The Best, Worst and Dumbest Moments from Week 9: Elbows don't even matter

Let’s be real with each other: it wasn’t the best NFL Sunday. Eight of 13 games were won by two scores and the close ones were some pretty stinky games … But it’s football, and in this house we appreciate all of it. 

So let’s do what we do every week. Let’s celebrate Sunday by looking at the best, worst and dumbest things we all saw and hand out a few awards. There’s no better place to start than with the penultimate international game of the season that took place in the wee hours of the morning. 

Reverse-conquistador: Joe Burrow

If you woke up early enough, you got to watch a Joe Burrow masterclass against the Falcons in Spain. He went 24-of-29 for 271 yards and three touchdowns, which is tremendous … But his first half was something special.

He was 16-of-18 for 194 yards and two touchdowns. That’s bonkers, and it was funneled almost entirely through Ja’Marr Chase. Of those 16 completions, eight went to Chase. And of those 194 yards, 142 of them were through Chase. 

That offense is doing some pretty nasty stuff right now, and it only feels right to acknowledge Burrow taking over Spain (by being awesome at football).

Drama Queen of the Week: Patrick Mahomes

Say it with me:
I.
I will stop.
I will stop thinking that.
I will stop thinking that Patrick Mahomes.
I will stop thinking that Patrick Mahomes is capable of being injured.

In 2022, Patrick Mahomes jacked up his leg in the postseason, and it looked like the Chiefs' Super Bowl chances were doomed. Then in Super Bowl LVII, Mahomes was screaming in pain as he went into the locker room at halftime after he seemingly re-tore every ligament and tendon in his ankle … He came out in the second half, looked as healthy as ever, brought the Chiefs back from a 10-point deficit, and won the game 38-35.

Last December, he gunked up his knee something fierce … he started in Week 1 this season, and it looked like there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. 

On Sunday, he got strip-sacked so hard that his arm got smooshed flat, his elbow got shoved into his ribs, and his thumb got pressed into his shoulder blade … it was a twisting/bending motion that would be worth an amputation on most people.

But we know Mahomes and his ability to quite literally bounce back. So pardon me if I saw that, and I audibly said, “Eh. He’ll be fine.”

And guess what? He came back in after halftime, played the rest of the game, and the Chiefs won. If he’s not a drama queen, then he’s Wolverine … And he sure ain't that, right?

Rookie of the Week: Arvell Reese

Arvell Reese is a scary man, and that’s just about as big of a compliment as you can give someone after playing eight games in the NFL. 

On Sunday, he had 12 total tackles (10 solo), a forced fumble, and three sacks against Joe Milton and the Eagles … Is the Eagles' pass protection plan akin to that of a bottom-tier junior varsity team from Rhode Island? Yeah … But it was still a really awesome game from the dude.

I would also like to draw attention to the violence of his forced fumble. Reese went unblocked (for some reason) and took full advantage of it … And I do mean full advantage.

That’s the kind of hit you’ll see on a career highlight reel when someone gets inducted into the Hall of Fame. 

Darnell Washington play of the Week: Harold Fannin Jr.

If you’ve been here before, you know that Darnell Washington is my favorite player to watch play football. Unfortunately, the Steelers had their bye this week. Fortunately, Harold Fannin Jr. took up the mantle in the Browns' overtime loss to the Saints.

Listen … I know that it’s not him taking on 11 defensive players like an elephant shedding off a pack of hyenas (as Washington is wont to do), but it’s still very sick. He catches the ball in space, and immediately stiff-arms a safety into the crust of the Earth … and then stiff-arms/slinks out of a tackle from a linebacker …AND THEN runs another 15 yards for what could have been a game-winning touchdown.

It was so sick, and it deserves to be commended.

Back on Track … Kinda: Texans defense

One of the most disappointing units in the NFL has been the Texans defense. We thought they were going to be a group of gut-ripping monsters led by a villainous mastermind in DeMeco Ryans. That’s a combination of brains and talent that should’ve been Super Bowl caliber … but they’ve kind of just been somewhere between fine and bad. 

Luckily, they got to play against the most disappointing, underachieving, and straight-up terrible units in the NFL: the Los Angeles Chargers offense. 

The Texans sacked Justin Herbert 8 times, forced a fumble, had an interception, and held the Chargers to three field goals going into garbage time. 

Sometimes you just need to see the ball go through the hoop, and this game might be a trampoline for the Texans to get to a new level … especially since their next three games are against the Browns, Colts, and Ravens. 

I’m not saying they’re good because that would be crazy and dumb. I’m just saying that we should keep an eye out through November. 

