Style Wars Define the Most Compelling MVP Race in Ages
By Jared Wade
The All-Bollocks All-Stars
The NBA suspended Marcus Smart for one game last week after he punched Matt Bonner in the family jewels. With these actions, he joins an ignoble fraternity of ball punchers who all have some explaining to do.
Chris Paul is the de-facto captain of the club given his lofty status among the league’s all-time great players, but who are the others?
Here is the NBA’s All-Bollocks First Team
G – Chris Paul
Chris Paul has always been ahead of his time. He even entered the elite crotch-punchers during his teen years with an infamous shot to the nuts of Julius Hodge. March Madness never changes, but the ACC aint what it used to be.
G – James Harden
James Harden has always been a bit unconventional, and his approach to hitting LeBron James in the “midsection” was no different. He didn’t let being on the ground deter him, instead breaking out his Shaolin style to make the strike.
F – Nicolas Batum
Nicolas Batum has punches for club and country.
F – Reggie Evans
Reggie Evans: The NBA Player Least Likely to Ever Be Invited to Anyone’s Wedding.
C – Serge Ibaka
Nobody likes Blake Griffin, and throwing cheap shots at the former dunk champ has almost become cliché. But Serge Ibaka is carrying on tradition. He has twice smacked Griffin in the nuts, and it is this dedication that has helped solidify his spot on the All-Bollocks roster for another season.
Next: The Nashman Goeth