Mark Schlereth: Patrick Mahomes is a unicorn that poops rainbow sherbet
By John Buhler
Patrick Mahomes is a unicorn in Mark Schlereth’s eyes, a quarterbacking unicorn that poops rainbow sherbet and makes other young quarterbacks look bad.
The three-time Super Bowl champion offensive guard with the Washington Redskins and the Denver Broncos Mark Schlereth is always hungry and always ready. Schlereth is a sports radio co-host on Denver’s Sports Radio 104.3 The Fan, calls NFL games for FOX, appears on FS1 as a pro football analyst and has played himself on episodes of HBO’s Ballers.
Schlereth took some time on Wednesday morning to speak with FanSided‘s Mark Carman about all things NFL and all the important things you’ll need to take your tailgate experience to the next level with his Tailgate Party Tips. Schlereth spoke with FanSided on behalf of Gardein, Hidden Valley Ranch, Bush’s Beans and LG.
When asked if the New England Patriots have the best defense in football, Schlereth would say, “right now, they’re playing as good as anybody. The crazy thing about the Patriots is they just out-execute people.”
And it’s not just the scheme that sets New England apart, they have great players. Many of the stars of the Patriots defense aren’t household names outside of cornerback Stephon Gilmore, but that doesn’t stop them from being better than every other team’s best.
“They have excellent players, but what I think sets them apart is that they have the best coach and they execute better than anybody else,” said Schlereth. “They just don’t make mistakes. And what they end up doing, they end up forcing you into more mistakes than they’re ever going to make. To be that tied together, and to be able to communicate like that, is what sets them apart, both offensively and defensively. It’s why they’re the best, year in and year out.”
When asked who is the bigger reason behind the Patriots’ success, whether that be quarterback Tom Brady or head coach Bill Belichick, Schlereth would offer this:
“The thing that amazes me about both of these individuals is that they’re not stated by their success. 18 years, it’s their 19th season together, I believe. 18 years, nine times they’ve been to the Super Bowl, winning six of them. It’s unheard of. To not be stated by your success, which is kind of human nature, is phenomenal to me.”
Schlereth in his conversation with Carman would go on to add this about Brady, “I’ll tell you this, Brady is amazing that in year 19, he’s still allowed his coach to coach him as hard as anybody on that team. And if you can coach Brady, if you can yell at Brady in team meetings…well, then there’s nobody that’s above that type of coaching.”
Brady allowed Belichick to coach him that hard has brought unparalleled success to the Patriots franchise that didn’t have all that much before 2001. With Schlereth’s praise of Brady, that would set up nicely for another question down the line from Carman: Is the Kansas City Chiefs’ Patrick Mahomes the one quarterback you’d want to see out there if you need to win one game?
“Pat Mahomes is ruining quarterbacking for every young quarterback in the NFL because he becomes the guy you compare him to,” said Schlereth. “He’s a unicorn. He’s just a freak show. When he poops, he poops out rainbow sherbet. For crying out loud, he’s a straight-up unicorn.”
For this come from a former two-time Super Bowl champion of the Broncos, this has to have Chiefs Kingdom feeling all sorts of excited about their third-year quarterback. In short, Mahomes sets the bar ridiculously high for other first-round quarterbacks like Baker Mayfield of the Cleveland Browns and Mitchell Trubisky of the Chicago Bears that they can’t realistically usurp.
When asked if he’s buying or selling Mayfield stock, Schlereth said he’s still in on Mayfield, but out on the Browns.
“See again, young quarterback,” said Schlereth. “Right now, I’m a bit of a buyer. I think it’s the Cleveland Browns in general. Like, you can fortify your team with a boatload of talent, and talent’s wonderful, that’s awesome. But character and sacrificing for one another and the team concept, that’s what wins football games in my imagination. That’s what wins championships.”
Schlereth would go on to reveal an amazing quote from his head coach in Washington in Joe Gibbs: “Talent will make plays in the first three quarters, character will win you a game in the fourth quarter.” That about sums up Schlereth’s feelings about the Browns. He believes all Cleveland parties bought too much into the hype and that’s why he’s selling on the Browns in general.
“Pat Mahomes is ruining quarterbacking for every young quarterback in the NFL because he becomes the guy you compare him to. He’s a unicorn. He’s just a freak show. When he poops, he poops out rainbow sherbet. For crying out loud, he’s a straight-up unicorn.”
