Going 2-0 is not necessarily the first step to winning the Super Bowl. The first step is probably … uh, making sure your team is financially solvent and eligible to compete in the NFL. Going 1-0 is probably around Step Eight, and then maybe with some post-Week 1 adjustments being Step Nine … let’s call going 2-0 the 10th step to winning the Super Bowl. Seems fair.
We have eight teams who have made it to the technically optional tenth step (because you can obviously win the Super Bowl going 1-1, 0-2 is super rare), and ONE (*two) OF THESE THINGS is not like the other. I mean, just look up and down this list and see what looks weird. Have you spotted it yet? Yes! You’re right, the San Francisco 49ers are somehow 2-0 despite being horribly jetlagged from their week-long Australian vacati — I’m kidding, it’s the Las Vegas Raiders. The Las Vegas Raiders are 2-0. What.
So how do all our 2-0 teams stack up? Well, in a glorious turn for sports mediatricians everywhere, there’s a lot to debate! We have an AFC trio that reeks of 2021, pretty clearly divided NFC teams and … the Raiders! The Las Vegas Raiders, just so happy to be here. Let’s roll.
8. Las Vegas Raiders
That’s right baby, your Las Vegas Raiders are 2-0 after beating the “reloaded” Los Angeles Chargers (who have since been thoroughly unloaded) and the not-exactly-a-Super-Bowl-favorite Miami Dolphins. Kirk Cousins is on an absolute mission not to be a stopgap QB, and they’re not going to put in Fernando Mendoza if Cousins gets them off to a 5-0 or 6-1 start. They’re just not.
The Raiders traded Maxx Crosby this offseason … but then he was un-traded because reasons. This team is still very much rebuilding, but there are quality starters throughout this roster even if they’re a long way away from actually contending. It’s not like they need to be tanking for a quarterback, and if nothing else, this is the kind of start that proves the Raiders are no longer doing irreversible damage to the hearts and minds of hapless television audiences.
7. Minnesota Vikings
That’s right baby, Carson Wentz is also 2-0 after replacing Kyler Murray mere minutes into his Minnesota tenure and winning game one over the Green Bay Packers and game two over the Chicago Bears, Tyson Bagent and a rain storm. High fives all around.
The straw that’s really stirring the drink, though, is this Brian Flores defense, which year after year proves it is the great force of NFL quarterback natural selection. You’re going to get blitzed, you’re going to have to deal with it, and if you can’t deal with it you will have a rough afternoon. Murray will be back against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Week 3, so if he looks like an above average quarterback again? Eh? Are you feeling it yet?
6. Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals could easily be this year’s “oh, so they’re just good now” team if the defense continues to play as well as it has. Dexter Lawrence has been a positively excellent addition and may just be the linchpin of a unit that is ready to make things happen for Joe Burrow and the always-excellent offense.
The reason they’re down here at six and not ahead of the Philadelphia Eagles or Kansas City Chiefs is because I’m not willing to handwave multiple years of defensive incompetence with only two weeks of evidence. Once this unit shows me they can play this well for a month, then we can talk Bengals Super Bowl chances. No talking yet — this is still the quiet car of the hype train.
5. Philadelphia Eagles
The Eagles are just about as low as they can be, given this is an ever-talented roster who has kept up quality at every position since their Super Bowl win except for maybe the offensive line, which is getting a little gamey. Wide receiver play is something I was concerned about coming in given DeVonta Smith was vaulting into the new role, but he’s performed well so far. If the Eagles stay healthy, they’re simply going to win a lot of games. They always do.
We’re all still going to complain about it, though, and Eagles fans will wonder why the offense doesn’t look right for 2.5 hours before they win 11-12 games and we all do it again next year. Everything in your body will tell you to underrate the Eagles, but vibes can be changed and made better. Talent? That’s harder to come by, and the Eagles have enough to get them ahead of the bottom three.
4. Kansas City Chiefs
So far, everyone I had questions about on the Chiefs offense looks amazing; Kenneth Walker III looks like the greatest signing since the Toon Squad signed Michael Jordan, Patrick Mahomes looks better than he did pre-injury last year, and even Travis Kelce has been an offensive weapon when I thought he might just be a part-time player this year. It is all sunshine and roses thus far.
Is this defense going to hold up? Bringing back L’Jarius Sneed doesn’t mean you’ve actually replaced Jaylen Watson and Trent McDuffie. Kahlil Benson, an undrafted rookie who made his first start at left tackle in college or the pros in Week 1 of this season, has played well so far, but we also can’t just declare that he has solved the persistent offensive tackle ulcer of this Chiefs iteration. There are still places for this to go wrong, but a healthy Patrick Mahomes can paper over a lot.
3. Buffalo Bills
Inverting the form here, I think the Bills have reason to be worried about their team composition. They’ve given up a billion points in the first two weeks, and had Kamari Lassiter just caught the game-ending interception he had in his hands in Week 1, we’d be talking about this team differently. Such is life, and we react to results in this business. Otherwise, we’d all still be talking about how Marvin Harrison Jr. is the greatest receiver of all time.
And despite giving up a billion points, the Bills have scored a trillion points to compensate, with Josh Allen already the prohibitive MVP favorite and looking to stamp his claim on the best-player-in-the-world title with authority. It’s a very powerful stamp. Watch your fingers.
2. San Francisco 49ers
Despite the forces of jet lag and the mighty electral substation pulling them down, the San Francisco 49ers have reminded everyone that we live in the real world where jet lag and substations break at the wheel of football talent, which they have in droves. Brock Purdy and Christian McCaffrey are back at it again, and Mike Evans joining the party is like when the Fast and Furious franchise added Dwayne The Rock Johnson. It just works.
Despite public discussion around the “classic 49ers injury bug,” their defense is actually quite healthy; if it stays as such, this is the only team in the league that has looked like a true front runner through two weeks. They destroyed the Super Bowl favorite Los Angeles Rams in Australia, then flew home and eviscerated the poor Dolphins. That’s how you do it.
1. Seattle Seahawks
Despite all the gushing I just did about the 49ers, the Seahawks still have that championship assumption barrier to break, and I can’t get the images of Jaxson Smith-Njigba posterizing Arizona Cardinals defenders out of my head — he didn’t even look like he was trying out there. Even with a shoddy, beat-up run game that could really use Kenneth Walker maybe, no other team has this kind of offensive firepower backed up by that defense.
That defense really is the best unit is all of football, and I won’t accept other nominations. They look like they’re playing a different sport; so motivated, well prepared and focused. Drew Lock didn’t really drop the Seahawks’ level at all, and I’m left to wonder if this team could win the Super Bowl with prime Zach Wilson under center. Even if we were also including 1-1 teams in this ranking, Seattle would still be an easy number one.
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