What made baseball fun this week: Nicknames, brawls, and alternative facts
By John Buhler
The MLB was about three things this last week: people giving each other nicknames, the Tigers getting angry and fighting everybody and alternative facts.
It’s hot outside and some of our favorite baseball teams stink like hot garbage. That’s just kind of what happens in the MLB as we turn the page from August to September. Teams that know what they’re doing like the Astros, the Indians and for sure the Dodgers still qualify are getting ready for October, while the Giants, Phillies and White Sox are ready to see some new guys come up that will probably disappoint a little less than their miserable seasons thus far.
If you’re team’s good, well, that’s b-e-a-utfiul! If not, it’s football season. Except if you live in Cleveland or New York because you might want it to be baseball season for-e-ver. Let’s just hope you’re not down to your last baseball and Smalls kills you. Bennie and the Jets would not like that at all, especially before he’s trying to steal home for the Boys in Blue.
So with James Earl Jones’ pet Hercules getting a new chew toy, you know that legends never die, especially on the baseball diamond. Legends of the Hidden Temple have to rise to the occasion, because the Evil Empire centered around Darth Vader and that dude that shrunk the kids with oversized helmet on his head could might turn the Yankees around.
To counterbalance this, we’ve got dudes giving each other nicknames, Tiger fights, alternative fact nights and Judges rising together. Here’s some pictures and things to click on while we try to make baseball fun this week before Labor Day.
Why would you not want to give yourself a nickname?
You know yourself better than anybody else, right? Like you know what you like to be called. Sure, you’ve got that given name and that surname Mom and Pop gave you, but if you prefer to be called Spiderman or Captain Planet or whatever, well, now you can.
As long as you are good enough to play major league baseball. Easily the coolest baseball has ever done secretly was Rob Manfred sticking it to Mr. All-Star Game Bud Selig. That Manfred man was blinded by the light of having All-Star Games determine World Series things.
Instead, he’s like, you know what, we’re gonna let the baseball dudes give themselves nicknames to wear on the back of their jerseys. Were most of the terrible? Of course they were, as how many ball players are students of the LaRoche school of locker room learning. Everything besides baseball is dumb, especially when you can’t take your child to work every single day.
Tigers and Yankees fight, oh my!
I mean, if you’re the Tigers, like, yeah, you’d be pretty mad too if they just got rid of a Verlander and two Uptons. No, B.J. Melvin Upton Jr. was NOT part of this dumping dudes philosophy. Justin and Kate are still cool, as they’re going to Houston to hang out with Jose Altuve and help J.J. Watt rebuild the city.
Did it foreshadow this brawl from last week? Maybe, but baseball fights are the best fights. They are wearing pajama pants, but don’t have the pillows to fight in their friends’ houses like they were 10.
People definitely got suspended in this fight. That’s kind of what happens, especially when you can’t cover your own head while some money dude named Floyd bops you in the nose NINE Times? Nine times in a row without you doing anything about it. At least the Yankees didn’t have to wear a mask to do the Brock Osweiler Lufthansa Heist like Mayweather did to McGregor.
Truths are just Erie alternative facts
First off, what is a seawolf? Do they exist? Should they exist? Or did somebody just make that up? Are we going to speak in questions the entire time? What happens if you hold an alternative facts night at a baseball park? Will Trump tweet about it? Is this something he’ll take to social media over?
Did this event work? How many people showed up for it? Did you think about showing up for it? Is it eerie that Erie is spelled like Erie and not eerie? Are we sure this is real life? Is Trump the President of the United States? Or is it Bill Walton? Can we ever really be sure? Do we even want to?
Supreme Court Justices in the Judge’s Chambers!
Rule No. 1 in life: Judges know everything. That means Aaron Judge is a genius in life. Who else could strike out all the time, beat the heck out of fish sculptures and still be the second-best athlete in New York not named Odell Beckham Jr.
That also means Judges are supported by other judges because that’s just how it works apparently. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor went to the Bronx to cheer on her favorite Yankee from right field and it was amazing.
Next: Every MLB team’s Mount Rushmore
If the world we live in can have boxing/UFC crossovers, why would we not want to see Judge making laws in D.C. or Sotomayor gunning out the slowest base runner from right field? Word on the street is she is deadly accurate from 300 feet away from home plate. No reason for Jeter to Giambi some dude. That ball is laser coming from the long arm of the law in right field, hitting Gary Sanchez right in the chest.