As for if Schlereth is still in on Trubisky in Chicago, he thinks it wouldn’t be wise to sell off stock in the young Bears signal-caller, “Mitch Trubisky is an exceptional athlete. Remember, I think he only started 13 games in his college career. There’s a lot of growth that he still has to go through, a lot of understanding at the line of scrimmage. Playing in the NFL is complex.”
Schlereth would go on to add that he likes the way that Bears head coach Matt Nagy is bringing Trubisky along in the second year of the offense. Chicago has a great defense, so the Bears can lean on that, but needs to do a better job of running the ball for Trubisky to really achieve great success.
“So that’s part of taking the pressure off a young quarterback and I think they know that in Chicago,” said Schlereth. “I don’t think there’s any question about that. So I wouldn’t sell Mitch Trubisky.”
Besides the Browns as an organization, the one thing that Schlereth is really shorting is the Redskins’ chances at finding the right head coach to replace Jay Gruden, who Washington fired on Monday and promoted offensive line coach Bill Callahan in the interim.
“In 2013, they had Sean McVay, who is 3-2 in the league right now,” said Schlereth. “He played in the Super Bowl last year. Or they could have had Kyle Shanahan, who is 4-0 right now for the San Francisco 49ers. He was on that 2013 staff, but that wasn’t good enough. They could have had Matt LaFleur, he’s 4-1 right now for the Green Bay Packers. He was on that staff, but that wasn’t good enough either.”
“The truth is, they get what they deserve under that owner. That owner is the one constant with that franchise and they have been abysmal since he took over that franchise. And so I don’t care who you appoint as the head coach, he’ll never empower that head coach, they’ll never be successful under his ownership as long as that’s still the philosophical approach to the organization.”
So to wrap this all up, Schlereth largely views Brady as the GOAT, Mahomes as a unicorn who poops rainbow sherbet, Mayfield and Trubisky as quarterbacks to not give up on, but please don’t buy anything the Browns or Redskins’ front offices are selling. You simply cannot trust inherent dysfunction. But what you can trust is Schlereth to give you the best tailgating tips possible.
“I’ve got some great tips for you. Start with Gardein, they’ve got great plant-based alternatives to meat. Sure to be a big hit on any tailgate party. Chicken, beef, pork, fish, they’ve got you covered. All truly delicious. You’re gonna love it. It doesn’t matter if it’s your veggie friends, or your regular friends or your vegan friends. They’ve got crispy chicken tenders, spicy chicken wings, Nashville hot chicken tenders. Perfect for everyone. You can go to Gardein.com for more information.
“Everybody loves snacks. Snacks are just better with dip. That’s science, everybody knows it. Hidden Valley Ranch is the No. 1 ranch mix used in restaurants across America. You can have that same restaurant-style quality ranch. So easy to make at home with Hidden Valley Ranch signature buttermilk recipe. Hidden Valley wants to help you find your favorite restaurant ranch. Go to HiddenValley.com/Restaurant-Ranch to vote for your favorite restaurant ranch for your chance to win $5,000 and a year’s supply of ranch.
“And no party is complete without chili. And when it comes to chili, it’s all about the beans. Bush’s, they’ve been around for a hundred years. They’ve got the baked beans, but the chili beans are slow-simmered, full of flavor, perfect for spicing up your party. Great recipes on their website like the three-bean chili, the light chicken chili and the pumpkin chili. Bushbeans.com, make your best chili better with Bush’s.”
“The truth is, they get what they deserve under that owner…So I don’t care who you appoint as the head coach, he’ll never empower that head coach, they’ll never be successful under his ownership as long as that’s still the philosophical approach to the organization.”
“And then lastly, got to have a great TV. The GOAT of all TV’s. LG OLED. Expert stuff. It’s the No. 1 TV of 2019. The LG OLED, Over a billion rich colors. Beautiful, just stunning picture quality. They’ve got the Google Assistant and Amazon Alexa. LG.com.”
Schlereth will be calling one of the late window games on FOX this Sunday, as he and Dick Stockton will be at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum to see the undefeated San Francisco 49ers (4-0) take on the division-rival Los Angeles Rams (3-2). Kickoff is a 4:05 p.m. ET on Sunday, Oct. 13. See that game on FOX.
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Schlereth spoke with FanSided on behalf of Gardein, Hidden Valley Ranch, Bush’s Beans and LG.