Chandler Parsons answers the real questions on Twitter

We’ve all been there. You’re an NBA player who’s foolish enough or unlucky enough to be awake before 3PM. You have a lot of time on your hands. Your name is a Friends character. Chandler Parsons is no exception to the human condition.

The question then becomes what to do. Parsons answered that question by inviting more questions into his life. It’s a unique strategy. Let’s see how it worked out for him.

It started off with a chance to get into Chipotle’s mentions. It’s unclear what that means for where he’ll sign his next contract.

This wasn’t the only fast food related item he covered. Next he talked about sandwiches.

Then he talked about sandwiches.

There was a lot of this kind of stuff. Let’s just get it all out of the way as quickly as possible.

Yep. That’ll do. Thanks.

From parentage to players now. Parsons was asked a difficult basketball question, and he kind of answered it.

Then everything quickly devolved into shade.

And then more shade.

Things were starting to get heated. The shade was getting very hot. Shade can be hot sometimes.

So Chandler decided to set some shade on fire himself and chuck it in the general direction of Texas.

But putting the shade aside, there was one thing still clearly eating at Chandler like one would a McDonald’s hot dog.

It got to the point where he began beseeching fictional commercialization elves to perform surgery on his legs.

And then in the downer of all downers, he did this.

Presumably this was in reference to late singer Johnny Cash’s soulful rendition of the Nine Inch Nails song “Hurt” which was probably a cryptic way of referencing the state of his own body. There’s poetry in this Twitter game. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I wonder where this journey is going to take us next.

Oh. Well, alright then. We all have things to do I suppose.