Now, let’s be real here. The suffering of other people absolutely can be funny. I'm not saying it should be, but in certain situations, certain people can't help themselves. Someone trips, people laugh, it’s a little messy, and everyone moves on. Just “haha,” and a little embarrassment, and you’re good to go. It’s just a thing.
The saying goes, “comedy is tragedy plus time.” Maybe if you laugh at bad things, you’re just really, really good at processing things in a positive light extremely quickly! Maybe you have that going for you!
But you have to be careful. Funerals, hospitals, Wizards games, these are places where it’s a bit too solemn. Gotta keep those laughs in. Behave yourself.
That brings us to the NBA Draft simulation we ran. Credit to Tankathon for providing the tools to simulate a lottery. Try your own! It’s fun! Keep hitting the button until it gives you something you want to see. That’s what people do.
We didn’t do that though. In our simulation, the number one pick went to the Houston Rockets. The Rockets, a young team with talent but no clear No. 1, would land Cooper Flagg.
Manifesting positive energy to make Cooper Flagg, Rocket, happen
This would be fun for pretty much everyone, with two exceptions: those in the orbit of the Phoenix Suns and those in the orbit of the Brooklyn Nets. And these two franchises deserve something good after the season they had.
But the problem here is Phoenix has missed the playoffs and is in the lottery. They do not have control over their own first round picks for years. Years. They went all in on their roster of Kevin Durant, Devin Booker, and Bradley Beal with the assumption that they would be contenders for multiple years. Who needs a pick when you’re never going to be in the lottery?
They’re in the lottery.
Unfortunately for them, they traded their pick to Brooklyn for Kevin Durant. That pick and other picks. Forever. They’re going nowhere with no way to stock up on young talent. Seeing Cooper Flagg come up with their lottery number would be, well, let’s say upsetting.
So “yay Brooklyn,” one would think. They’re in full rebuild mode, trading Mikal Bridges for multiple firsts, waiving Ben Simmons, and taking on Ziaire Williams’ salary. This sounds great.
Unfortunately for them, they did this. They traded it. The Brooklyn Nets no longer have control over Phoenix’s pick. They got their own picks back after first losing them in the James Harden trade of yesteryear, but lost control of Phoenix’s lottery balls.
So yeah. This would be a double nightmare.
Luckily, this is unlikely. Really unlikely, even. And really unlikely things never happen. That’s how it works. Trust me. I’m smart.