New Jersey should be forced to claim Jets and Giants

It’s gone on far too long. New Jersey needs to step up and take ownership of the sad New York Jets and New York Giants. They’re Jersey’s kids.

Taking responsibility is something all adults have to do. It sucks.

So one would think that the third state allowed to be in America would have no problem showing up and taking on some fatherly responsibilities. At going on 282 years worth of allegedly happy statehood, New Jersey needs to step up and claim its NFL children in the New York Jets and the New York Giants.

No, it doesn’t matter that the teams are atrocious. A combined 3-13 is shameful, but you’ve gotta be accountable.

For far too long, New Jersey has gotten away with only child support, giving them a playroom to play mostly terrible football inside of a forsaken swampland. This swamp is so delightful that Jersey’s former NBA kid decided to run away to Brooklyn with some eccentric Russian billionaire in 2012.

Now, it hangs out with a flat-earth truther and a burner account victim.

New Jersey does claim an NHL team, mostly because New York has two and it’s jealous. Plus, it’s got a cool name and has great fans like Matt Verderame and David Puddy, this isn’t the first time it hasn’t claimed a bad football child before. There’s one kid in Piscataway who’s spending more time in school than Buster Bluth or Tommy Callahan. No, it’s not going well.

We get it. We all make mistakes, but there are some mistakes we can’t undo. New Jersey has a lot going for it like Bruce Springsteen, Princeton and The Sopranos.

Still, it’s been mostly miss than hit with New Jersey. Nobody was laughing with the state while watching MTV’s Jersey Shore.  We were laughing at you. But the truth is, we got a situation here that not even Mike Sorrentino, Pauly D, JWoww or Snooki can fix: You’ve got two football teams with two young first-round quarterbacks living in the same house with each other.

They’ll be forced to play together on Sunday with mother New York watching from a distance, cheering on Danny and Sammy from Manhattan. She doesn’t want to get too close. It’s too painful. And, quietly, she doesn’t want anybody knowing she is related to either of these teams. Unfortunately for her, they still have her name.

But this is Jersey’s family. Remember when L.T. used to dominate, party all night and break dudes’ legs? Yeah, that was cool. Remember when Joe Namath was at poolside in Miami and guaranteed a Super Bowl III victory mid-cocktail? Jersey was never more proud than in 1969. Those were the days.

New Jersey and New York may hate each other, but do it for the kids this time. Do it for Sammy and Danny. One got sick and saw ghosts, the other got scared by a feral cat and couldn’t stop fumbling the football. They’re still little, so there’s hope. New Jersey can be a great dad this time like it was for Phil, Bill, Bill and very briefly Vinny.

Even though Eli won two trophies, guess what? Daddy wasn’t there. And nobody blames New Jersey for not exactly rushing to ownership after The Butt Fumble. Now? It’s time. The kids are young and the stadium is relatively new.

Years ago, one could say Jersey laid claim to the Giants and Jets. The “NY” initials left the helmets and a massive red logo at midfield read “NEW JERSEY MEADOWLANDS” with the state of New Jersey smack dab in the middle. That’s long gone. New Jersey has gone into hiding.

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Wake up, New Jersey. Get out of bed, drink some black coffee, take a cold shower, put some ice cubes in the sink and shave your damn face. Go take ownership in MetLife Sunday. Be a responsible parent.