Super Bowl 55 drinking game for Chiefs vs. Buccaneers

The Kansas City Chiefs and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will combine their powers to give you, the consumer of alcohol, the greatest Super Bowl 55 drinking game the world has ever seen.

Whether you like Patrick Mahomes’ Kansas City Chiefs, Tom Brady’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers, are completely indifferent about the game or hate both teams with the fiery passion of 1,000 Gloria Estefan songs, we have a Super Bowl 55 drinking game for you!

Nobody cares if you have any friends over or have not worn anything but coffee/wine-stained sweatpants for the better part of a year. You may be drinking alone tonight, but there are thousands, possibly millions of people just like you trying to get through this game. So if you are a bad employee, feel free to call in sick tomorrow. It is not like you are productive most days anyway.

Super Bowl 55 drinking game rules

Group 1: Take a sip

• Whenever Tony Romo predicts something because he is Football Nostradamus.
• There will be enough GOAT conversations throughout the telecast, so drink to the overused acronym.
• Anytime you miss J-Lo and Shakira from last Super Bowl halftime performance. Those ladies kicked butt!
• Every time there is mention on the telecast of the Chiefs repeating. It’s going to be a LONG night for everyone, so this will get you through that.
• Whenever someone says the Buccaneers are playing in their home stadium, drink because that is the only way you are going to get through it. We know, we get it.
• If Jim Nantz says, “hello friends”, say “hello, Jim” back to the television screen and take a sip to the voice of The Masters.
• Any reference to the Tom Brady/Bill Belichick New England Patriots deserves a sip.
• Take a sip for however many seconds we were off on the over/under on the playing of the national anthem.
• I’m not saying you need to take 10 sips every time the telecast mentions this is Tom Brady’s 10th Super Bowl appearance, but you sure can, champ.
• Take a sip any time you miss the Buccaneers’ creamsicle jerseys. Those things were great!
• Aaron Rodgers or Patrick Mahomes State Farm commercials deserve a sip because you are getting the Rodgers Rate or the Patrick Price, as long as you are a State Farm customer.

Group 2: Finish your drink

• Something hilarious gets picked up on a hot mic. Who doesn’t love that? Earmuffs, kids.
• If you see Jason Kelce there cheering on his younger brother Travis Kelce. Finish your drink and reflect fondly on his epic Super Bowl 52 parade speech in all-out Mummers Parade regalia. What a magnificent creature he is!
• If there is mention of Tampa being a city of champions because the Lightning won the Stanley Cup, the Rays won the American League and the Buccaneers won the NFC, before explaining to your friends that Tampa Bay is not actually a city, finish your drink first.
• Assuming there is a Baker Mayfield commercial (Hulu, Progressive, etc.), imitate the Cleveland Browns quarterback that one time he was at an Indians game and finish your dang beverage.
• Whenever Tony Romo goes to his patented, “oh, I don’t know, Jim” you finish your drink to that uncertainty.
• If The Weeknd puts you in the worst mood because his P1 is still cleaner than your church shoes, finish your drink to that because that is all you can really do at this point.
• Because they are the Buccaneers and have a tortured history of this, if Ryan Succop misses a field goal, finish your drink for him, especially if he is ’bout that Doink Life.
• Regardless of if you like the latest Doritos commercial or not, finish your drink and reflect on the most redundant Super Bowl commercial brand of all time.
• Oh, it will happen because Andy Reid is Andy Reid. Another debacle of a lesson plan from the Andy Reid School of Clock Management requires your beverage to disappear stat. Time is of the essence, except for Andy Reid, who may or may not tell time by a sundial from time to time.
• If it comes up, which it will, finish your drink to the Chiefs being able to retain offensive coordinator Eric Bieniemy, who apparently does not interview well and will never be an NFL head coach for all we know.
• Any team going for it on fourth down means you have to finish your drink.

Group 3: Chug your drink

• If either Andy Reid or Bruce Arians have COVID facemask issues, as in these heavy-breathing men are fogging up their faceshields like a steamy bag of Krystals, end the drink like you want to end COVID. Man alive, man alive.
• If you cannot feel your face when The Weeknd is performing, that’s not a good thing. You may have to go to the hospital, but before you do that, chug your drink to make the car ride moderately more enjoyable.
• Should any kicker be tonight’s Cody Parkey and be ’bout that Doink Life, drink to that!
• Chug when there is a Gisele Bundchen sighting because she’s married to The GOAT. Chug when there is a Brittany Matthews sighting because you cannot forget about her latest annoying TikTok video fast enough.
• If we have another episode of Florida Man, chug your drink and then predict what the St. Pete Times’ headline will be on the post in tomorrow’s paper: Florida Man BLANK…
• Any mention of avocado ice cream, avoidance of nightshades or sleeping in kale pajamas requires you to counterbalance their existence in the universe with some good, old-fashioned alcoholic beverage chugging.
• The only way you are going to get through another shameless “Two Broke Girls” promo is by chugging. Why are they still broke? It’s been a decade!
• If Tom Brady looks like a washed old man playing quarterback, as it is way past the blue-plater’s bed time, chug your drink for the 40-something playing like a 70-something.
• If they bring up Bruce Arians and Todd Bowles being Temple Tough, you be Temple Tough too and chug your drink.
• Should a person in the crowd be wearing a Tampa Bay Rays jersey (in the wild!), you need to chug to celebrate such a monumental discovery. They do exist!
• You know a Masters plug is coming, so chug your drink and get ready for Augusta National.