Overrated Personality trait: Maturity

Going into Week 9, Shedeur Sanders was asked about what he’s seen from the Saints defense after studying them. He smirked and answered, “Yeah, I seen a lot. When I smile, just know that means … something. I'm maturing, you know what I'm saying. I'm maturing. I could have gave that a decent answer, but now I'm just gonna smile when it's some questions, you know?”

So obviously, that means he’s confident, right? That means he likes what he’s seen. Is that a coverage tell? Is that a lack of talent that he can pick on? Is it just that the Saints defense is terrible and he’s seen quarterbacks who are less talented than him (in his opinion) pick them apart? 

Well … he went 19-of-31 for 297 yards and two touchdowns, and was sacked five times. The Browns scored 16 points in regulation, which was tied for the fewest points that offense has scored this year.

So, maturity is overrated.

You either have it, or you don’t: Fashion sense

The early slate of games gave us two ends of the aesthetic spectrum: the Browns and the Saints, and the Eagles and the Giants. 

On one channel, the Saints were using their “Gameday Gold” alternates against the Browns’ relatively boring away uniforms … It was a color combination that looked like puke, and it made color blindness an envious disorder/deficiency.

On another channel, the Eagles were wearing their Kelly Greens and the Giants were wearing their throwback away uniforms … Which was visual ecstasy. 

It’s not really fair that two games could have such completely different aesthetics. The biggest bummer is that the Saints/Browns game was infinitely more competitive than the Eagles/Giants … and the game went to overtime, which meant it was on TV for longer.

It was just yucky.

“Remember me?”: Myles Garrett

The Rams are a hot mess right now. They went into the season running it back with their offense, but Davante Adams is out, Matthew Stafford looks old as dirt, Puka Nacua is going to miss time (probably) with a knee, and the running game is neither explosive nor efficient … But at least they got Myles Garrett back from the IR.

The last time we saw him was in the Week 1 game in Australia, and he was a total no-show because of some kind of leg injury he was dealing with.

He came back in Week 9, and he looked like the two-time Defensive Player of the Year and NFL sack-record holder that he is. 

He had three tackles. He had three sacks. He had three TFLs. He had three quarterback hits. He had one forced fumble … and it was awesome to watch. 

The Rams escaped with a 20-13 win against the Commanders on Sunday, and sooooo much of that is because of Myles Garrett walking right back onto the field and being a game wrecker. 

For what it’s worth, his third sack came on the Commanders’ second-to-last drive of the game. On a third-and-five from the Rams' 38-yard line, Garrett got a sack for a 12-yard loss. That forced Jayden Daniels to throw on a fourth-and-17 from the 50 (it was incomplete).

He’s awesome, and it’s fun to watch him be awesome … especially since the Rams kind of stink. It just feels right to watch Myles Garrett get sacks for a team that’s going nowhere. 

Are you okay?: Detroit Lions

I’m not trying to dog the Dolphins; they’ve been delightfully and surprisingly competent this season. That’s infinitely better than anyone ever thought they would be this year. 

However, the Lions are supposed to be an offensive juggernaut that can slaughter any defense that lines up against them … That hasn’t been the case this season, and it really wasn’t the case on Sunday afternoon. 

It really came to a head when the Lions lined up to punt from their own 30-yard line early in the second quarter … and they did a fake punt. It was successful, so it was totally fine … but it’s kind of the premise of it all. 

The only other team to go for it on fourth down from their own territory was the Jets in Week 7, and the Jets were down 28-17 with 4:10 left in the fourth quarter … so it was a pretty different situation. 

The vibes around the Lions, and especially their offense, are a little bit off right now. This is their third straight game where they’ve scored fewer than three touchdowns, and nothing really says desperation like asking your punter to convert on a fourth-and-seven.

Bonus award: retaliation

The Dolphins converted their own fake punt, which was awesome. Bradley Pinion turned a punt on a fourth-and-three into a 46-yard gain … which was 30 percent of the Dolphins' passing yards. 

Icarus: Caleb Williams

Caleb Williams absolutely torched the Seahawks on Monday Night Football in Week 8; he took over the game, and it really looked like he was becoming the guy in the NFC. 

He kept that rolling into the first quarter of the Sunday Night Football game.

He ripped off two near-perfect drives that were a combined 14 plays for 14 points … and then the wheels fell alllllllll the way off.

Not only did the Bears’ offense never find the end zone again, but Williams also threw four interceptions (two of them were on back-to-back plays). Not all of them were his fault … but four interceptions is four interceptions. He went from being a smiling fiend on the sideline to being a shell-shocked husk. 

That’s the NFL, though. You think you’re a king, and then you get your heart ripped out over and over and over and over again in Prime Time. It’s a beautiful game. 

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