25 NBA players who can help you survive a zombie apocalypse

20. Jamal Crawford

Jamal Crawford is not the most complete offensive player. Jamal Crawford is an even less complete defensive player. In fact, Jamal Crawford brings me as much joy on defense as Erin and Ben Napier bring new uses of trophy racks into my life. They might be trying, but I still wish I was dead.

We don’t want Jamal to lead a team, and we definitely don’t want him trying to barricade things out.

Picture this scenario. You’ve been running for about 47 minutes and 55 seconds. You’re exhausted. You don’t quite trust yourself to be your best.

You need to trust someone, though, because the zombie king is coming down on you with four of his friends. You’re there with a sniper rifle, but you only got one bullet. You were never very good at first person shooters, either. Your friends play counterstrike without you.

Maybe there are better shooters in the league. Maybe there are more clutch people out there too.
But when it comes to a moment like this, I want someone who’s going to look at this one shot like it’s any shot. I want someone to think “Yeah, I got this. You don’t have to ask twice.” I want them to know this particular basketball will split the rim’s brainstem.

Jamal Crawford would be that man. Sure, he might miss the Zombie King entirely, but he’d probably draw contact from another, less experienced zombie and get a free shot out of it too somehow. I don’t know the rules of these things despite the fact I’m basically making them up as I go.

Jamal Crawford is a shooter. Shooters shoot.