We live in a world of excess. All the fast food options you could ever want, an unlimited array of television shows and movies to choose from, heck, you even have to think twice about what social media platform you are going to scroll through for reels that evening.
Basketball shoes are not immune to this cultural phenomenon. Between the NBA and WNBA, we have a little over 30 signature shoes, meaning there is something for everyone out there.
However, we are in the slowest part of the NBA offseason. So, our mind can't help but wonder what it would be like if we had even more options. So, here are some creative sneaker ideas that are too hilarious to pass us.
LeBron James: LeDad Shoe
LeBron James is getting ready to suit up for his 23rd NBA season. He's still producing at an absurd level, but there is no denying that he is about to be 42 years old and a father to three kids (the youngest being eleven).
James has far surpassed "unc status." He's just a straight up dad. The whole point of buying a player's signature shoe is to feel like them. And at this point, what better way to look and feel like James than to be rocking some classic "LeDad" shoes.
In 2015, James signed a lifetime contract with Nike, so the dad shoe would have to come from them, but I feel like it would be so much cooler if it was made by New Balance.
Anthony Davis: The DNPs
As of right now, Anthony Davis does not have his own signature shoe. That is probably because he can never stay healthy enough to build a consistent enough following to warrant getting own shoe line (this is just for the bit, I'm not sure this is actually the case).
Davis' unavailability has become such a running gag around the league that Hall of Famer and TV personality Charles Barkley has gifted him with monikers like Anthony "Street Clothes" Davis and Anthony "Day-to-Day" Davis.
So, for his new signature shoe, why don't we just make it a prosthetic walking boot! Wouldn't that be awesome? Every injury-riddled middle schooler could wear that to school! By the way, Davis, if you're reading this and are unamused, it was my editor's idea.
Victor Wembanyama: Basketball Stilletos
Victor Wembanyama is insanely tall (7-foot-4), wirey, and of French descent. Hence, the Stiletto -- a tall, thin heel synonymous with French fashion would be the perfect shoe for a Wembanyama signature shoe. I can just see the marketing right now: "Impact the game like Wembanyama, by becoming as tall as him." Nike can thank me later, with a fat royalties check, of course.
Kyrie Irving: Groundbound 1s
Like him or not, one thing is for certain: Kyrie Irving is an eclectic dude. He lives life outside the box, and one of his most notable deviations from the status quo is his fascination with the concept of grounding (both the physical and mental practices).
I'm sure there are some serious benefits to grounding, but it would be fun to poke fun at this by creating the "Groundbound 1s." These shoes would be some barefoot slip-ons with grounding/earthing elements. You can't really play basketball in these, but they would make for one heck of an option for a quick grocery store run.
Jalen Brunson: Anklebreakers
I'm going to start this pitch by noting that this idea probabiy has the most kinks to work out. So, you know how Jalen Brunson seems to roll his ankle multiple times during a single game? What if we created a shoe that made it super easy to roll your ankle?
I know one could argue that most low cut basketball shoes do this, which is where the gaps need to be filled. How can we take it a step further? Maybe give the shoes a converse like shape? In any event, people who buy this shoe are also going to need to follow Brunson's stretching routine so that they aren't out of commission every time they roll their ankle.
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