Group 4: Take a shot

• If there is a Dick Vitale sighting, baby, go take a shot, baby. Don’t be a diaper dandy, baby.
• Should there be a Woj bomb because some disgruntled NBA superstar gets traded, take a shot. The same principle applies to a star quarterback. The internet will explode if either happens tonight. Twitter does not have the collective bandwidth to handle this in conjunction with the Super Bowl.
• If there is going to be a booth review, there is ample time for you to go have yourself a shot.
• Because Raymond James Stadium has a freaking cannon inside the facility, take a shot whenever one is fired off to your liking or displeasure. Who cares? Fire the cannon!
• Should Randi Mahomes clap back at the CBS telecast like she did to the Monday Night Football crew, you better believe you are taking a shot to celebrate the momentous Twitter occasion.
• If at any point the score reads 28-3, oh, it’s happening again…
• When “The Honey Badger” Tyrann Mathieu does Honey Badger DGAF things, take a shot.
• Any graphic featuring Andy Reid’s coaching tree deserves a shot. It is beautiful, just like the Kool-Aid Man himself. Oh, yeah!
• You have to celebrate any special teams trick play, regardless of outcome, with a shot.
• A forced “Young Sheldon” promo means you need to force a shot down your throat.
• Should somebody in the crowd be rocking facemask sunburn/tan lines, you know, because it’s Florida, take a shot because you know darn well that person sure did the night before.

Group 5: Let’s get weird!

• Whenever that GEICO “Scoop There It Is” commercial featuring Tag Team comes on, get out of your chair and recreate the scene. If the Buccaneers are winning, you are Tag Team (chocolate, chocolate). If the Chiefs are winning, you break out those sweet ’90s dance moves like Mom and Dad. If the game is tied, do whatever one you feel is more fun.
• If Patrick Mahomes scores a rushing touchdown, you must take a shot of ketchup. If you are a Buccaneers fan, I am so sorry to put you through this. If you are a Chiefs fan, I am not sorry to put you through this, as this is the price you have to pay to have a quarterbacking superstar. After 50 years of mostly quarterbacking dreck, you enjoy that chilled colloid shot.
• When The Weeknd plays the only song by him that matters, raise your beverage to the heavens and sing along with him every time he says he’s “a m***********g starboy!” In that moment of COVID-19 unity, you are a starperson. If people look at you strangely beneath their facemask, kick that judgmental person out of your dwelling, superstar.
• If they happen to show a vintage clip of giant 12-year-old Andy Reid crushing the competition at Punt, Pass Kick, you have three options: You either punt, pass or kick your beverage. You have plenty of time to clean up your dwelling because we are still in the midst of a global pandemic. You are not going anywhere, but Andy Reid’s pass sure did!
• If there is a lightning or thunder delay, you know, because this is Florida, you have no choice but to play “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC and recreate a top-tier drinking game from college. You drink every time Brian Johnson or the Young Brothers shout out THUNDER! Do not bring in a chainsaw for comedic effect. We have been through enough already, you Leatherface.
• Should Patrick Mahomes complete a no-look pass to a Chiefs receiver, back or tight end, it is your duty to complete a no-look pass before Mahomes’ next completion. The only way to do this is to yell, “Think fast!” before tossing something in the direction of a dear friend or a new acquaintance. If you are drinking alone, you have found yourself in quite the predicament.
• If an animal interferes with the game (bird, cat, dog, alligator, whatever) you know, because it is Florida, you need to mimic said animal until the next commercial break. Should there be a cat on the field, you need to find the Kevin Harlan clip on YouTube from the last time this happened in preparation for Part Deux. He is calling the game on Westwood One, y’all.
• If it comes up on who is faster between Tyreek Hill and Scotty “Too Hotty” Miller, you need to challenge someone to a sprint of sorts in your dwelling. Again, if you are drinking alone, this is going to be an issue. You may have to do a chugging contest with yourself. That never ends poorly, now does it?
• If Andy Reid looks like he really wants a cheeseburger, help your boy Big Red out and eat yourself a dang cheeseburger while listening to “Cheeseburger in Paradise” by Jimmy Buffett. If Bruce Arians looks like he really wants a cocktail, then go make yourself a cocktail for B.A. while playing “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere” by Alan Jackson. I mean, he is right!
• If Rob Gronkowski spikes the football after hitting pay dirt, you know, because he’s Gronk and that is what he does, finish your beverage and spike your drinking receptacle to the ground because you indeed are a Floridian party animal, you dawg!
• If Buccaneers defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul intercepts a pass, given the fact he is missing a ton of fingers, you need someone to make a one-handed grab before Tom Brady takes over on offense. JPP has come down with an errant pass before, and it will be a fireworks show when he does it again. It is your duty as an American to salute his undeniable greatness.

And there you have it! 55 absolutely ridiculous drinking game rules for Super Bowl 55. We have made it through 256 regular-season games and 12 playoff games already. This 2020 NFL season was played through a global pandemic, so you have every reason to get a little extra saucy watching this Florida Man Super Bowl. Tomorrow should be a national holiday, Joe. Just saying.

Here is to feeling good all the time and your hangover being almost slightly worth it tomorrow!