Paul Millsap is not very good at pop-a-shot
NBA players, as a rule, are generally quite good at things, and Paul Millsap is an NBA player. For example, did you know that Andre Drummond can assemble most of the IKEA catalog blindfolded? Or that Kevin Garnett can tear a six-foot tall pine tree out of the ground with his bare hands from 300 feet away? Joe Johnson once built a 2003 Ford Taurus entirely out of mutton. These people are amazing.
But these talents are, at least generally, basketball related. You put a ball in an NBA player’s hands, and something special will happen. That brings us to this video of LaMarcus Aldridge eviscerating the record on an NBA Store Pop-A-Shot machine.
.@Paulmillsap4 testing his pop-a-pop skills @NBASTORE NYC pic.twitter.com/pT0B1lrL6n
— NBA Store (@NBASTORE) June 29, 2016
Wait, um…
Oh.
Oh no.
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Okay, well, that’s okay too, I guess. No one is good at everything. I mean, I had faith Paul Millsap was good at everything, and I anchored a good 70% of my worldview on that thought. And a lot of my beliefs are starting to seem suspect. And I can kind of feel the sky falling. But really, it’s fine.
Everything is fine.
Or not. Look, I’m not saying that this should be the end of Paul Millsap’s career, and I don’t want anything specifically bad to befall him, but I really think this video needs to be taken into account during his next contract negotiations. How can you demand more than the veteran’s minimum when this kind of horror exists?
No. No, Matt. The knowledge of the existence of Paul Millsap taught you better than this. Give it some perspective. People who can shoot 72 at Augusta might be bad at minigolf. People who conduct an orchestra might not be able to play the intro to Game of Thrones on one of those big foot pianos like in the movie Big. People who sleep 16 hours a night might have trouble napping. Who knows? Maybe he’s just greasing the skids for next year’s DPOY voting:
“No one can score around me! Not even me! I’m Paul Millsap!”
That makes sense right?
Right. Good. I feel better now. But just to be safe, I’ll hitch a portion of my existential wagon to Lance Stephenson. He’s never let me down.