Hardwood Paroxysm Presents: NBA Free Agency Super-Overreactionizer

Spare us your reasonable logic and lukewarm takes — they have no place here. This is a place reserved for passion, for Opinions. The NBA free agency is in full swing and key pieces are falling like dominoes. DeAndre Jordan did some dirt to Dallas, the Lakers have lost everything, and Kendrick Perkins is the summer’s diamond in the rough. That’s right folks, the SUPER-OVERREACTIONIZER is back.

To DeAndre Jordan, You Have No Class

by Kevin Yeung (@KevinHFY) — Hardwood Paroxysm

We get it, DeAndre. You’re a max contract player for this first time ever in this cap environment, and after years of playing third fiddle, having teams line up to wine and dine you must’ve felt nice. The Dallas Mavericks told you that you could be the man for them, which I’m sure sounds especially appealing when leaving a team where your former captain wouldn’t even high-five you. I don’t blame you for jumping at the first offer you ever get in a nightclub.

Maybe, however, you should also entertain the idea of honoring your handshakes. The NBA is a professional league, and do-overs are anything but professional. You don’t get to renge on your promise any more than I get to file this into the HP roundtable, then ask to have it taken down after it’s published. You certainly don’t get to sleep with Rick Carlisle, then text Doc Rivers in the middle of the night saying that you want him back. What are you supposed to tell all of the angry Mavs fans that, just 24 hours ago, heaped praise on you as a foundational piece going forward? “I’m sorry, Chris apologized for the high-fives.” Oh, all better now!

Heck, even by saying that, you’d be doing the team’s fans better than the actual team! Letting your teammates literally barricade your house, refusing to take calls from Dallas representatives, leaving poor Mark Cuban driving around Houston trying to find your house in the 11th hour, turning the entire process into an emoji-tweeting farce – all childish pranks. Before this fiasco, Big Baby was slated to start at center for the Clippers. I’m not so sure anything has changed now.

You, DeAndre Jordan, might have single-handedly ended the Dirk Nowitzki era for good. Remember, you agreed to sign with them on July 3rd and locked up $20 million in cap space from then on – money that they could’ve used to sign your eventual replacement when you ditch not a week later, as it turns out. But hey, screwing over the Mavericks and the best basketball player they’ve ever known is okay as long as you get what you evidently want: teams literally making or breaking themselves over you, and the guys that didn’t respect you enough last season (by your judgment!) committing a whole day to wooing you and you alone.

It was a no-sum game for the Mavericks the moment your real needs were satisfied. Then, Cuban’s desperate text messages be damned, you can start to play cards.

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