Ice Cold Takes: Valentine’s Day in the NHL, trade rumors, Ducks win!

Ice Cold Takes is a weekly humor column covering what is trending around the NHL. This week, we trade in our regular format for an all-love Valentine’s Day Feb. 15 special.

It’s Feb. 15! Which is probably a meaningless day to you, other than perhaps your morning trip to the drug store for a pregnancy test (Just kidding, I don’t think they work that fast). Valentine’s Day is still in the air, though, so let’s keep with the loving theme.

Like an upcoming episode of Wife Swap (when it was popular for about three weeks in ~2004), we’re all sitting here, super excited to see who goes where in the days leading up to the NHL trade deadline. While there hasn’t been much movement yet, perhaps Valentine’s Day will butter up some of these general managers enough to bring down their asking prices.

Hey Jarmo, we know Artemi Panarin is a very talented player, but he’s not going to do you any good if you let him walk in the offseason for nothing in return. Let’s get this bread, man!

As it is (one day after) the only day of the year when it’s appropriate to celebrate love, this week’s trends will all be positive. There will definitely not be a sarcastic undertone to any of the following six points.

NHL Players on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a bit of a scam. Early in relationships, it’s a great way to show you love someone a little extra by buying them flowers or going on a nice date, but as Vladimir Tarasenko points out in this video, you should show them this kind of love 365 days a year.

Despite V-Day being a bit of a consumer holiday, this has to be the saddest bunch of advice in Valentine’s history. First and foremost, “don’t forget” is goal number one. Thanks, everyone, for being so perceptive. Most of the players go with the classic flowers and chocolate, which is fine. Jamie Benn thinks you should buy shoes — which is different, but also fine if your significant other is into shoes.

“Maybe pick up the tab.” I mean, guys. Come on. With your multi-million dollar contracts, I would hope you’re all picking up your Valentine’s date tabs. Tyler Seguin takes the cake with his single awareness day line: “Guys at home, if you’re single, give me a call and we’ll hang out.” Not sure if saying this on the internet is going to draw the crowd you’re interested in…

Bergeron spreading the love 

Patrice Bergeron has been in the headlines a ton recently. After playing his 1000th game, leading the Bruins on a hot stretch and just generally being the best two-way player in NHL history, there’s no shortage of things to talk about when it comes to Patrice. Here is yet another reason he is incredible:

The no-look pass is a difficult play in hockey, but he made this so easy that any one of us could have scored that goal. Patrice might not get a new Valentine until closer to the trade deadline, but until then, he and Danton Heinen sure make a cute couple. Speaking of cute couples!

PK Subban and Lindsey Vonn

NHL/Olympic power couple Lindsey Vonn and PK Subban became an official thing this summer when they posted pictures of both of them wearing Lindsey’s bathing suit. More recently, Subban helped Vonn celebrate her retirement from skiing.

For a split second, I thought it was a real goat in the bedroom. Missed opportunity, Subban.

Subban and Vonn started dating over the summer. They met at the ESPY’s and PK made it obvious to Vonn’s sister that he had a crush on her. She was in a relationship at the time, but it’s safe to say for these two, it was worth the wait.

Not only are Vonn and Subban a power couple in the sporting world, but they’re also coming after John Legend and Chrissy Teigan on their social media throne as well. Tweeting about each other (check), making fun of each other (check), casually flirting over social media (check). Look out, John and Chrissy.

Anaheim Ducks

Hey! The Ducks finally won a game! Goaltender Kevin Boyle might be the answer to the Mighty Ducks’ woes because he currently has the best goaltending numbers in the NHL. Get ready, because this is incredible: Boyle has a 0.00 goals against average and a 1.00 save percentage

through his first game

. If he can sustain these numbers, the Ducks will be unbeatable!

https://twitter.com/AnaheimDucks/status/1095931308864266242

The Mighty Ducks won this game on Mighty Ducks movie trivia night. Maybe every night should be Mighty Ducks movie trivia night from here on out. It’s not a superstition if it works! I feel inclined to point this out every time we talk about a Western Conference team: “Team X” is still in the playoff picture!

The Rivalry Series is heating up

It’s important to spice things up on Valentine’s day. Nothing adds spice to a relationship like watching others go at it with the perfect mix of silky smooth moves and a dash of rough stuff. Still with me? Obviously, I’m talking about the Rivalry Series between Team Canada and Team USA. The two face off for game 3 of their three-game series on Sunday. Here’s a little primer for the game:

https://twitter.com/danharbridge/status/1095489579799343104

The first game was a nail-biting 1-0 victory for the Americans. The Canadians evened the series up last night in Toronto, winning by a score of 4-3 in another tight match up. The final game on the series takes place on Sunday afternoon – for all the marbles.

https://twitter.com/TSNHockey/status/1096022368940642305

Official predictions are that the Americans will win this game by a score of 7-0. If you know this column and the curse that is associated with it, you’ll know why I wrote that. And this: Happy Weekend to all the players on the American team! I hope you have a great game on Sunday.

No, but really though, have fun, have a great day. I’m 100% positive you will score more goals than the Canadians and that all of what I am writing is not a reverse curse towards your team. All the best.

Mark Borowieki

Speaking of people I usually dislike, Mark Borowieki is back in our good graces for a few days after releasing this heartwarming statement about Ottawa’s Pride Festival that he plans on attending with his wife Tara and his teammate Anders Nilsson. Props to Mark for this move:

He’s proving most of our perceptions about him wrong by doing great things like this. He’s still a terrible hockey player, but at least we know he isn’t a dirtbag off the ice as well. Bonus points for the self-deprecating humor, Mark. Despite what people think, I also have a working brain and can acknowledge when one of my least favorite players is being funny and/or doing something important.

Bonus: Gritty Coverage

No comment.

Until next week, keep your head up. Oh, and go buy your significant other some nice shoes or something.

Happy

Valentine’s Day

Feb. 15 everyone!