5 college football mascots that are pure nightmare fuel

1. Nightmare fuel college football mascots: The Nittany Lion, Penn State

I do not care what you say, but whatever the hell Penn State trots out there on fall Saturdays is not an animal. It is the furry version of Leatherface. When you take one look at The Nittany Lion (again, why does this godforsaken creature not have a name?), you begin to think evil will prevail over all that is good and holy in this world. This is a teddy bear on copious amounts of acid.

The best way I can describe this bipedal beast is if Dr. Jonathan Crane from Batman took some of his own medicine and went to a Build-A-Bear Workshop. The results are a pagan god worshipped by a brainwashed cult. Nick or Brittany the Nittany Lion would never be this raw or grotesque. If this “thing” was a dog, you wouldn’t want to pet it because it’s not a good boy, it’s from hell.

For those in the Penn State student body who have to wear this garb, a.) Does their skin fall off? and b.) Are they sacrificed afterwards? Let’s hope their tuition is free. Even if a child is the most happy-go-lucky, impressionable five-year-old on the face of this earth, one look at the Nittany Lion and it is the end of the age of that child’s innocence. That poor kid has to grow up fast.

As with Clemson’s The Tiger, going with a creature that is unnamed is a bold choice. It is not housebroken and it is your choice to worship this feral, narcissistic animal. They’re just cats! You can domesticate them, to a degree, just like Joe Exotic. If this thing continues to claim to be some variation of a mountain lion, I don’t want that vicious beast anywhere near my future children.

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