Ice-Cold Takes: Playoff hype, Brody Marleau, the Art Ross race is over

Ice Cold Takes is a weekly humor column where we visit what is trending around the NHL. If you aren’t familiar with the term, a column is a recurring piece or article in a newspaper, magazine, website or other publication where a writer expresses his or her own opinion.

We’re off to a bad start. It’s only week three and I am already out of “column” intro jokes. My bad for setting that precedent.

It’s been a busy week around the NHL. Several teams have secured playoff berths and several have fallen out of the race. We’re seeing some crazy postseason matchup previews, teams fighting for their lives, brilliance, failure, beautiful goals, season-ending mistakes and most exciting of all, playoff hype videos!

Trending Up:

1. Playoff Hype Videos

The NHL playoffs are a different beast. The NBA gets the media attention, the NFL gets the ratings, but nothing compares to NHL playoff hockey. If you aren’t a hockey fan or you’re new to watching the game, do yourself a favor and watch any playoff game. I guarantee you will be all-in on hockey by the time the second overtime period ends.

Until then, teams that officially clinch playoff berths have been releasing incredible hype videos. It’s Wednesday morning. If you’re anything like me, you’re probably sipping on your second coffee of the day as you read this. Set it down and watch this:

That was the 17th time I’ve watched that video and I still came close to putting my coffee mug through a wall. Maybe it has to do with us being in the golden age of television/editing, or a rampant increase in our access to quotable “haters.” I don’t know, but every team in the league is doing this and I love every single one of them. If silencing the haters isn’t your forte, the Bruins also released this cinematic masterpiece that will relate to fans of any team:

2. Brad Marchand

You may be thinking that I just went back-to-back with the Bruins love. You’re wrong. That last trend was about the entire NHL with some close-to-the-heart examples. This second trend is me going all-in on my favorite player.

Brad Marchand is the greatest player in the NHL. Hate him all you want, but with his combination of skill, grit, scoring ability, clutch playmaking, playoff experience and flat out attractiveness, there is no one you should want to have on your team right now more than this guy. In these crazy times, we can rest easy knowing these three things are certain: The sky is blue, the earth is flat, Brad Marchand scores game-winning goals.

On Sunday night, Marchand scored his eighth game-winning goal of the season in overtime against the Minnesota Wild. On Saturday, he was being the most adorable human being on earth. How can you hate this guy:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BgrOlF9AhAt/?taken-by=nhlbruins

The Bruins host the Tampa Bay Lightning on Thursday evening. Don’t be surprised if Marchand adds to that game-winning goal total.

3. Brody Marleau

Brody, the son of Toronto Maple Leafs forward Patrick Marleau, skated with the team for his birthday on Monday. Brody had an ulterior motive though, wooing Mitch Marner’s girlfriend, Steph Lachance.

I bet Brody can pull this off, too. Let’s lay down the facts:

First, he’s obviously pretty cool and he gets to hang out with the Maple Leafs. He’s charming, charismatic and basically the same age as Marner, so it wouldn’t be weird for Steph.

Second, his dad is in the NHL. He can take Steph to as many Leafs games as she could have gone to with Marner. The added bonus is that he can also watch the games with her. Can Marner do this? No.

Third, I’m sure he has a place down in San Jose from his dad’s time spent playing there. Toronto is nice and all, but you know what is better than having a place in Toronto? Having a place in Toronto and San Jose.

Last, this kid has confidence. He flat out admits to his plan in front of members of the media on national television. Just call this kid “Ocean’s 11-year-old” because he is stealing girlfriends in broad daylight. Unbelievable.

TRENDING DOWN

1. These two at the Leafs game asking the world’s dumbest question.

If we were to add one thing to our above list of things that are certain, it would be that Joe Flacco is elite.

First and foremost, Flacco won the Baltimore Ravens a Super Bowl. He consistently elevates or revives the careers of his wide receivers (See: Anquan Boldin, Jacoby Jones, Torrey Smith, Steve Smith Sr., 2016 Mike Wallace). He also has one of the best arms in the game. No one can throw like Joe.

This past season, he had the Ravens one play away from a playoff spot. Most impressively, he did it with three lucky fans who got to play the wide receiver position for the Ravens this season (Wait. I’m being told those were actual NFL receivers — my bad).

I could go on for days about how good Joe Flacco is, but this is a hockey column. Just know that these two guys at the Leafs game might as well have had a sign asking “Is water wet?” What a waste of a Bristol board.

2. The Philadelphia Flyers

In back-to-back weeks, we’re featuring a team getting destroyed by a fan. Last week, bear-face woman called everyone’s mom “Aho” at the Hurricanes game. This week, Sidney Crosby’s grandmother summed up exactly how the entire hockey world feels about the Flyers:

Take that, Philly. The best part about this might be her face as she flips off Brandon Manning. She’s angry, awesome and adorable at the same time. Her gesture pretty well sums up the Flyers’ season series with the Pens this year, as they’ve now lost all four games to big-brother Pittsburgh.

A friend of mine said the Flyers would make a run for the cup this year because “everyone is sleeping on them.” My friend is wrong. Everyone is sleeping on them because they suck.

3.  Everyone not named Connor McDavid in the Art Ross Trophy race

Sorry Nikita Kucherov, apparently Connor McDavid decided in February that he would like to win the Art Ross Trophy this season. He wasn’t really threatening at that point, but since then he’s rattled off a ridiculous 24 goals in 27 games. Since the beginning of February, McDavid has 45 points.

Last night he broke 100 points for the second straight season, with a three-point effort in a loss to the Blue Jackets to move his total to 102. It’s too bad the Edmonton Oilers are terrible, because McDavid would be a blast to watch in the playoffs. On Wednesday night, teammate Ty Rattie summed up just how good he thinks McDavid is:

Ridiculous. Congratulations on the Art Ross Connor (And possibly the Rocket Richard).

BONUS TREND:

Trending even this week – Cam Ward:

Cam Ward took a puck that had no chance of going in and scored on himself. He also took a puck that had virtually no chance at missing the net and somehow kept it out.

Cam ward is your first ever up and down trend. Cam Ward is staying up way too late playing Fortnite but getting a win in your last match. Cam Ward is getting into a fight with your significant other but going out for a nice dinner to reconcile. Cam Ward is a long day’s work followed by a rewarding ice-cold beer.

Cam Ward is beginning to sound like an Alanis Morissette song.

Betting locks of the night (0-4):

Admittedly, we’re off to a bit of a rough start in the betting section of the column. I’m looking to turn it around this week (but I also added a disclaimer to the bottom of this section, just in case).

Don’t worry about me personally, though. I won big by riding the Eagles through the NFL postseason and collected a decent chunk of change when Quavo won the Celebrity All-Star Game MVP. So let’s keep spending those winnings:

Colorado (-135) over Philadelphia: Let’s hate on Philly some more. They are terrible. Colorado and Philly both need a win tonight, but Colorado is actually decent.

Arizona (+231) over Vegas: Vegas will ease up a little now that they’ve clinched a playoff spot. Arizona is coming off of a big win against Tampa Bay. The only way to make up for gambling losses is to take bigger risks, right?

Disclaimer: In no way should you take betting advice from the idiot that writes this column. He has minimal knowledge of the subject, often bets on personal hunches or likes/dislikes and has been known to flip a coin for tougher matchups. I will not be held accountable for any bets made based on “advice” from this column.

Next: 27 greatest American players of all-time

Thus concludes our third column. Enjoy the rest of your week!

Keep your head up.

Odds according to Oddsshark.