Red Sox finally won an AL East series in most typical way imaginable

The Boston Red Sox finally won an AL East series on the saddest of baseball technicalities.

On any given Thursday, the Boston Red Sox can actually win a series over a bitter division rival.

The guys on this year’s team have more quit in their hearts than Bobby Hill. If you need evidence of that, just watch Jarren Duran quit on a fly ball that turned into an inside-the-park home run for the Toronto Blue Jays because the man refused to be hungry like the wolf. Chaim Bloom felt like destroying something more beautiful than Jared Leto’s face. Robert Paulsen has since died in vain.

Thankfully, the Red Sox can throw a pizza party after winning a series over a bitter AL East rival!

It may have only been a one-off over Buster Olney’s favorite team, but a victory is a victory, bruh.

Boston Red Sox get the saddest series victory of all time over Baltimore Orioles

Although the Baltimore Orioles are way better than Olney could have ever imagined, who saw the Red Sox becoming a festering dumpster fire in the dog days of summer? New Englanders may have been preoccupied with the Boston Celtics and Boston Bruins’ postseason runs, but the Red Sox are cooked. The worst part in all this is the New England Patriots are sadly about to be as well.

Boston now takes its proud 1-10-1 series record vs. the AL East into a three-gamer vs. the New York Yankees. Surely, that is going to go over just splendidly for the cellar dwellers in the division. With every bad move Bloom makes, you can see the eyes rolling into the back of skipper Alex Cora’s head. The only sound to distract you is Chris Sale shoving a stick into the spoke of his bike.

For a team that has won four World Series this century, why are the Red Sox doing their best to impersonate Auburn football? As Forrest Gump once said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.” Whether is it Red Sox baseball all summer long or Auburn on fall Saturdays, we should throw up our hands in the air because who even knows, honestly?

Watch Boston win every single series over the AL East next season because they are the Red Sox!