Zack Greinke can’t drive 55, but he can throw 54 (Video)
By John Buhler
Zack Greinke didn’t have the need for speed with this slow-handed offering.
Zack Greinke embraced his inner half-shelled turtle power with this lazy Sunday pitch.
We shouldn’t like anything about the Houston Astros. They banged on trash cans and won a World Series. Yet for a brief few seconds there, we enjoyed what he did on the mound today. As a former Cy Young winner, Greinke knows the Slam Diego Padres can’t drive 55 MPH offerings out of the ballpark, so he gave them something that everyone at Studio 54 will freak out over. EEPHUS!!!
https://twitter.com/MLB/status/1297644305167855618
Zack Greinke likes turtles, Van Hagar, eephus pitches and banging on trash cans.
With the velocity of a Teenage Dirtbag baby, he was closer to hitting the nicest number on the radar gun than he was the number of the beast with his Wheatus eephus. It would have been too much of a conspiracy theory if he would have discovered Area 51 with this pitch. Joe Dimaggio hit safely in more consecutive games than Greinke had miles per hour on this eephus to the Padres.
That pitch was lathered up in some 57 sauce with the stank on it of a Phil Niekro knuckle or a Satchel Paige eephus. That ball was closer to traveling the speed of smell than the speed of sound. In a day an age where most starting pitchers try to hit three figures on the radar gun, Greinke is cool with hanging half a hundred like the head ball coach used to do in the SEC.
Next. Kevin Brown roasts Red Sox broadcasters. dark
You know you are in the presence of extreme coolness when your literally being managed by the man who invented the high five and watch Hammerin’ Hank go 715 all over Al Downing from the on-deck circle back in April 1974. You know what was about to be cool in April 1974? Studio 54. Ten years later, Van Halen went to an even more awesome level when they became Van Hagar.
Greinke may have the need for speed on the asphalt, but on the mound, he can’t throw 55!