General Booty’s Soldiers: The best names in college football for 2022

Best names in college football 2022: Defensive Linemen, Linebackers

DL: Fish McWilliams, UAB Blazers

According to my extremly data-driven approach to this list, if you’re name is Fish, then you’re going to make this list and not have a second thought given to it. Our second straight representative from the Blazers. With 6.5 sacks over the past three seasons, he should be a factor on defense for a sneaky good UAB team in 2022.

DL: Hot Rod Fitten, South Carolina Gamecocks

A redshirt junior in Columbia, Fitten saw playing time in just three games in the 2021 season but could see an uptick in snaps with some of the changes on the defense for South Carolina. And if that doesn’t play out, it wouldn’t take much for him to market himself in WWE as an 80s wrestler sent forward in time to take over pro wrestling in another era.

DL: Octavius Oxendine, Kentucky Wildcats

Some alliteration is better than others and Octavius Oxendine certainly proves that point. While it’s a gorgeous specimen of a name, Oxendine could be a key player for Mark Stoops’ defense after missing half of last season due to injury but flashing quite well early in the year before he went down.

DL: Demon Clowney, Ole Miss Rebels

Demon Clowney isn’t the next film from your favorite horror director, but he is a former 4-star recruit who could be coming into a much larger role for the 2022 season at Ole Miss. He was a reserve who popped a couple of times for the Rebels a year ago and has the physical tools to be a breakout player.

LB: Bumper Pool, Arkansas Razorbacks

You could make the argument that no player on the 2022 All-Name Team has been more productive to this point than Bumper Pool. He’s not just the namesake of a state fair ride (I’m assuming), but he’s tallied over 300 total tackles in the past three seasons for the Hog. Absolute legend, this lad.

LB: Power Echols, North Carolina Tar Heels

The young man who Russell Crowe definitely shouted out at some point during Gladiator was a reserve for the UNC defense as a freshman but was featured prominently in the Tar Heels’ 2022 opener in Week 0 against Florida A&M. The Heels need him to live up to his name to fix a leaky defensive unit from a year ago.

LB: SirVocea Dennis, Pittsburgh Panthers

Sometimes you aren’t quite sure what makes a name great, but you know it when you hear it. SirVocea Dennis has been a fantastic player for Pitt in his career and should continue to be just that, but the fact that he has such a smooth, silky first name and it’s followed up by “Dennis” will never not make me laugh like a menace.