How to get an autographed roll of toilet paper from Marcus Smart

Marcus Smart is running a quarantine contest on social media. The grand prize is a roll of toilet paper, autographed by the man himself.

Most NBA players are spending their time indoors these days, practicing social distancing in an effort to slow the spread of the novel coronavirus. They’ve devised all sorts of strategies for avoiding cabin fever — learning new skills, shooting socks at hampers, and practicing in hazmat suits.  Others are spending more time online, interacting with other players and fans in the desperate hunt for distraction.

Marcus Smart is on Twitter today, soliciting hairstyle advice and encouraging fans to weigh in with a prize that’s more valuable than gold right now.

Smart has kept adding onto the giveaway, offering autographed t-shirts and shoes for additional responses. The obvious answer to his query is D. The obvious question it raises is, if you’re the lucky one to win the giveaway and receive the autographed toilet paper roll, how far would you go to keep it untouched?

Let’s say you’re getting to the end of that second week of precautionary quarantine. Toilet paper supplies are running low and demand is high as you and the family work your way through the years-old canned beans at the back of the pantry. The tissues, baby wipes and paper towels are long gone. Do you go for the hand towels and count on the cleansing power of the washing machine? Do you venture outside from some leaves and pine needles? An old t-shirt? Or do you sacrifice this precious piece of sports memorabilia at the altar or personal sanitation?

It’s a real sh***y choice. Maybe you can win the toilet paper and the t-shirt and make things easier on yourself.

For more information about COVID-19, visit the CDC’s website or the website for your state’s Department of Health.