Ice Cold Takes: NHL preseason prediction review, I owe Brad Marchand a dog

Ice Cold Takes is a humor column covering what is trending around the NHL. There’s a good chance no one will read this because the NCAA tournament is on so it’s the perfect time to review preseason predictions.

Preseason predictions are difficult. I wanted to start with that statement. With that said, I killed it. Call me hockey’s version of Nostradamus because these are so spot on it’s scary. Have a quick read through the NHL preseason prediction column before this review.

To keep the length of this column reasonable, I’ll only be discussing the predictions I got right. The predictions from October will be bolded, followed by whether or not they came true in regular text. Let’s get into it.

NHL Divisions

None of the predicted Eastern Conference divisions were correct, but they weren’t too far off. For example, the top three teams in the Atlantic were right, but in the wrong order. I predicted it would be the Boston Bruins in first, Toronto Maple Leafs in second then the Tampa Bay Lightning in third. When you look at the reasoning as to how they were ordered, it all makes sense.

The Bruins were a game away from first place last season and they were without Patrice Bergeron and Charlie McAvoy for key stretches late in the year. If they stay healthy, they can take the top seed. They didn’t stay healthy and were once again without Bergeron and McAvoy (and others) for key stretches of this season. That’s not to say they would have caught Tampa with those guys healthy all year, but it’s not to say they wouldn’t have either. We’ll never know!

Toronto is ranked ahead of Tampa Bay because no one from Tampa Bay reads this no one actually cheers for Tampa Bay. Come at me, Lightning fan.

In reality, the Leafs are an overrated trash heap that are going to rely far too much on offense and probably won’t make it out of the first round of the playoffs. “Wow, Bruin. Did you hop into your DeLorean, go back in time and write that?” Yes. Yes I did.

Look for a great season from the Hurricanes on the backs of Finnish stars Sebastian Aho and Tuevo Teravainen (sick DJ name). I really wanted to rank the Islanders higher because of my man-crush on Matt Barzal but the rest of the team isn’t really that good. Spot on with the Hurricanes, very far off with the Islanders. To be fair, they aren’t looking great lately, having been outscored 9-0 in their last two games.

Central Division: Winnipeg, Nashville, St. Louis, Dallas, Minnesota, Colorado, Chicago. The current standings are exactly that, but with Minnesota and Colorado flipped. This prediction could very well come true. The Pacific Division and the NHL award predictions were an absolute dumpster fire. Let’s jump right into the NHL story lines.

NHL Story Lines

Tom Wilson will try to kill again. This happened as I was writing the original column. Wilson kicked off his best season to date with a 20-game suspension. I had to put an edit into the original column because this came true so quickly.

The John Tavares signing will be considered a bust (if he doesn’t score in the first game). He started off well but they did eventually turn on him for a little bit. No, I didn’t cherry pick this tweet out of hundreds just to prove my point!

Brad Marchand will upset you. Granted, this wasn’t a stretch of a prediction but Marchand came into this season on fire. Absolutely no one was safe, not opposing players, not teammates, not even shock jock Bruins media members.

The San Jose Sharks will look extremely good in the regular season. True, as they do. I can’t wait until the Sharks lose in the first round of the playoffs. Martin Jones is bad.

The Nashville Predators and Winnipeg Jets will fight to the death for the top seed. They are currently separated by two points. With seven and eight games left, respectively, who controls home ice during the Predators and Jets second-round series will come down to the final stretch. Again.

The Arizona Coyotes will be media darlings. Who doesn’t love the Kachina jersey? The Coyotes having been coming on lately and could be a story heading into the playoffs. I’ll squat on this take for a little while longer just in case they make it out of the first round.

The Washington Capitals will have the worst Cup hangover of all time. Gritty will do Gritty stuff. Look at Gritty’s NCAA March Madness bracket:

Bonus Coverage: I owe Brad Marchand a dog

I’m an idiot. Most of us (myself included) already knew that but now it’s pretty well set in stone. On Wednesday, I thought it would be fun to tweet at my favorite hockey player, Brad Marchand. Sitting at a massive 499 followers, I came up with the perfect way to get my hockey idol’s attention: Dogs.

Like everyone on Twitter, I didn’t think of the consequences of my tweet until it was too late. Brad has been very active online lately, which should have been enough to stop me from tweeting this, but alas, go back to the first line of this bonus section.

Now I have to adopt an English Bulldog.

Kudos to me, because it worked. My wife isn’t too happy, but who can say no to those chubby little bulldog faces? She’ll come around. I’ve set out some ground rules:

• The dog, male or female, will be named after and referred to as Brad Marchand
• We’re keeping an eye on the local SPCA’s (Adopt, don’t shop)
• To keep accountable, I’ll be donating $20 a month to the SPCA until cute little Brad Marchand is in my arms

Enjoy skipping out on work this afternoon to watch NCAA basketball.

Keep your head up.