Thanks to Orlando Magic center Nikola Vucevic and his Instagram, we’ve learned a deep, dark secret about Kyle O’Quinn. We have learned that O’Quinn is in fact, NOTHING BUT A HEAD.
@Kyle_OQuinn full body in cold tube! #Respect pic.twitter.com/IAFi907GIq
— Nikola Vucevic (@NikolaVucevic) October 12, 2014
Oh sure, O’Quinn is going to try and play this off as his body is just under one of those new fangled whirlpool’s NBA players use these days. But we know the truth. He no longer has a body, if he ever even had one. You know, this is why I miss 80’s basketball: they had entire bodies, and even if they’d been only heads, they didn’t need whirlpools because they were tough!
I wonder if Vucevic is posting this picture not for team bonding and laughs, but to warn us. Maybe O’Quinn’s glorious beard has taken over the Orlando Magic. When it’s out in public, it operates a fake body, as to not raise suspicion. It’s like some B level horror movie, but real. Who knows how long this has been going on? Maybe O’Quinn’s beard took over from day one, implanting beard mind control devices into the entire Magic organization. That’s why the team is so secretive about everything it does. Have you ever read a quote from Rob Hennigan? He can say 200 words without actually telling you anything. That’s because he’s hiding something. And that something is that a beard is controlling him! Folks of Central Florida, be on high alert. Kyle O’Quinn’s bodyless head is out there, controlled by a beard. As a resident I fear for my safety, this might be the last thing I ever say with my own thoughts. Save yourselves.
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