Premier League interesting rankings: United stumble, City go off

Stoke shocked the world and Manchester City ran rampant. Here are our updated Premier League interesting rankings.

20. Crystal Palace (Last Week: 20)

Crystal Palace firing manager Frank de Boer after four Premier League matches would sound a bit crazy if this was any other league or sport. However, the Eagles have lost all four matches, scored zero goals, have zero points and are dead last in the league table. They really suck. Maybe they will suck a little less with Roy Hodgson. (Doubtful.)

19. Bournemouth (LW: 17)

The Cherries also have zero points, but at least they have scored a goal, so they have the honor of claiming 19th place. They may have saved Arsene Wenger’s job after giving up three goals to Arsenal on Saturday. My long-standing (three weeks) theory that Bournemouth would score goals if they started Jermain Defoe has now been debunked. He almost scored though!

18. West Brom (LW: 16)

West Brom started their slide down the league table quicker than expected as they let Premier League newbies Brighton bang in three at the Amex last Saturday. The Baggies have been the most boring top-half team since their opening-week win. That may not be true for much longer. I mean the top-half team part, not the boring part. They are very boring.

17. Southampton (LW: 14)

Unless you’re Arsenal, losing tends to hurt your interestingness. The Saints lost their first match of the season, giving up two at home to a surprising Watford club. I just really don’t care about Southampton at all. They are the Orlando Magic of the Premier League.

16. Swansea (LW: 13)

After picking up their first win of the season before the international break, Swansea lost at home 1-0 to much-improved Newcastle. Tammy Abraham nearly had the opener for the Swans but his effort was cleared off the line. Despite a decided edge in possession, they only managed four shots on goal to Newcastle’s eight. Not great, Bob.

15. West Ham (LW: 18)

Stop! Hammer Time! I really wanted to save that for a bigger accomplishment, but West Ham getting their first win of the season may be one of the highlights of their season. Another positive for the Hammers: someone other than Chicharito scored. However, even after blanking Huddersfield on Monday, they have still given up the most goals in the league.

14. Brighton (LW: 19)

Shouts to the Seagulls for their first ever Premier League victory. Being in that crowd in the Amex must have been crazy. Pascal’s Wager may be a really dumb reason to believe in a deity, but Pascal’s goals for Brighton were huge. The German scored the opening two goals three minutes apart to set his team on a path to history.

13. Leicester (LW: 12)

Giving up a goal to the guy who led you to a Premier League title has to sting. But it also should serve as a reminder that Leicester won the freaking Premier League title, which is one of the most insane things to happen ever, in or outside of sports. The Foxes have had a tough stretch but will be thinking about taking three points next week at Huddersfield.

12. Everton (LW: 7)

Everton have steadily gotten worse after their opening win against Stoke. The Toffees have lost their last two Premier League matches on the bounce and now have to travel to Old Trafford on Sunday when Wayne Rooney will take the field against his old mates. Their recent performances should not give them much confidence heading into that one.

11. Arsenal (LW: 6)

The Gunners got a much needed win at the Emirates on Saturday, cruising past Bournemouth 3-0. Danny Welbeck scored a brace, which is even more notable than a regular brace because Danny Welbeck hardly ever scores goals. Other than that, the win wasn’t impressive and Arsenal travel to Stamford Bridge this week. We shall see if they have really got it together or not.

10. Stoke (LW: 15)

Stoke are a good team. I’ve always said that. But seriously, how did this happen? Of all the clubs to draw with the unstoppable-seeming Manchester United, it’s the Potters? Stoke received maximum effort from Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting (sorry) who scored a brace. And just like that, the Potters are a top-10 interesting rankings team. What a time to be alive.

9. Huddersfield (LW: 4)

The Terriers fell out of the top five in the table after a 2-0 loss away to West Ham. It looked like Huddersfield might keep their fourth straight clean sheet until Pedro Obiang scored in the 72nd minute. Hopefully they can comeback from this defeat. I don’t want them to fall out of my top 10.

8. Tottenham (LW: 9)

Spurs are up to fifth in the Premier League table after dispatching lackluster Everton 3-0 at Goodison Park on Saturday. Harry Kane netted a brace. His first appeared to be a cross that I’m sure Kane will claim was deliberate. Tottenham will look for their first win at Wembley as they host Swansea this week.

7. Newcastle (LW: 11)

Jamaal Lascelles provided a pair of huge plays to give the Magpies their second-straight league win. The Newcastle captain cleared a shot off the line before scoring a goal in the 76th minute. More importantly, at least to me, was DeAndre Yedlin returning to the Newcastle bench. He didn’t see the field, but that should hopefully come in the next few weeks.

6. Burnley (LW: 8)

Chris Wood continues to be the driving force behind the Burnley attack. He intercepted a poor back pass and finished calmly in the third minute. It would be all the Clarets needed to beat Premier League-doormat Crystal Palace. Unfortunately for Burnley supporters, their side will travel to a very angry Liverpool this Saturday.

5. Watford (LW: 10)

The Hornets obviously heeded my warning last week about falling out of the top 10 in these rankings. They remained undefeated with a 2-0 win over Southampton at St. Mary’s Stadium. Watford sit fourth in the table but now prepare to host a red-hot Manchester City on Saturday.

4. Liverpool (LW: 2)

So the reason Liverpool are very angry is because they got absolutely creamed by Manchester City at the Etihad. City poured in five goals, four of which came after Sadio Mane was sent off in the 37th minute for karate-kicking goalkeeper Ederson right in the face. It was game over after that. The Reds fell to eight place after the rout.

3. Chelsea (LW: 3)

Alvaro Morata’s header and N’Golo Kante’s worm-burner from way downtown were enough to secure Chelsea’s third league win in a row. Leicester managed a consolation goal in the 62nd minute thanks to a penalty conversion from The Villain Jamie Vardy. The Blues are a point off the top spot in the Premier League ahead of their big home match against Arsenal this Sunday.

2. Manchester City (LW: 5)

City brought out the whoopin stick against Liverpool last Saturday. Sergio Aguero opened the scoring in the 24th minute. The Citizens would run rampant after the Mane red card as Gabriel Jesus and Leroy Sane each scored two goals apiece. Sane’s second in stoppage time was a thing of beauty. City are now tied on points with leaders Manchester United and look to be the title contenders everyone expected them to be.

Next: GoT characters as Premier League players

1. Manchester United (LW: 1)

I guess United can’t do it on a decent afternoon at Stoke. The Red Devils no longer seem invincible after the disappointing 2-2 draw last Saturday. Marcus Rashford was on the scoresheet again, as was Romelu Lukaku, whose 57th minute goal looked to be the winner. But stoke would equalize through Chuopo-Moting six minutes later. It will be interesting to see how United respond this Sunday as they welcome Rooney back to the Theatre of Dreams. Will we get our first glimpse of Zlatan?