NBA Tank Rankings: Why do bad games happen to bad teams?

3. New York Knicks

By nothing of their doing, the Knicks have removed their shambling meat from the bottom of these rankings. Good job, I suppose. Everyone should have the right to their own definition of success. You could cheer, but that would just confuse people.

The New York Knicks have lost five of their last six including two losses to the Brooklyn Nets. Brooklyn has 12 wins this year, and the Knicks account for 16.6667% of them. I wrote out the percentage because the number “666” is in there, and the Knicks are the closest NBA equivalent to being possessed and driving your car into a factory that makes cardboard buckets filled with black mold and fermented cattle.

Where does a Knicks fan look for console nowadays? Kyle O’Quinn’s Twitter account is confusing, and being confused makes me upset. Joakim Noah’s contract exists and will continue to exist for a long time. Kristaps is still a special player, but he’s not taking any big steps forward. Maybe he shouldn’t be blamed for it, but that’s just how it is. It’s rough.

But maybe I can help. Look at this picture real quick.

Does this make you feel better? Does the triangle hold any special meaning for the Knicks’ prospects? Probably not because what good do triangles do these days? But there’s something else to notice. Let’s zoom in to that blue stuff a little bit to the left of center.

Oh fantastic. Those are comforting Blink 182 lyrics. Maybe these triangle training camps will fix everything after all. Like they say, focus on the small picture.

But wait. Uh oh. That ‘g’ in “gonna” looks a bit strange. We may have to zoom in on that too.

Well that settles that.