Premier League interesting rankings: Stoke no longer the worst, United undeniable

Stoke got a massive win and Manchester United kept rolling in matchweek 2. Here are our updated Premier League interesting rankings.

20. Crystal Palace (last week: 19)

You know what this means, right? Stoke are not last place in our interesting rankings!

Anyway, Crystal Palace are complete blah. They did bounce back from their opening weekend loss to Huddersfield to a certain degree, keeping pace with Liverpool much of the way. But they were always going to lose. They haven’t scored a Premier League goal, which can be said for four other Premier League teams, but Palace feel like they might not score a single goal all season.

19. Bournemouth (LW: 16)

Back-to-back losses against other boring teams is no way to get my attention, Bournemouth. The Cherries let Watford come into their house and steal their TV while they just watched. Manager Eddie How refuses start Jermain Defoe. Mark my words, Bournemouth will at least score a goal if ol’ Defoe is on from the beginning.

18. Swansea (LW: 18)

Manchester United are essentially Dany and Drogon versus the Lannister army right now. Swansea, unfortunately for them, had to host the Red Devils on Saturday. The Swans were nothing more than a collection of red shirts that everyone knew would be slaughtered. And so it was.

17. Brighton (LW: 13)

Any interesting points Brighton earned by way of being a tiny, newly-promoted club have all but worn off. They lost their second straight game by the score of 2-0, this time to Leicester. At least they didn’t let The Villain Jamie Vardy score.

16. Newcastle (LW: 12)

Newcastle are a mess. That can sometimes be interesting. But the Magpies are interesting in the same way a grease fire is interesting: dangerous and sad. They lost to Huddersfield, a newly-promoted club having the kind of start to their campaign Newcastle very much intended to have.

15. West Brom (LW: 14)

Behind Manchester United and Huddersfield, West Brom are the only other Premier League team to open the 2017-18 season with two victories. Both of the wins had a scoreline of 1-0. Both were against lackluster opponents: Bournemouth last week and Burnley this week. So, while they sit third in the table, they just don’t move the needle on my interesting meter. Sorry Baggies.

14. West Ham (LW: 15)

The Hammers lost again, but seemed to rebound a bit from their opening week thrashing at the hands of Manchester United, losing 3-2 at Southampton. An early red card had West Ham on the back foot on Saturday, but Chicharito opened his scoring account, poaching a pair of goals. Because that’s really the only way he scores goals. The Hammers will be hopeful of their first points of the season as they travel to struggling Newcastle this Saturday.

13. Stoke (LW: 20)

Stoke forced my hand here: beating Arsenal, who are perfecting their Jekyll and Hyde routine, definitely caught my attention. New signing Jese Rodriguez scored a very nice — gasp! — goal for the Potters just after halftime. Arsenal had most of the possession, but Stoke managed to weather the storm and hold on for a huge three points. Is this the beginning of a climb up the interesting rankings for Stoke? I wouldn’t count on it.

12. Southampton (LW: 17)

Southampton got their first win of the season on Saturday, beating West Ham 3-2 at St. Mary’s Stadium. Scoring three goals is a decent achievement, especially since one of them came in stoppage time, but two of them were from the penalty spot. And the Hammers helped out the Saints with that early red card.

11. Manchester City (LW: 11)

City salvaged a disappointing draw with Everton thanks to late Raheem Sterling equalizer. Kyle Walker received his second yellow just before the break, leaving his side shorthanded for the rest of the match. Pep Guardiola will not be happy with the offensive production from his attacking players. However, it’s safe to say Kevin De Bruyne, Sergio Aguero and David Silva will figure things out.

10. Burnley (LW: 4)

My shooting stars from last week crash-landed on Saturday, losing 1-0 to boring West Brom. But the residual interestingness from their opening-week win over Chelsea will take a few more weeks to disappear. They have time to make their case as a top-half interesting rankings club.

9. Leicester (LW: 10)

The Foxes bounced back from their seven-goal thriller of a loss to Arsenal on opening day to cruise to a 2-0 victory on Saturday at home against Brighton. Also, their first goal was scored within the first minute by Shinji Okazaki, which is pretty quick in my opinion.

8. Watford (LW: 9)

The Hornets followed up their impressive 3-3 draw with Liverpool on matchweek 1 with a nice 2-0 away win over Bournemouth on Saturday. Etienne Capoue sealed the Watford win with a long-range bomb in the 86th minute. Let’s see how long the Hornets can hang around in the top 10 of our interesting rankings.

7. Tottenham (LW: 8)

Harry Kane narrowly missed an equalizer — it clanged off the inside of the post and almost went in — that could have changed the complexion of Spurs’ 2-1 loss at Wembley against Chelsea on Sunday. They equalized in the 82nd thanks to an own goal, but Tottenham keeper Hugo Lloris let in a Marcos Alonso winner that he would normally save.

6. Arsenal (LW: 6)

Arsenal dominated possession, and had six shots on goal, but couldn’t find the back of the net in a bad loss away to Stoke. Alexandre Lacazette had a goal disallowed by what looked like a bad offside call. The Gunners must finish their chances. Getting Alexis Sanchez back in the lineup, if he ever returns to lineup, will certainly help in that area.

5. Chelsea (LW: 5)

Marcos Alonso played the hero against Tottenham, notching a brace. His first goal was a masterful free-kick. The defending Premier League champions got back to winning ways on Sunday, although Alvaro Morata missed a few good chances and is yet to get off the mark for his new club.

4. Everton (LW: 3)

Wayne Rooney would have had his second consecutive game-winning goal had Everton not conceded a late Raheem Sterling equalizer to Manchester City on Monday. Still, the draw at Etihad Stadium was a great result for The Toffees. However, eventually someone will need to step up and help Rooney — his goal against City was his 200th in Premier League play — with the scoring duties should Everton want to make a push for a spot in Europe next season.

3. Liverpool (LW: 2)

Barcelona have reportedly thrown in the towel on their chase for Philippe Coutinho after their latest bid was rejected by Liverpool. The talisman had recently handed in a transfer request. Now it will be up to Jurgen Klopp to get his little play-maker settled back into life with Liverpool.

The Reds managed a 1-0 win at Anfield over Crystal Palace thanks to a Sadio Mane goal in the 73rd minute. Liverpool got off 23 shots, 13 of which were on target. They will hope the return of Coutinho will improve their efficiency in front of goal.

Next: GoT characters as Premier League players

2. Huddersfield (LW: 7)

How could anyone be rooting against Huddersfield right now? Not to toot my own horn, but the Terriers proved my prediction of them remaining second in the table correct by defeating Newcastle 1-0 at John Smith’s Stadium on Sunday. A wonderful strike from Aaron Mooy ensured Huddersfield became the third ever newly-promoted club to win their first two Premier League matches. Can they keep the magic going against Southampton next Saturday? Boy I hope so.

1. Manchester United (LW: 1)

United are a hurricane of goals at the moment. They posted their second consecutive 4-0 victory on Saturday, decimating Swansea at Liberty Stadium. Romelu Lukaku, Paul Pogba and Anthony Martial were all on the scoresheet again. Defender Eric Bailly opened the scoring for the Red Devils just before the halftime whistle. Jose Mourinho has his side looking like the favorites to lift the trophy in this young Premier League season.

Oh, and it looks like United are set to re-sign Zlatan. Good luck, rest of the league.