Premier League interesting rankings: City can’t stop scoring, Palace can’t start

Manchester City continue their impressive run of form while Crystal Palace may be the worst Premier League team of all time. Here’s your updated Premier League interesting rankings.

20. West Brom (Last Week: 20)

The Baggies fell to 12th place in the Premier League table after their 2-0 loss to Arsenal on Monday. They stay in last place in our interesting rankings because I’m not allowed to move them down any lower. But just know, in my heart, they’re 348th.

19. Southampton (LW: 19)

It’s becoming more and more clear the Saints and West Brom are going to have a boring-off for the rest of the season. Southampton had a decent showing against Manchester United on Saturday, only losing 1-0 at home. And they’ll probably finish around mid-table, per usual. But I’m not sure how anyone enjoys watching them play soccer.

18. Bournemouth (LW: 16)

The Cherries looked on the way to their to a second straight win on Saturday against Everton. They scored the opener and knocked Wayne Rooney out of the match. But Bournemouth gave up two late goals and sink back into 19th place in the table.

17. Stoke (LW: 11)

Darn it, Stoke. They had put in surprisingly decent performances in their last few matches, but returned to their old ways on Saturday, giving up four goals to Chelsea and scoring zero of their own. It was a home match for the Potters, smh.

16. West Ham (LW: 17)

The Hammers lost on Saturday, but they did their best to come back against Spurs at London Stadium. West Ham were down 3-0 after 60 minutes, but scored scared the crap out of Spurs by scoring two goals before time ran out. Good try, good effort.

15. Swansea (LW: 14)

Swansea haven’t won since their third match of the season, and that was against historically-bad Crystal Palace. On Saturday, the Swans lost 2-1 to Watford, giving up the winner in the 90th minute. Tammy Abraham came off the bench to provide the equalizer, his second goal of the season, but Swansea couldn’t hold on.

14. Crystal Palace (LW: 18)

Crystal Palace might be my favorite horrible team of all time. Guys, they still haven’t scored a Premier League goal this season. They are the first team to lose their first six matches without scoring. That’s amazing. The Eagles got absolutely wrecked by Manchester City on Saturday, losing 5-0. They gave up a goal to Fabian Delph for crying out loud. The longer they go without scoring, the higher they will move up in these rankings. I can’t get enough of them. Also, they play Manchester United his week. LOL.

13. Leicester (LW: 12)

The Villain Jamie Vardy made it five goals in six matches as Leicester lost to Liverpool 3-2 in an entertaining game at the King Power Stadium on Saturday. The Foxes’ only win of the season came in their second match, against Brighton. They’re now 17th, one spot above the relegation zone.

12. Everton (LW: 15)

Everton had to come from behind against Bournemouth on Saturday to secure their first win of the Premier League season since opening day. The bad news: Wayne Rooney was subbed off when he came away with a nasty bloody eye after colliding with Simon Francis. The good news: someone other than Rooney scored for the Toffees. In fact, it was Oumar Niasse, Rooney’s replacement, who scored both goals, leading Everton to victory.

11. Brighton (LW: 13)

The Seagulls jumped up to 13th place after getting their second win of the season, defeating Newcastle 1-0 at the Amex on Sunday. The goal was scored by a guy named Tomer, which is awesome. They survived Newcastle’s 17 shots to secure three huge points.

10. Newcastle (LW: 5)

Speaking of the Magpies, their loss to Brighton snapped a three-game winning streak. They remain in the top half of the table, currently sitting in 10th. DeAndre Yedlin seems to have re-earned his starting spot in the Newcastle lineup as the U.S. international started and went the full 90 for the second consecutive week.

9. Tottenham (LW: 10)

Spurs continue to win only away from home, which isn’t normally how things go in sports. Harry Kane netted a brace and Christian Eriksen added the eventual game winner as Tottenham hung on to beat West Ham 3-2 on Saturday. Maybe Spurs should see if they can play a few home games at London Stadium?

8. Huddersfield (LW: 8)

My adopted Premier League team for this season continue to get results and continue to hang around in the top 10 of the table and the interesting rankings. The Terriers fought Burnley to a scoreless draw at Turf Moor on Saturday. The clubs only managed two shots on goal apiece. You’re still interesting to me, Huddersfield!

7. Arsenal (LW: 7)

Arsenal supporters were surely happy to see their side win a game they were definitely supposed to win. A brace from Alexandre Lacazette was all the Gunners needed to cruise past boring-ass West Brom. The Frenchman is an early contender for signing of the season as he has scored four goals in his first six matches for his new club. Alexis Sanchez got the start while Mesut Ozil came off the bench as Arsene Wenger continues to work out his best starting XI.

6. Burnley (LW: 3)

It was always going to be a huge task for Burnley to stay in the top three of these rankings. A 0-0 draw at home with Huddersfield isn’t going to help. But a point is a point. And the Clarets are in ninth place. They’ll hope for at least another point this week as they travel to Everton on Sunday.

5. Liverpool (LW: 6)

Sometimes I get very annoyed with all the drama and fuss around a star player who may or may not leave his current team. And then that star player will get back on the field and I’m like oh yeah, they are amazing at soccer. Anyway, Philippe Coutinho buried a beautiful free-kick on Saturday, and assisted another Liverpool goal, to help the Reds outlast Leicester 3-2. It was Liverpool’s first win in three Premier League matches.

4. Watford (LW: 9)

The Hornets are bouncing all over the top half of these interesting rankings. I just don’t trust them. But they recovered from getting straight embarrassed my City last week to secure a nice away win over Swansea on Saturday. Although, Watford needed at 90th-minute winner from Richarlison to collect all three points. They’re now sitting in sixth place and are tied on points (11) with Tottenham (fourth) and Liverpool (fifth).

3. Chelsea (LW: 4)

The 2016-17 champions are looking like serious title contenders in 2017-18. Chelsea worked over Stoke 4-0 at bet365 Stadium on Saturday behind an Alvaro Morata hat-trick, which brings his goal tally to six for the season. The Spaniard has been a pretty decent, I guess. Blues fans will also be elated to finally be rid of Diego Costa as Chelsea agreed to terms with Atletico to send him to Spain.

2. Manchester United (LW: 2)

If you want to win the Premier League, you have to occasionally grind out ugly wins on the road. United did just that in their 1-0 win over Southampton at St. Mary’s Stadium on Saturday. Romelu Lukaku scored his sixth goal of the season and the Red Devils hung on, despite conceding 60 percent possession to the Saints. United should get back to pouring in goals this Saturday as they host dismal, but increasingly interesting, Crystal Palace.

Next: GoT characters as Premier League players

1. Manchester City (LW: 1)

City stay on top of the Premier League table and our interesting rankings thanks to goal difference. All they’ve done in the last three games is score 16 goals and allow zero. Crystal Palace came to the Etihad on Saturday. City welcomed them with an ass kicking. Raheem Sterling scored two while Leroy Sane added his own and helped on two more. Sergio Aguero joined in on the fun with a goal and an assist. We had a Fabian Delph sighting as the midfielder rounded out the scoring in the 89th minute. David Silva had two assists. The Citizens are flying high heading into their giant matchup with Chelsea at Stamford Bridge this Saturday.