Every NHL team’s New Year’s resolution for 2020

What if every NHL team were to set a New Year’s resolution for 2020? Here’s our best guess as to what they might be.

The year 2020 is upon us and we’re in the midst of another action-packed year in the NHL. Just past the half way mark of the season, there’s still a lot that each NHL team can improve on. To help them do so, why not put these goals in writing?

With the new year comes New Year’s resolutions, the one thing you could have likely done last year, but were too lazy, uninterested or unqualified to finish. Like all of us, NHL teams are no different. In order to motivate themselves, we asked each team to disclose their resolutions (okay, I made them up).

Here’s one solid New Year’s resolution for each NHL team to consider in 2020.

Anaheim Ducks: To be this season’s St. Louis Blues. More realistically, to do that thing they do where they go on a little mid-season run and have us all believing they could be this season’s St. Louis Blues.

Arizona Coyotes: Sign. Taylor.

Boston Bruins: The same resolution they’ve had for the last three seasons: acquire a skilled right-winger to play beside David Krejci. The Bruins could add a second resolution to not be the NHL’s worst overtime team as well.

Buffalo Sabres: To NOT tank the second half of the great season they are having. Oh, wait … it’s too late. The Sabres looked good early but they are 3-6-1 in their last 10 games. It sucks when you fail your new year’s resolution before the year starts but hey, at least they’re relatable.

Calgary Flames: Deeply reflect on what the hell went wrong. Wallow in self-pity. Wonder why things are the way they are. Play Milan Lucic more.

Carolina Hurricanes: Invite more puppies into the locker room. Check.

https://twitter.com/Canes/status/1212838277725769733

Chicago Blackhawks: Fool everyone into thinking they could make a playoff run (is it wrong to have the same resolution two years in a row?).

Colorado Avalanche: Appreciate Nate MacKinnon more. More than that. Even more. Are you appreciating as hard as you can? Yeah, that much.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Find a new way to be relevant now that they suck again. Columbus is on a bit of a hot streak, though. Who knows, maybe they can play themselves to a first round exit like the good old days.

Dallas Stars: Play hard for beloved fan-favorite (and soon to be suspended) Corey Perry, who sadly didn’t get to play in the NHL’s Winter Classic game after trying to decapitate an unknowing Ryan Ellis.

Detroit Red Wings: “We don’t believe in resolutions.” Says the one who has absolutely nothing to look forward to and no motivation to be better.

Edmonton Oilers: Find a third good player to play for them.

Florida Panthers: To keep pace. It looks like the fun is over in Florida and the Tampa Bay Lightning have woken up from their brutal first round hangover. It’s once again the Bruins, Leafs and Lightning atop the division, so Florida is going to have to work hard to get big-ticket Bobrovsky to a playoff series (where he’ll likely look like an AHL call-up).

Los Angeles Kings: They’d like to bury the hatchet with old foes.

https://twitter.com/chaser321/status/1212901899071938560

https://twitter.com/CanucksElite/status/1211942201611022336

Minnesota Wild: Play a Winter Classic game in a place that actually experiences winter. Wait… 

Montreal Canadiens: To get back to where they were at the start of the season? Maybe their recent Ilya Kovalchuk signing can get them back in the mix. Yeah right. Looks like the luck has run out for this team.

Nashville Predators: For the team to get back into their usual dominant playoff-bound form. Yeah right. Looks like the luck has run out for this team (seriously, though, why are you bad?).

New Jersey Devils: To find a trade partner willing to give up a boatload of assets for P.K. Subban.

New York Islanders: Continue to quietly dominate. Sure they haven’t been as good in December as they were in November, but they also didn’t lose much at all in November. The goal for this team is to get in healthy and make a run … and to continue to showcase that spaceship of a man, Mat Barzal.

New York Rangers: Trust the process. The Rangers didn’t spend all that money in the offseason to end up a middling team, right? Right? RIGHT?

Ottawa Senators: Find a new owner. Build a new arena. Have Mark Borowiecki continue to fight crime and keep Ottawa safe.

Philadelphia Flyers: Is it possible for a resolution to be for better luck? The Flyers have been through a lot in the past month, it would be great if they could stay injury free for a while. Oh, and to appreciate Carter Hart more, or the same amount. Either way, we all appreciate how good Carter Hart is/will be.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Please, please, Hockey Gods, we beg of you. Please grant them a little bit of injury luck in 2020.

San Jose Sharks: To be the only NHL team with two players who have played in the league for four decades. Mission accomplished!

Seattle KRAKEN: Officially announce KRAKEN as official team name (both official spelling and announcement in all-caps).

St Louis Blues: Find a new goal song to make wildly popular and then win another Stanley Cup (personally, I hoping for the exact opposite of last season to happen to them).

Tampa Bay Lightning: Make the second round of the playoffs.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Make the second round of the playoffs.

Vancouver Canucks: To keep winning. The Vancouver Canucks have not lost a single game this decade!

Vegas Golden Knights: More Marc-André Fleury, in any and every capacity.

Washington Capitals: What do you wish for when everything is already going your way? Perhaps about 26 more goals for a future NHL all-time scoring leader.

Winnipeg Jets: To stay nice and quiet, sitting juuuust under the radar, sneaking into a dark horse playoff run. Also, for a certain monstrous defender to return…

Good luck to all the NHL teams on a successful 2020.