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33 NFL Players To Help You Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

By Matthew Miranda

FOXBORO, MA - AUGUST 11: Rob Gronkowski
FOXBORO, MA - AUGUST 11: Rob Gronkowski /
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Jul 30, 2016; East Rutherford, NJ, USA; New York Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul (90) getting his hand taped at Quest Diagnostics Training Center. Mandatory Credit: William Hauser-USA TODAY Sports
Jul 30, 2016; East Rutherford, NJ, USA; New York Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul (90) getting his hand taped at Quest Diagnostics Training Center. Mandatory Credit: William Hauser-USA TODAY Sports /

8. Jason Pierre-Paul

Life imitates art. In the classic horror film Army of Darkness, Bruce Campbell loses a hand but gains a chainsaw in its place. In the world we know and live in today, hands are great. Everybody wants hands. Especially two hands. But we can’t always get what we want. And in a world filled with death and teeth always coming after you, it’s good to be able to accessorize.

Last summer, Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul suffered a fireworks accident that cost him a finger and nearly ended his NFL career. Pierre-Paul returned to the team that season and is primed for another chapter in an otherwise impressive run in New York. In many ways, his bounce back from the injury is more impressive than anything he accomplished beforehand. Pierre-Paul was already a millionaire with a Super Bowl ring who’d made a name for himself as a premiere defensive player for a franchise rife with them.

Yet despite his horrific setback, he persevered and showed that he’s something much more than the sum of his parts. A guy who can suffer and keep going is a guy you want on your side when everything really hits the fan. And if you’re willing to entertain the seeming unlikely possibility of zombies overrunning the earth, it’s not too much of a stretch to imagine teaming up with a former NFLer with a chainsaw strapped to his body.

Next: James Harrison

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