Nike’s Ugliest, Most Offensive Bulls-Inspired Sneaker Has Returned For Reasons Unknown
By Tim Ryan
The “Nike Air More Uptempo 96” is by far the most demeaning way anyone could ever honor Michael Jordan and his historic 1996 Chicago Bulls.
When it comes to sneakers we all adored and loved as kids, there are plenty of classics that have followed their way straight into adulthood and remained on the top shelf, still widely held in high regard.
The “Nike Air More Uptempo 96” is definitely not one of those sneakers.
Yet for reasons unknown, today — April 7, 2017 — said sneaker was released in adult sizes for the absurdly stupid price of $160.
Seriously, $160 for these.
Keep that price close to mind when you think of the amazing Jordan 1 High OG Royals that released last Saturday and went for the exact same price, with the stark difference being that you won’t be laughed out of the office or off the street when wearing them.
Sure, they are inspired by the Chicago Bulls color scheme and honor the amazing ’96 Bulls team that went 72-10, but is this really the right way to honor true greatness?
If you were to show this photo to someone who was previously unaware of the sneaker’s existence, I can pretty much guarantee they could be convinced this design was sent in by a diehard Bulls fan no older than age 11.
Speaking of young fans, on the actual Nike site — as far as I can tell — it still only has the shoe available in youth sizes, which makes a hell of a lot of sense when viewed from a 3rd grader’s perspective and in a 3rd grader’s shoe size.
Some designs just weren’t meant to ever graduate to the adult level.
Alas, sites like Villa and Renarts went ahead and released the shoe in men’s sizes today and I imagine they’ll be sitting there for quite some time until they’re eventually slapped with a “75% OFF!” tag.
In the event you have already purchased a pair of these street-ready Sneaker Slippers, I highly recommend completing this tragic circle of poor taste by snatching up a Chicago Bulls sweatshirt with the logo made entirely of Puffy Paint, to go along with a bedazzled fanny pack.
No need to thank me for the tip, you’re already welcome.
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Previously:
- The “PG 1 Ivory” Dropped & It Does NOT Feature Paul George’s Face
- Paul George’s Signature Shoe Features His FACE
- The Innovative Kobe A.D. “NXT” Just Released
- The Air Jordan 1 “High OG Royal” Has Returned
- Puma x WWE x Foot Locker Collaboration For WrestleMania 33
- Nike Releases “FlyEase” Version Of LeBron Soldier 10
- Michael Jordan Gifts Serena Williams With Custom Jordans
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For more scorching takes oozing with candor and a general air of superiority, follow Tim Ryan on Twitter and Instagram.