On Sunday, the biggest sporting event on the planet will take place at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey. European champions Spain will face reigning world and South American champions Argentina. It has all the ingredients to be the best World Cup Final of all-time, with the greatest player of all-time Lionel Messi taking on teenaged sensation Lamine Yamal.
However, FIFA has decided that the biggest soccer match in the world, featuring some of the biggest stars the sport has ever seen, simply is not enough. The event at MetLife will feature both a closing ceremony and a halftime show, as the Americanization of the world's game continues.
So, here is what to expect.
World Cup Final closing ceremony
Ahead of kickoff at 3 p.m. ET, the closing ceremony is scheduled to commence at around 1:30. It was announced that Post Malone will be the headline performer on stage right before the match begins. However, he won't be alone.
FIFA has confirmed that Nicole Scherzinger and Robbie Williams will perform the FIFA anthem "Desire," the same one used for last summer's Club World Cup too. I know, I know. You haven't been able to get that absolute banger out of your head. Me neither... Everyone in the UK knows who Robbie Williams is, but I'm reliably informed that nobody in America does, making him a curious choice to be FIFA's Music Ambassador.
Meantime, Laura Pausini and Christopher Macchio will also perform, while there will be guest appearances from Tom Cruise and IShowSpeed. I mean, when you can get together one of the most beloved and famous actors on earth alongside a YouTuber made famous for screaming loudly and shouting nonsense even louder, you've just gotta do it.
If that has only whet your appetite, after 45 minutes of soccer are out of the way, oh and a three-minute hydration break — mustn't forget that — there will also be a totally necessary halftime show too.
World Cup Final halftime show
FIFA has announced that the halftime show will feature performances from Justin Bieber, Madonna, Shakira, Gustavo Dudamel and Bangtan Boys, the whole thing curated by Chris Martin of Coldplay. They claim that the whole shebang will last 18 minutes, featuring a 7-minute stage installation followed by an 11-minute performance. Is there going to be a 7-minute stage uninstallation, or is Lamine Yamal going to have to dribble around a drum kit?
Even if the entire thing is 18 minutes, that is already too long, with FIFA simply ignoring the laws of the game in search of, well, we're not sure what. Similar performances at the 2024 Copa América Final in Miami and last July's Club World Cup Final, also at MetLife, lasted closer to 24 minutes. Expect similar on Sunday.
Why are people so against this?
For new soccer fans, the fact there is a halftime show may seem totally normal and par for the course. That, though, is very much not the case, and we should not accept this. The most basic laws of football are that each team has 11 players, one of whom is a goalkeeper and whoever scores most goals wins. A pitch must be around 105 by 68 meters, each match contains two 45-minute halves, something FIFA has already tampered with by adding in commercial breaks, and halftime lasts exactly 15 minutes. Them's the rules.
Thus, FIFA has no right to tamper with halftime; it is as stupid as deciding that Sunday's final is now 15-a-side or that both teams get three goalkeepers. Football, as Americans know it, is designed to be interrupted and include a halftime show. Soccer, in the meantime, is the world's most popular sport for a reason; it is free-flowing and, at its best, non-stop action.
Sport specialist doctors believe that an elongated halftime will compromise player performance and "increase injury risk," but don't think about that! Look, it's Justin Bieber; remember when he was relevant? Having attended close to a thousand top-level soccer matches, at halftime, people just want to use the loo or purchase some overpriced food or beverage, not be subjected to a musical performance they don't want and didn't ask for.
Just imagine your team is 2-0 down in a World Cup Final and, just when you want to digest what you've witnessed, having paid thousands of dollars for the privilege of seeing your team lose, Shakira appears and is singing Dai Dai. There have been loads of great aspects of this World Cup. On the whole, the United States, as well as Mexico and Canada, have been excellent hosts, and this will go down in history as a tournament to be remembered. Let's just hope it gets a fitting final, not one ruined because Gianni Infantino wanted to have his picture taken with some famous people.
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