallas wide receiver Cole Beasley was playing for keeps yesterday and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.
This man is not the hero we wanted, he’s the hero we needed.
*****
Aaron Ripkowski
@TheSportsHernia I don't know where Ripkowski shines brightest here: The beard, chest hair, necklace or shirt with cheese curd grease stains pic.twitter.com/t3n0Q9hUfj
— Shaun (@ButtersBC) January 2, 2017
Speaking of heroes, Packers fullback Aaron Ripkowski and the grease stains on his polo just won my heart.
*****
Cam Newton
Cam Newton’s season ended with a failed 2-point conversion and a convincing audition for Harlem Nights Too.
Sounds about right given Carolina’s lost season.
In all seriousness, that’s a great fedora and probably the first time Cam has not worn something out of the fluorescent family in 6 months.
*****
Jahleel Addae
Avid Star Wars fan Jahleel Addae and his touching tribute to the late Princess Leia was enough to bring a tear to the eye.
*****
Derrick Henry
Shortly after Derrick Henry met with the media, he broke into a dizzying breakdancing routine that had the entire locker room — including reporters — screaming for more.
*****
Antonio Brown
Antonio Brown wisely took the day off but No. 84 never takes time off from putting the fashion world in a chokehold. This outstanding hat is just the latest example of his genius.
Guy is truly unbelievable.
Antonio Brown wins the day. pic.twitter.com/zsg0dWWPVq
— Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) January 1, 2017
*****
Devin McCourty
Patriots defensive back Devin McCourty finished strong, becoming the official NFL spokesman for all things “random t-shirts.”
Mario, Luigi, the Toad and freakin’ Yoshi? Any fan of Yoshi is a friend of mine.
McCourty continues to make it more difficult to hate the Pats, but I have great confidence I’ll find my way there.
*****
Lavonte David? Lavonte David!
After the game, @bucinsider met up w/ Lavonte David to talk his performance & looking ahead to next season!
— Tampa Bay Buccaneers (@Buccaneers) January 2, 2017
WATCH: https://t.co/97jNGUefmx pic.twitter.com/Fu8pDb8YOQ
Bucs linebacker Lavonte David with the Cubs jersey? Impossible to go wrong there.
*****
Colin Kaepernick
Noooooooooo!
This was perhaps the final time we’ll see Colin Kaepernick as a starting QB in the NFL, which means it’s quite possibly the last time we’ll see him at the podium.
So what does he do? He flattens his hair explosion into cornrows.
Sadly, this makes perfect sense. Anything that could’ve gone wrong for the Niners this year, went wrong.
*****
Joe Flacco
Joe Flacco rarely, if ever dresses up. But Flacco Face happens at least a handful of times during his press conferences and it’s an absolute delight.
This version reminds me of a puppy exceedingly confused by a simple command.
Never change, Joe. Please don’t ever change.
*****
Landry Jones
I probably haven’t used the word “dork” in over a decade but I’m having trouble finding any appropriate description for Landry Jones other than “complete and utter dork.”
And yes, Landry’s mom is the only person on earth who thought this outfit was a wise choice.
*****
Andrew Luck
It was another stellar press conference for uppity diva, Andrew Luck. This week, in lieu of dressing up or styling his hair, he discussed the theory of Darwinism.
According to my source, he’s still up there talking.
*****
Carson Wentz
Carson Wentz says he feels he was fortunate with where he landed in the NFL. pic.twitter.com/xwfaiJ3jmq
— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) January 1, 2017
Remember Carson Wentz in Week 1? Well, he’s learned very fast and no longer looks like a guy attending a family BBQ and wearing a shirt that he would probably just throw out if he got mustard on it.
At least he finished strong somewhere. Off the field definitely works.
*****
Julian Edelman
After the Patriots took care of the Dolphins, Julian Edelman briefly met with reporters before heading to the club with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a gaggle of giggling groupies, and his hairy chest.
*****
Malcolm Jenkins
Excellent finish to a very stylish season, Malcolm Jenkins. Now please, tell me where you got that divine hat and tell me at once.
*****
Tyrod Taylor
No podium for Tyrod Taylor this week, though he still managed to own the room with his noticeably striking style. Good luck wherever you end up next year, my friend.
And on behalf of the Buffalo media, apologies for the unfortunate placement of that microphone.
*****
Gerald McCoy
Last week Gerald McCoy busted out a freakin’ tuxedo for reasons unknown, but this week was a little more subdued… although he is wearing earrings that cost slightly more than a Mercedes.
You just never know what you’re getting from Gerald McCoy and that’s what makes him so interesting to follow.
*****
Blake Bortles
Watch QB Blake Bortles and interim head coach Doug Marrone address the media.
— Jacksonville Jaguars (@Jaguars) January 1, 2017
🎥 | https://t.co/HqpfecQkLR pic.twitter.com/PBqkELjG6Z
The Jags backdrop to match the Jags sweatshirt to match the Jags hat. Edgy approach.
Blake Bortles is by far the most adventurous man in the NFL.
*****
Eli Manning
I gotta hand it to Eli Manning this season. He’s not only played well, he’s also avoided his typical suits that contradict each other with a minimum of five dueling patterns.
