The best, worst and dumbest things that happened in NFL Week 1

We’re all the way back, baby. After seven long months, we finally got to sit on the couch and watch 11 hours of NFL football on a Sunday. It’s a lot to take in and even harder to comprehend … Luckily, I’ve spent the past three weeks sitting in a dark room watching full RedZone reruns (dual screen for peak efficiency) to make sure my brain is in shape for this exact moment.

The best way to make everything digestible is with some weekly awards and superlatives based on everything we saw. Here’s everything and everyone that stood out from Week 1. 

The rightest people: Bears fans

The Bears defense was bad last year, and they didn’t do a whole lot to make it better this offseason. If you asked any Bears fan about how 2026 was going to go for them, they answered, “Just got to score 40 points every game.” It turns out, they weren’t just right … but they were really, really right. Chicago went to Carolina and ripped off a cool 59 points against what should be a solid Panthers’ defense. 

Caleb Williams completed 72.4 percent of his passes for 269 yards and two touchdowns. He was spectacular, and those are the best combination of those stats that he’s had since his rookie season … But the running game was the real star.

D’Andre Swift and Kyle Monongai combined for 28 carries, 224 rushing yards, and four touchdowns. It was so sick.

If the defense is going to let up 37 points (which they did), that offense is going to have to drop numbers like that for the next four months. 

Easiest life: The person who picked first overall in fantasy

For the past few years, having the first overall pick in fantasy has been a mental burden. This year, you picked Jahmyr Gibbs, and you didn’t think twice … And it paid off immediately.

Five catches. 30 receiving yards. 29 carries. 156 rushing yards. Two rushing touchdowns. 33.6 fantasy points.

Will he be able to keep that up? Who cares? You probably won this week; you’ll deal with the future in the future. 

Least Improved Team: Cleveland Browns

We know the Browns offense is bad, and every year they find a way to set the bar lower. This year, it happened on the fifth play of the game when Deshaun Watson threw a terrible interception.

After that, you were hoping that their defense would do things that the Browns' defense normally does: play really well … They didn’t.

Instead, Trevor Lawrence put on an absolute clinic. He went 18-of-23 for 245 yards and four touchdowns, completing passes to nine different people. A lot of that was due to the Browns only pressuring Lawrence six total times and getting only one sack.

Was that because they don’t have Myles Garrett? Was that because of Mike Rutenberg (their new defensive coordinator)? Was it something else?

Regardless, they allowed 34 points … something they did just 15 times over the previous 51 games with Jim Schwartz as their DC. It’s bad over there in Cleveland.

New Guy of the Week: Isaiah Likely

The first thing you do when you go to prison is you find the biggest guy, and you punch him in the face. Everybody knows that. The Giants’ new tight end, Isaiah Likely, did that (metaphorically). 

The Giants signed him in free agency, and in his first game with the team, he was their leading pass catcher with eight catches for 78 yards and two touchdowns. Those numbers are great, but when they came is even more important. 

Of those six non-touchdown catches, four of them were for first downs. Of those four, one of them led to their first touchdown, and two of them came on third-and-longs. The dude wasn’t just awesome, but he was awesomely clutch.

It was one of the best first days ever, and it happened in a win against a Cowboys team that thinks incredibly highly of themselves. 

Short King of the Week: Bryce Young

Yeah, it’s super cool when guys like a 6-foot-7, 280-pound Darnell Wright catches a ball and bulldozes three defensive backs … But in this house, we acknowledge and appreciate the guys who are (very roughly) the same shape and size as us normies. In Week 1, that has to be Bryce Young in the Panthers’ 59-37 loss to the Bears. 

In what started as a shootout, the 5-foot-9 and 200-ish-pound Young threw for 361 yards and three touchdowns. Not only is that the second-most yards and (tied for) the most touchdowns in his career … and not only was it the third-most yards of any quarterback in Week 1, but it’s more than what Caleb Williams did with the Bears’ offense.

In reality, no one will remember this performance from Bryce Young because the Panthers lost, but we should all try to acknowledge it for at least the next seven days.

Exorcism of the Week: Josh Allen

Josh Allen has had a bad time when he plays the Texans, and it’s been particularly bad when it’s in Texas.

He’s played four games in Houston, and in those four games, he’s averaged 183 passing yards and the Bills offense has averaged 17 points. On Sunday, he threw for 334 yards and two touchdowns, ran for two more touchdowns, and the Bills won 36-31.

That’s how you exorcise your demons.

This was supposed to be a game where the Bills got absolutely starched by the best defense in the NFL. From the start to the end, they kept pressing and never got into a situation where they were overwhelmed.

That’s huge growth, and if it weren’t for the Bears putting up historic numbers, this would’ve been the best offensive performance of the day. 

Regrettable Contract of the Week (Year?): Baker Mayfield

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Baker Mayfield had all offseason to come together and agree on a contract extension. It got to a point where Baker said that the contract talks were going to end as soon as training camp started. 

Wouldn’t you know it: they didn’t agree, and he was supposed to go into this season feeling disrespected … And a disrespected version of Baker is the best version of Baker.

Then, the two sides agreed on a three-year extension last week. Did that mean Baker was going to play with that chip on his shoulder? Does that mean we’re going to get the guy who comes in clutch? No, and no.

He was really good at throwing the ball; he completed 82 percent of his passes, and he threw for 216 yards … But he also fumbled three times, and the Bengals scored after every single one of them.

You have to think that a spiteful and disrespectful Baker is minding his Ps and Qs and keeping three points of contact on the ball. 

Play of the Day: Tyler Owens

Who is Tyler Owens? He’s a 2024 UDFA special teamer on the Commanders … He’s also an absolute lunatic. He had the best play of the day on Sunday, and you had better believe that it’s going to get memed to oblivion. So I’m going to do my best to get ahead of it all:

When the wedding ceremony ends and the open bar starts:

When you’re [redacted] beers deep and you see your absolute boy the night before Thanksgiving:

When you walk out of the airport bathroom and realize you missed your boarding group (2) and they’re about to start boarding group 3:

When Xerxes sends the Immortals to kill you and 299 other Spartans as you defend the Pass of Thermopylae:

When you see your nephew is about to touch your full set of gold-plated Pokémon cards from Burger King in 1999:

When you inject yourself with pure Bull Shark testosterone, and you see a seemingly five-pound Britain Covey try to return a punt:

September football of the Week (hopefully): Los Angeles Chargers

Having your national champion lose in the round of 64 during March Madness stinks. Losing a survivor pool in Week 1 suuuuuuuuucks. 34 percent of the survivor pools on the Yahoo Sports app picked the Chargers to beat the Arizona Cardinals in Week 1 … They didn’t.

The Cardinals kind of dominated the Chargers … You know, relative to what the Cardinals normally do. Justin Herbert was in hell because his offensive line was getting punished, the running game wasn’t explosive, and their defense had no answers for Mike LaFleur’s offense.

If you’re going to be competitive in the AFC West, you’re going to have to win the games that you should win … and the Chargers really puked in the bed on this one. 

If this is what they are this year, it’s going to be a looooooong season for Justin Herbert and an even longer season for the people who talk about him like he’s a Demigod. 

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