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Ryder Cup 2018: Get to know the European squad

By Sam Ofman

CHASKA, MN - OCTOBER 02: Rory McIlroy of Europe and Patrick Reed of the United States look on from the fourth tee during singles matches of the 2016 Ryder Cup at Hazeltine National Golf Club on October 2, 2016 in Chaska, Minnesota. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images)
CHASKA, MN - OCTOBER 02: Rory McIlroy of Europe and Patrick Reed of the United States look on from the fourth tee during singles matches of the 2016 Ryder Cup at Hazeltine National Golf Club on October 2, 2016 in Chaska, Minnesota. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images) /
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US fans can’t wait to cheer on the American side during the Ryder Cup, but it’s important to know the enemy, too. So who exactly are these Europeans?

You know the US Ryder Cup team like the back of your golf glove. They’re the best players on the PGA Tour, and as such, you watch them compete for a title just about every Sunday. But the European squad? That’s a whole different ball game. In fact, a ball game in Europe is a whole different game, too.

Nobody’s as excited for the Ryder Cup than Nick Faldo, who’s been dropping subtle barbs aimed at the host country of France for months. To capture that spirit of lighthearted international ribbing, here’s a quick primer on who these Europeans are and what it is exactly that sets them apart from red-blooded Americans like you and me.

  • Jon Rahm (Spain) – He’s young enough to have spent a good part of his life in the States, almost enabling him to blend in among Americans, but his tight pants just scream European.
  • Rory McIlroy (Northern Ireland) – Like Rahm, McIlroy is young and spent plenty of time in the States, almost enabling him to blend in among Americans, but his accent just screams European.
  • Tommy Fleetwood (England) – The name Fleetwood sounds like something Charles Dickens would come up with to name a fast-working carpenter.
  • Alex Noren (Sweden) – Swedes hate the stereotype that they are passive and avoid conflict. However, In this 2016 Golf Monthly interview, Noren says, “I’ve never had any goals.” Sounds passive to me.
  • Thorbørn Olesen (Denmark) – The most European thing about Thorbørn is without question the slashed ø in his first name. You don’t see many of thøse west of the Atlantic. It’s very European to have a name that Americans can’t pronounce with confidence. However, according to his website, Thorbørn translates to “Thunder Bear,” which has a distinctly American feel to it.
  • Francesco Molinari (Italy) – Nothing is more Italian than sharing the same hometown as the guy who started the Lavazza coffee company.
  • Tyrell Hatton (England) – Hatton’s European status was on display at the Dell Technologies a couple of weeks back as Americans unfairly ridiculed his demonstrative antics on the golf course. Broadcasters called him “a roller coaster of emotion” and speculated about whether he’d be able to keep it together. Meanwhile, he displayed about one-tenth the discomposure of Jordan Spieth, who can fall to his knees in disbelief after missing a 20-footer and complain wildly without drawing the criticism of American media. Being vilified for no good reason makes Hatton unquestionably European.
  • Justin Rose (England) – Is there anything more English than winning the US Open? Think about it. in 2013 Rose traveled to the New World and established total command of a large plot of land in what was once a British colony, keeping his American born challengers at bay. While British imperialism didn’t stand the test of time, Rose appears to have serious staying power.

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  • Paul Casey (England) – The Paul Casey Wikipedia page is a real hoot. Here is a list of the proper nouns from the first paragraph of his “Early and personal life” section. See if you can pick out the non-English one: Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, Weybridge, Surrey, Cleve’s School, Hampton School, London, A levels (not a proper noun, but too English to resist including it), Strode’s College, Egham and Arizona State University. It’s like reading a script from Fawlty Towers.
  • Henrik Stenson (Sweden) – Check out Henrik’s top 5 lists on his website. You’ll never guess the author of the Swingin’ Swede’s favorite book. Hint: It’s Stieg Larsson. As Swedish as that is, somehow his list of favorite candies is even more glaringly un-American. One of them is “mushrooms” and that simply can’t mean the same thing it does in the Western Hemisphere.
  • Ian Poulter – There’s no shortage of over-the-top British qualities when it comes to Poulter. He’s like a caricature of a stereotypical English hooligan. I’ll opt for his general pastiness. Anyone who can avoid a suntan as a professional golfer must be English.
  • Sergio Garcia (Spain) – Sergio has a history of taking a competitive siesta on Sunday afternoons.
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