What would top soccer players be worth in Adam Smith’s barter economy?

Sergio Aguero: Proof that Elvis is alive

Aguero is worth a lot. He’s the highest scoring South American in Premier League history and the second fastest person to 100 Premier League goals. The Argentine has also scored 33 goals for his national team, which is amazing considering Lionel Messi exists. Aguero is probably ranked among the top five strikers in the world, depending on individual valuations.

He’s so valuable, in fact, that he’s worth proof that Elvis Presley is still alive. You can’t even imagine how much that would be worth. Whether it would be an authenticated photograph or a handwritten letter, any acknowledgment that the King of Rock and Roll is still kicking would be astoundingly expensive.

At 82 years old, Presley probably isn’t doing too well. All the years of hiding have probably taken their toll on him, in addition to all the drugs and unhealthy lifestyle. But, as many conspiracy theorists will tell you, he’s definitely alive and there’s already abundant evidence. A single piece of proof is all that’s needed to bring over the doubters, who are wrong.

If anybody held this evidence, Manchester City should sign over Aguero’s contract in exchange for the proof. It would be even more interesting if the evidence holder was the owner of a team in the unsanctioned Canadian Soccer League. Imagine Aguero having to slum it with semi-pros in Ontario. He’d probably score double hat-tricks every game. They’ll have to put him in goal just to even things up. It’ll all be worth it for Aguero, knowing that he has finally brought the truth to the world: the King lives.