Fansided

Which fast food joint most accurately represents your NFL team?

By Jeremy Lambert

Nov 20, 2016; Cleveland, OH, USA; Cleveland Browns cornerback Joe Haden (23) gets a hand on Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger (7) during the second half at FirstEnergy Stadium. The Steelers won 24-9. Mandatory Credit: Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports
Nov 20, 2016; Cleveland, OH, USA; Cleveland Browns cornerback Joe Haden (23) gets a hand on Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger (7) during the second half at FirstEnergy Stadium. The Steelers won 24-9. Mandatory Credit: Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports /
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GLENDALE, AZ – DECEMBER 24: Wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald #11 of the Arizona Cardinals walks off the field during the second half of the NFL game against the New York Giants at the University of Phoenix Stadium on December 24, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
GLENDALE, AZ – DECEMBER 24: Wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald #11 of the Arizona Cardinals walks off the field during the second half of the NFL game against the New York Giants at the University of Phoenix Stadium on December 24, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images) /

Arizona Cardinals – Sonic

I love Sonic. They have great deals on everything, you can get milkshakes and slushies and corn dogs and tater tots. Sonic has so much good food that I have a hard time classifying them as fast food. I also love the throwback feel of Sonic. Pull into a speaker lot, order your food, and wait for them to bring your order. Sometimes, the waiter is on roller skates. Most of the time, they are not. They should really be on roller skates for every order, to give you that real throwback feel.

Here’s what I don’t love about Sonic: it takes 20 minutes for someone to take my order. Maybe this is only an issue in North Carolina, I don’t know. I’m afraid to visit Sonic in other states because I don’t have time to waste in other states. I’m not visiting Arizona to spend 20 minutes sitting in a Sonic speaker lot.

The most upsetting thing in the world is going to a fast food place and not getting your food, fast. Fast food is supposed to do exactly as the phrase describes. If I wanted to wait 20-minutes for someone to take my order, I’d be better off watching an episode of The Office on Netflix and forget I’m hungry.

Everything about the Arizona Cardinals is good. Larry Fitzgerald, Carson Palmer, Adrian Peterson, Chandler Jones, Karlos Dansby, Patrick Peterson. All good players. Bruce Arians. He was a good coach. The Arizona Cardinals should have been good.

But you pull up to the speaker box, press the red button, try to order your slushie with Nerds candy, and you just sit there. You sit there, contemplating why the Cardinals have so many good players and are such a disappointment. Until you realize that, maybe, they just aren’t good. And that’s when you back out and head to McDonald’s.

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