6 winners and losers from Thanksgiving: Turnovers for dessert

Greetings from the other side of one of the more consequential Thanksgiving days in recent NFL history.

Going in, we knew that it was going to be crucial for the playoff picture, and if the favorites won, it would’ve really given some structure to what this last stretch of the season was going to look like. And then all of the underdogs won, and now a playoff picture that was in limbo is now somehow even limbo-ier.

It was awesome football. We saw a close one between the Packers and Lions, a close one between the Cowboys and Chiefs and a rare blowout by the Bengals over the Ravens. Even that last game, which wasn’t remotely close, was still a whole lot of fun to watch because of the six turnovers involved. What a day, and we get to do it all over again on Sunday. 

These are the biggest winners and losers from Thanksgiving. It’s not just the teams, but it’s specific players (and then also some clowns that you spent the day with).

NFL Thanksgiving winner: Micah Parsons

When the Packers traded for Micah Parsons, it came with a little bit of added value beyond his regular pass-rushing prowess: He was a career 3-1 in Thanksgiving games with 6.5 sacks. That’s a pretty solid stat line for any four games in any situation, but for a primetime game that happens specifically on short weeks? Buddy, that’s rock solid. 

He kept the train rolling against the Lions on Thursday. He was living in the backfield, forcing Jared Goff into a truly abysmal afternoon. He wound up with 2.5 more sacks, setting a new career high on Thanksgiving.

That’s pretty wild efficiency, and it came at the perfect time. Goff had a pretty good game, especially considering he was without Amon-Ra St. Brown and Sam LaPorta, but the sacks and pressures came at all the right times. 

No one is saying that Parsons won this game for the Packers, but without him, that Lions offense would’ve been a whole lot better.

NFL Thanksgiving winner: The Dog Show aunt

The National Dog Show is cool. It’s fun to see a bunch of dogs that you only see once a year walk around and get invasively inspected by a dog judge. Then again, the Lions are good now, and the Dog Show aunt doesn’t quite understand that yet.

“We know the Lions are going to lose, why are we watching this? There’s a good chance the Belgian Sheepdog wins this year. That’s more interesting.”

And then you had to explain that she was wrong, and the Lions were actually favorites over the Packers entering Thursday. Of course, then the Lions lost, and your aunt spends the rest of the day saying that she was right and that you don’t know ball. You don’t have a response to that because she was, in fact, right the whole time. 

NFL Thanksgiving loser: The speeds of light and sound

With 2:12 left in the second quarter, the Packers lined up for a fourth-and-one from the Lions’ two-yard line. Whoops: Anthony Belton false-started, and the Packers were going to have to kick a field goal. Double whoops: Somehow Matt LaFleur called a timeout before the ref actually threw the flag, and the penalty was waved off. The Packers scored on the very next play. 

In case you're wondering what calling a timeout before a false start looks like, here you go:

So, the jump clearly happens before LaFleur can signal for the timeout. Maybe he was able to yell for one? 

Far be it from me to question the eyes, ears, judgment, mental capacity and intentions of our NFL referees … so I won’t. Instead, let’s think about the improbability of LaFleur being able to effectively communicate with a ref on what just so happened to be a game-changing play.

First of all, when Belton jumps, LaFleur has a play sheet in front of his mouth. There’s no way that the ref was able to lip-read anything, so let’s knock that theory out of there. That means that for the refs to have called this very, very important play correctly, the ref nearest the Green Bay sideline must have heard LaFleur calling for the timeout … from 25 feet away … at an away game … on fourth down. 

I mean, that’s just not possible, unless LaFleur has found some type of way to get around the well-established laws of physics. Maybe he’s got some kind of ventriloquist thing going on where he can throw his voice and make it sound like he’s standing directly next to the ref.

What did LaFleur himself have to say about it?

Alright dude. Chill out.

NFL Thanksgiving loser: Kansas City Chiefs

Going into Week 13, the Chiefs had a 6-5 record. It was already going to be tough for them to make it to the postseason; they could realistically only lose one of their last seven games. 

Then they went into Dallas and lost. Now they’re in an unbelievably difficult spot in which they more or less have to win out. They’ll have to beat a very solid Texans team, a gross Chargers team, a stinky Titans team, a good Broncos team and an ultra-stinky Raiders team.

Sure, that doesn’t sound super daunting, but there's no margin for error left. That’s an unbelievably difficult task in this league, in this parity-filled year, and that’s just to make it to the postseason at all. This is pressure that we’ve never had to see the Patrick Mahomes-era Chiefs deal with. It’s going to be pretty interesting to see how this whole thing pans out. 

NFL Thanksgiving loser: The nephew who choked when he tried to carve the turkey for the first time

One of the best things about Thanksgiving is the little cousin/nephew who gets too much dip on his chip and demands to carve the turkey. He’s 12 years old, and his parents decided to give him a day off from his Vyvanse prescription; he’s doomed from the start.

Then he gets the eclectic knife in his hand, breaks out in sweats, cries and runs away the second someone gives him constructive criticism. It’ll be fun next year when he asks to do it again, and everyone reminds him of his 2025 botch-job.

NFL Thanksgiving loser: Lamar Jackson

Lamar Jackson is a good football player, right? He doesn’t just stink now, does he? This is the same cat who won two MVPs and probably should have won another one last season. This guy, who quarterbacks for the Ravens, is that guy, right?

Something has to be wrong with him. Over the last month and a half, he hasn’t remotely looked like the Jackson that we’ve seen over the past handful of years. It kind of makes sense since he’s coming off that hamstring injury, but that doesn’t explain some of the ding-dong plays he was making on Thanksgiving. The fumble inside his own five? The other fumble that looked very tuck rule-adjacent? Seriously, what’s happening here? 

The loss on Thursday night was his third straight game without a passing touchdown (although Isaiah Likely's goal-line fumble didn’t help), and it ended one of the least impressive five-game winning streaks that you’ll ever lay your eyes on. 

Somehow, the Bengals have a shot to win the AFC North now. They have a 4-8 record, which is just two games behind Baltimore and Pittsburgh (who haven’t played yet). Week after week, we see that no one really wants to win that division. Unfortunately, someone has to.