So he’s not here for the fashion mockery that he’s become such a regular victim of, he’s here for the signature ELI DERP face.
*****
Carson Palmer
Carson Palmer going with the brief part down the middle that abruptly shifts gears into a part on the side.
Great stuff from the trailblazing doctor of style.
*****
Ndamukong Suh
The big fella looking pretty smooth up there at the podium. Quite a surprise, as I imagine Suh to be the type to conduct most of his interviews in a bathrobe at the very most.
*****
Cordarrelle Patterson
It might be a good idea for Cordarrelle Patterson to take Blake Bortles shopping some time.
The combination of his shirt color, the gold chains, and the streaks in his hair were clearly thought out, basically making him the complete opposite of Bortles.
Then again, everyone is the complete opposite of Bortles.
*****
Matt Ryan
Matt Ryan pulled a Blake Bortles so instead of discussing staunch devotion to team merchandise again, I’m pulling out this gem of Matty’s sweaty meltdown from last season.
Having said that, GO FALCONS.
*****
Steve Smith Sr.
Steve Smith Sr. isn’t here for the fashion, although I do like the statement-making tattoos. He’s here because he’s an undersized living legend who played his ass off for 16 seasons and now he’s calling it quits.
Gotta love the emotion here. I challenge you not t get choked up watching this:
Steve Smith Sr. tells CBS "that's it" after Ravens final game of the season. pic.twitter.com/EeCg8iHY9j
— NFL on CBS 🏈 (@NFLonCBS) January 1, 2017
Smith’s cleats from yesterday is where the fashion comes into play. He wore a special pair that had the names of significant influences in his life, both in football and out. Awesomely thoughtful tribute.
*****
Matt Barkley
I’ve been getting the impression over the past few weeks that Matt Barkley could not wait for the season to be over. I know, I know. Just a hunch.
But I’d look pretty miserable too if my tailor was incapable of tailoring jacket sleeves to fit properly.
*****
Matt Cassel
CASSEL: I think it's huge to finish this season with a winning record. It's something to build on. pic.twitter.com/H54IrLHOJ4
— Tennessee Titans (@Titans) January 1, 2017
This might be the saddest, most depressing photo we’ve seen all season long. Matt Cassel has never been so unenthused and emotionally removed in his entire life.
And that might be because he’s going bald, because you never, ever wear a hat with a suit unless that’s the case. Or unless you’re 75-years-old. In which case, you’re probably bald.
*****
Russell Wilson
Actually, you also wear a hat with your suit if you’ve refused to get a haircut since Week 8.
Well played, Russ. You’ve dodged the mockery this time. See you next week.
*****
Jarvis Landry
Jarvis Landry is going to the playoffs but his hair is no longer four different colors, including pink. Colossal fail.
Priorities, man. Priorities.
*****
The Rams
Great season, guys!
*****
Matt Moore
Could use some major work. He’s got that whole Alex Smith “let’s go golfing vibe” happening here.
You know, kind of exactly like this.
Shocking:
Alex Smith is now at the podium. https://t.co/T3kEyjNa11
— Kansas City Chiefs (@Chiefs) January 2, 2017
*****
Drew Brees
I don’t think this has ever happened anywhere even remotely close to Week 17, but Happy Easter, Drew Brees!
*****
Buster Skrine
Jets DB Buster Skrine with the BAPE jacket and the distinct hair that continues to own the locker room.
*****
Bonus Round: Aqib Talib, Class Act!
Aqib Talib just moved even further up the ladder on the list of the NFL’s most impressive douchebags. Congrats, ‘ya dick.
Seriously, is this guy for real?
Aqib Talib: "I told him if he wears that chain in front of me I'm gonna snatched it off him." #Broncos pic.twitter.com/D0b7onr5ho
— Ryan Greene 📷 (@RyanGreeneDNVR) January 2, 2017
Yeah, yeah, whatever man. Time to ice up, SON.
Best NFL postgame interview ever? It’s gotta be Top 10. #NeverForget
*****
Previously:
- Landon Collins’ Hair Wishes You A Very Merry Christmas
- Colin Kaepernick Honors Rogue One, Goes Full Jedi
- Cam Newton To Star In Golden Girls: The Movie
- Cam Newton Got Benched For Being Cam Newton
- Mariota’s Mustache Has Seized Control Of The NFL
- Tom Brady Broke Out The Inspector Gadget Jacket
- Antonio Brown’s Jacket Just Lit The World On Fire
- Tom Brady’s XXXL Overcoat Won The Weekend
- The Remarkable Transformation Of Case Keenum
- Tom Brady Pays Homage To Terrible Clothing
- Andrew Luck Fills Flashy Void For Tom Brady
- Cam Can’t Figure Out Which Color To Paint The Kitchen
- J.J. Watt Redeems Himself With “Sandlot” Shout-Out
- Meet Cam Newton, Exiled Member Of Exotic Barbershop Quartet
- Matt Ryan Takes Over Zoolander Duties In Tom Brady’s Absence
- Cam Newton Channels A Fashion-Forward Steve Urkel
*****
For more scorching takes and unapologetic honesty, follow Tim Ryan on Twitter and Instagram. For a look at last season’s colorful ride at the NFL podium, each of those installments can be found here.